I think he is being really really sweet to you and your littler parts.It is truly lovely to read about and all your reactions seem entirely normal to me and stuff that you can work through with him and gradually get perspective on. I am so glad he is there for you right now. Have you another week til your husband gets back?Read More...

born2write, somedays, mayo, held, Yaku, TN, Kansas and Sadly, BB, I know you had a reply in there somewhere. I read it before you deleted it???? BB, it was so good to hear from you. I'm sorry you felt like you had to delete. Thanks for all your thoughts and hugs. It's very hard. I can't always feel his warmth. He doesn't always show it. Part of me thinks I'm just running and another part of me thinks I'm being rightfully protective and asking for what I need. I've been reading Judith...Read More...

Even though I have hard time picturing T inbetween sessions and remember her voice better, I am able to hold on to her her face really well for a few days after session cos im still on that like "post session high" as I like to call it. Then it gradually fades and I can only picture certain features of her, like her smile and her eyes, her hair, but not everything as a whole. Im even able to remember the smell of her office and the clinic and her perfume as well which I find oddly...Read More...

I also do co counselling which is a form of therapy where both are equals, meet as equal and give each other equal time. You can train in it over about 8 - 10 weeks one evening a week and then make contact with local people trained in it. I had a very good co counselling partner some years ago and we worked well together for many years.Read More...

dear (((starfishy))) - I will always be here or around as my forum family are SO SPECIAL to me! I hope you're felling a little less wobbly. Be gentle with yourself. sRead More...

Thanks everyone for your advise and input. Today I had my session with T and it could not have gone better. Many of y'all might be surprised by this but I nor T brought up BFF in our session. For some reason, it made me feel really good. From day one T has made it clear that our time is our time and has given me no reason to believe that she would break that trust. At first I was jealous that BFF was going to be seeing my T but now I'm actually really happy for her. T is great at what she...Read More...

My T is VERY passive. Rarely does she talk, and rarely is she direct and when she is, boy do I feel it (thus the thread on "Disproportionate Reactions"). I usually have to go home and journal and journal until it is out of my system (or post here ). Occassionally I feel ready to "hear it" from her, so I will ask her something. Her response, "What do you think?" Sometimes that angers me and I say in response, "I knew you were going to do that." So, then she will answer my question(s). It...Read More...

(((Liese))) (((BLT))) Thanks for understanding. I think I need to redo this post and some other stuff as a journal. I tried to tell T about it as an explanation for why I couldn't leave well today (he triggered my nurturing/caretaking again and I had to run off to avoid trying to take responsible for making him feel good, not worry about me, etc.). I am just awash in attachment pain. We are talking SO much more about everything lately, from now stuff to past stuff, to these bizarre internal...Read More...

Liese, good morning. I did talk to her. It actually seems to just have happened after something happened with the PA (for a P that I haven't met) on 2/17. Somehow that incident got linked in with T, and then it got me triggered by my childhood and even adult times when I felt abandoned (I went back to read my journal and I had written a lot those days), and I had a bad reaction on 2/20. So the flight was in full force, and I told her that on 2/27. I told her that missing the session the...Read More...

(((TN))) I think it is an important question your T asked you. I've been considering a version of it ever since I spoke to the meditation teacher. I wondered what I would have to give up if I gave up the idea that I didn't "know" whether T was right for me and relaxed into the relationship and therapy. I think I wouldn't have any reason to not deal with my issues that I want to work on but I keep avoiding when I don't feel safe and sure of the relationship with my T. I also might have to...Read More...

IF? Thanks for your words of encouragement. Tomorrow is the day. What do I do? What do I say? It has been 2 wks, and I no longer feel the need...the attachment. Maybe we talked through all we can and it is time to go separate ways. Idk...I just don't know.Read More...

TN, thanks for sharing your session. When you share, you give me hope, as I really struggle in my relationship with T. My T is like a stone wall. That's the best way to describe her. I hate it. Very rarely has she ever changed position, shown she cared with body and facial expression, and only one time has she said it (when I said I didn't know how to end/leave therapy because I was so attached to her). Many times I even feel as if she is cold, tired, bored, angry with me, doesn't want to...Read More...

Thanks, all, for your welcomes and just being there. ...Read More...

...just saw this, I don't know that the push pull- ever ends, for it is working through it- that the growth is manifested. (my opinion)Read More...

Very good point, Raven.Read More...

So many points you have made here Liese, moved me. I came from what appeared a nice family. Catholic schools, doing well, nice girls, nice boy friends - but inside me is a wailing hurting small child. It is sometimes hard to truly believe that what I am inside is not just crazy. BUt my T has helped me see that there is a reason for every single one of my feelings and I too have bought the outside package of our 'nice' family. It was a family with mega emotional difficulties and hidden...Read More...

((((KANSAS)))) I'm sorry too that you deleted your topic. I've been caught up in my own psychodrama, actually too much lately. I always enjoy your topics. Hope you are doing okay. LieseRead More...

Just wanted to return to this thread to update that my self imposed exile from T is over. It turned out to not be a very long break after all-- about two and a half weeks from the time I last actually saw her. I decided to go back because my tension, anxiety, and stresses were mounting and I realized that in leaving T I was cutting myself off from my most effective means of coping and emotional support, and that this is probably not a good time in my life to be doing that. I'm not crazy...Read More...

It's funny... I think the things that would probably make a 'normal' person feel safe, secure and understood freak the crap out of me.... When things get intense and the conversation is challenging, my T will change how she is sitting. She's not really any physically 'closer' as we sit in 2 different chairs...But her posture changes and she adopts a posture that feels like she's listening harder and supporting more (this is clearly impossible to explain). A few weeks ago I was being...Read More...

((RAven)) It's a SUCKY place to be... I hope it gets better soon Incase anyone is interested in a session update; I got lucky enough to be able to see her again this week. Cleared up a 1000 little questions I had today. Which helped, the good thing about my T is she will really push back sometimes - not in a forceful way but she can really be unambiguous and direct. I often find it "defensive" but I've realized it's just her sometimes. I brought a list to help me remember Today my T and I...Read More...

HIC, I think that is really cool progress that you've made so far!! I think the somatic stuff is different enough that it would be worth trying it out to see whether you find it helpful or not. I have certainly found it to be a great change of pace from simply talking all the time.Read More...

I don't feel as guilty today - thank you. It's a roller coaster I've been on - back and forth with feelings of doing a good thing and giving her a chance and feelings of ruining her more. I can't assume that she could have been adopted by a better family. She may have stayed in the system until she turned 18. I just know deep down that I don't give her all she needs and I can't. I hope I can one day. I am working in therapy. And I hope one day she can give to me too. Maybe we can have a...Read More...

Thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences. I have heard of a bad experience and I found it encouraging and hopeful to hear of some good experiences. I just have this fear that you can't go back because it will make things worse.Read More...

Thanks Liese! Yes, I'm a little cynical right now, but thanks so much for the support!Read More...

((((AG)))) Thank you for your reply. I am still struggling to understand it all. Trying to understand a profession that encourages people to reveal the deepest parts of themselves, and then draws lines in the sand. "You will feel more for me than I will for you and that is the way it must be." The intimacy is HUGE (on my side) but the relationship fits into cell A5. (took an excel class today). I can understand intellectually why it is that way, I suppose. I was just unprepared for the...Read More...