Oh, a walk sounds lovely and I hope it goes well. T has offered to do a walk when I asked about what we could do and even to get ice cream before like your kids want. Except, I sometimes think T is more of a kid than all my inside kids, since I can hardly ever get excited about such things. I just feel too exposed to be out in public view with my T for some reason...it feels unprotected and I feel like in trouble that my T has to be seen with me. Anyway, I really hope it goes well for you...Read More...

Brokes, I'm so happy for you. Happy healing to you!Read More...

My T doesn't look like anyone famous but he does look a lot like a good friend of mine, same height and build, similar clothes and some of the facial features are very alike in some of the expressions. He also has a few features of my ex which makes him attractive to me at times because I have happy memories of my times with my ex.Read More...

Happy Girl-Yes, my T can act very parental at times. I think she was doing that. My T's office just put up a new website with all the T's credentials, backgrounds and methodologies. I see T's background work is in sexual trauma, substance abuse families and she has a special interest in working with teens. The website says she forms a wonderful therapeutic relationship. A lot of the time she seems to be a Humanistic type of therapist. Not all the time though. I do think she seemed angry...Read More...

Little Me- Just keep sharing. you are safe here. We all have our shit... our secrets. Try to keep it together for your girls too. How old are they? do they live with you? do they know... understand what you are going through. Hang on and just keep posting. I dont know cutting, but I do know suffering to release pain. Many here can relate to your situation. Your former T is a manipulator... keep looking for the good T you deserve. you made a wase choice to get away from manipulative taxi T.Read More...

Liese, It sounds as though it is all resolved by now but I just wanted to say that when I read your post about this, I didn't think he was ignoring you. Maybe he just wants you to ask for what you want. Glad it got sorted out and hopefully this will make your relationship with him more solidified and secure.Read More...

Does this movie get any better??? You are incredible for sitting in the chair - I thought it would take AGES for you to do it - amazing that you could do it so quickly. I don't think I would have been so brave. I think he wore your favourite sweater for a reason - he knew you liked it and was trying to make you feel comfortable. My T spoke of attachment also last week along similar lines. That when you have long term clients you can't help have an attachment to them and you naturally share...Read More...

She increased my WB XL to 450 and she said she agreed more with me than with my T, that I need a better handle on my emotions. I mean, I could just be cooking dinner and my 7 year old daughter comes over to me to ask a question and I start crying.Read More...

Thanks Ninn for your support. I'm sorry your meds are so difficult for you and I hope in time they come to help you. Not sure why your T allows those conversations to die. Maybe you shouldn't let them die and tell her you still need to talk about those things. I think an experienced T should understand how changing their office would impact a patient and be ready to talk about it and hear the patient's feelings. Hang in there with the meds. Thinking of you. TNRead More...

Dear Little Me, I don't post much these days (for a few reasons- not important though), but your post caught my attention. Hold on to your potatoes"- what a perfect rule to live by (assuming potatoes is a good thing for ya) potatoes for me is a staple- something grounding- and basic. I just love it...and so timely for me. I am trying- perhaps too hard to be done with therapy. My thing is...I don't know whether or not I am leaving for the right reasons. Last night I went online and took all...Read More...

Thanks Alpaca, that is really lovely.Read More...

Hi Greenleaf, Since your original question was about therapy, allow me to jump back to that topic. For the past year, I have been going through a stormy relationship with my T. It started out distrustful, became amazing when I developed a strong attachment to him, then it crashed and has been deteriorating ever since. I am seeing a Psychoanalyst so he works with transference a lot. We are both seeing a pattern repeat from my real life relationships into the therapeutic relationship. It takes...Read More...

Incogntio, It sounds like your parents, or your mom, were shaming and humiliating when you expressed your emotions. Humiliation is a horrid emotion that gets entagled with your development and sense of Self. I understand better now. That is something very, very difficult to deal with if you are still carrying that with you-amplified in the transference. given that, i have to add that you really have come a long way in being able to talk about how you feel with your therapist. It seems you...Read More...

