Very wise RTRead More...

Liese and RT... thank you SO much for sharing your similar experiences and how it made you feel. Liese I often wondered how you managed to deal with that secretary. I remember you posting about her and how she kept throwing obstacles in your path. I would thank goodness that my T didn't have a secretary to deal with... LOL... so I got the wife instead Thank you for sharing. It makes me feel less crazy. RT... I would have died if I had to walk up the stairs sandwiched between T and another...Read More...

(((AFFINITY))) That sounds really positive. So happy for you. Is there anything wrong with having a one-way friendship with a T as long as it's confined to their office? I ask that because I do think my Old T had very much become my confidant. I didn't have anyone IRL to talk to and didn't know how to talk to anyone IRL. I see that he fulfilled some of those needs for me until I could develop other relationships apart from him. And I do believe that was very therapeutic for me. I also...Read More...

I'm sorry you didn't get hugs etc growing up - i don't think its that un-normal for us on this forum - i imagine form most of us, childhood wasn't he rosy white picket fence seen on tv … with hugs abound left right and centre … i have got my T to write things down for me, purely so id have her writing on a piece of paper for comfort (and not tell her that is why i wanted her to write it down). i don't feel guilty about that. im not wanting any thing form her anymore. I think I've felt so...Read More...

(((SP))) She should be back in the city today. Her voicemail message is no longer set as 'away'. I worry she won't want to work with me anymore. Can't possibly care and hates me and wants to hurt me. Probably not true... But it's so triggering awaiting someone's return when I knows past was never knowing when someone would appear to hurt me after they were gone.Read More...

Sorry I don't have many words, but I will say that I hear you and understand.Read More...

Thanks VeryH, I feel just mixed up. Angry one minute and ashamed the next. The implicit message is that this is the right way to do therapy and if I dont like it I am wrong. It's non-negotiable. She is a nice person and listens when I am there - the previous one could be more unreliable on that front. Maybe I just wont go back. sapphire-blueRead More...

((Pengs)) thanks love Yes, she's due any day now. Last week was supposed to be our last session but they pushed back her due date to this weekend. It's going to be extremely awkward seeing this person now lol! I'm still worried about how I'm going to feel when she actually has her baby, especially since it's a girl, but we'll see.Read More...

The imbalance is tough. I've been with my T for 2yrs 3 months. Developed feelings early on. Think I would have been attracted even in a non therapeutic setting. Have had feelings of love for T for about 1 1/2 half years. I've shared my feelings with my T. T has been great and understanding. Much better than some others I read about here. T has said she loves me deeply. I believe there is some counter transference but not sure just how. Parts of me believe that T doesn't really care and this...Read More...

((VH)) I'm very sensitive too Sometimes my brain will sort of suck things in and put them in a void... then feed them to me slowly when I can handle it. If I did get triggered right away it's like... it was immediately captured and put somewhere else and I just continue on. Sort of like how I dealt with trauma growing up, for example my dog was given away as punishment, I didn't find out until the evening and immediately after I had to play in a sports game, and study for an exam. So it was...Read More...

Sometimes change can be really good. It's just hard to know that before it happens. -RTRead More...

Great metaphor. I personally love cake. To me it is a frosting delivery method. I've admitted that I am powerless over cake and that my life has become unmanageable. I think I'm somewhere between step 3 & 4. Where are you? -RTRead More...

Not psycho at all. A frequent response, I would think. -RTRead More...

hang in there draggeryRead More...

I believe my therapist uses the IFS system alot. She talks about my critical parent running the show often. We have done some role play with trying to let the child part express herself. (Have to say I was uncomfortable with that!) I understand the concepts but don't really understand how it is supposed to help me. When I have needs I can often identify them as being from the child but I can so clearly hear the critical parent voice come in an squash those childish needs. Not sure what to do...Read More...

(((Cat))) I agree that would be hard for me, those sort of regular increases, especially if not really needed. Like, I might understand if a T said, "Well, my overhead just went up, because rent for this space went up," or something. But, it would be hard otherwise. I'm one of those whose T will do a huge sliding scale with people, even see someone he doesn't know who is in crisis for free. He always thanks me when I pay and when I've joked it's kind of part of the deal, he said he's never...Read More...

It would be a huge transition to make, for sure - just the fact of T being in the room with you and H at the same time would feel scary, given how well she knows you. Your fear is an important part of this process and I hope you can find a way to get support with it. It's normal to want to make your own choices about what to share and when - do you think you could express some of your concern about this to T? I was thinking, stability can sometime be a bit of a illusion if one or both...Read More...

I believe in Inner Child work, and the John Bradshaw books, but I do wish my T would stop hiding behind it to avoid my transference feelings for her. It's always how I can be a better mother for my inner kid. I'm just screaming for a chance to talk to T about my feelings for her, not the child, for a change. I just don't think transference should be ignored, It's become like the elephant in the room, and I'm about ready to say to T I don't want to hear another word about me being a good...Read More...

I'm in the middle of this, too, so it's always easier to give advice than receive it. But, Affinity, I think that forcing your imagination to stop is putting the horse before the cart. It looks to me like you're still in a deep transference relation and because of that the nurturing, "holding" aspects of the relationship (within boundaries) needs to unfold naturally. During that, some wishes and fantasies mellow...don't disappear, but mellow. I don't think one needs to be on guard, always...Read More...

Hey, Exploring, I'm from DC and know just what you mean by routing the traffic. I remember when they built the Beltway (expose my age) and how we had it so much better getting from area of DC to the other. Yes, the mind needs organization too, figuring in the needs of all parts.Read More...

((Jillann)) Thank you... what a great idea! A project... I hadn't thought. I have a lot going on while she is gone... changing where I live (which is terrifying). Maybe I can write about all I'm feeling with that... or make some art, but... I'm not sure if I'll have time for that anyway. Thank you for listening to meRead More...

"So to learn not to be scared, do what you fear. Do it enough and eventually it will stop being so scary. So to learn to trust, act as if you trust the person. Do that enough, with good results, and you’ll learn to risk trusting someone. To learn to value yourself, act as if you matter. Eventually, even you will believe it." AG, thank you for the reference to your blog. After reading it, particularly this passage, I think I know exactly what you mean!!! LJBRead More...

thank you... i'm sorry i couldn't respond sooner... i spent the tail end of my week in all-day tears for the most part. ((draggers)) i understand the *like now* needing t back. something has happened recently where i'm supremely reliant on her consistency. she's going on vacation in a couple of weeks and i'm already crippled with anxiety. i told her i was worried about missing her... and rather than her usual 'i will miss you too' i got a weird look and she said it's probably because she's...Read More...

Aww, Path, I'm so thrilled at your T's response. Sounds exactly like something my T would say. I can totally relate to the "tornadic whiplash of emotion" that comes after a session like this. But take heart, it does get better. And you should feel super proud of yourself for taking on such a sticky topic. You've taken a big leap on the path to healing.Read More...

Hi Monte I'm sorry I'm late to this thread. I think it's awesome that you are feeling the security of the attachment. You have always inspired me and I'm thrilled that all your hard work is paying off for you. That fact that you have battled through so much pain to find deep peace gives hope to me. How brilliant to leave your childhood toy in T's office. That is so perfect. I would say that your inner child is in a very safe place and that is part of the comfort and connection and warmth you...Read More...