Hi Alpaca and Liese, Thanks for the replies and for sharing your perspectives. I do think T's reaction is due at least somewhat to something besides caring about me. When I described how she is about all this in a little more detail to a therapy savvy friend who has a psych degree, her guess was that T was either once *in* a situation similar to the one I was, or was very close to one and that this might be calling up something of a response in her. I do notice that she seems more disturbed...Read More...

Thank you all for the wonderful replys. Anger and fear both emotions I split off many yrs ago are working hard at becoming part of me again, I find I can feel anger bodyu in a different way now a way I can't deny, also fear, I am feeling fear in lots of situations I previously didn't and its horrible but I guess until I take back ownership completely it will feel foreign. Its only now as I become aware of these feelings I realise how numb I have been most of my life, taking directions from...Read More...

Oh my very dear Echoes - to post so much of what you suffer must be so very exhausting - you give so much - sometimes too much of your dear self While I'm not on the extreme levels of the spectrum, apart from almost chronic amnesia, I empathise with you on many of those areas!! Love, Morgs xxRead More...

Cat I can empathize with how conflicted you feel right now. It's not an easy place to be. At all.Read More...

Thank you both very much! Kansas- I'm very stubborn as well and even though I'd like to see myself as a really nice, sweet person who hates confrontations and is very emotional and sensitive, I tend to get very very very aggressive when I need to be. Thanks for the wave tee hee. I won't jump for joy until I finally get to see my T again lol. Echoes- knowing my T, I'm pretty sure it won't be a disaster after all now that I've taken the time to think rationally about the whole situation. I...Read More...

Continuing to feel all the love from you guys. Trying not to have my usual self-loathing reaction for getting myself noticed and having comfort. Awww, Echs, it wasn't necessary to move anything. I didn't feel bad for the discussion and find it informative and like if anything I'm involved in helps somebody, but it was sweet of you to think of that anyway. Lots of hugs!Read More...

FMN, I think it's really hard work to get through trauma and what you are describing sounds a lot like what I did. Therapy does not take place for just 50 minutes a week (or more if you have multiple sessions, but you get my drift). The real work is done in the processing you do in between. As you have those "aha" moments and gain new insight and understanding, you often end up going back through your past and processing all over again bringing the new understanding to bear. For me, this...Read More...

Hi greenleaf, it's nice to meet you. I also had a terrible experience with my oldT which caused me to have PTSD over the very harmful actions he took in my regard. He abruptly terminated me and then when I fell apart (outside his office in my car) he approached me while I was in agonizing grief over what he just did and decided I was suicidal and called the police on me! They forced me to go to the hospital crisis center for evaluation even though by that time I had stopped crying, swore I...Read More...

Hi number9, Glad I was helpful! I definitely don't think you're crazy. The vast majority of the time, yes. T is very intelligent and intuitive. I feel she has a good understanding of me and we've had a strong rapport from the beginning. We've done some productive work together in the seven months I've been with her. Now, occasionally we'll have a session where one or both of us is not quite with it and I don't feel the connection as much. Those always feel a bit lame and disappointing. And,...Read More...

Thanks Kansas! I think I'll go to Word now too or just go back to plain old pen and paper. Don't have to worry about technological glitches with that haha. I learned a lesson the hard way yet again bleh just freaking bleh!Read More...

That's cool that you managed to figure that out! Need for approval has been a big issue for me as well. I figured out two things about it: 1. Part of wanting approval for me was keep everyone so distracted with how great I was, so that nobody would find out who I really was. There was an underlying shame thing going on there. 2. Having a good attachment with my T has helped an amazing amount with this. Since I have her care and regard no matter what I do or don't do, I can stop bending over...Read More...

((((SCATTERED)))) Check out the Science of Psychology Related Discussion section. The third topic down is a thread started by TN called, Interesting Article on Dependency. I think that's the article I was referring to. Your T really does sound wonderful but it does sound like you are going to have to stand up for yourself here and tell her that you are not ready for the changes in the email she is proposing and/or that maybe if you had a second session, you wouldn't need to email so much.Read More...