TN-- Oops! I think I somehow saw this and didn't register that it's 2012 now! Lol! I'm so messed up emotionally right now that I've been making little mistakes here and there constantly. Anyways, thank you for responding to me. Your story gives me hope. I want to respond more in depth and I will in a bit. I have to get ready for work now, and will be back later. --BrokesRead More...

totally can relate at times! ~ and then I convince myself she doesn't care because I am just paying her - she's pretending. I have gone off my meds a couple of times in the past for the opposite reason...I started feeling better and didn't want to be on them. I feel good for awhile and almost don't realize I'm sliding downwards again until I'm at the bottom. My goal is to get off of them, but this time, which is the first time, I'm doing it with the help of a therapist. I hope you can start...Read More...

Dear Brokes I´m really sorry to hear about your loss. I know how much it can hurt... I´m in deep pain for the loss of my T. I quit therapy on the 16th of December. Sooo many times since then I´ve thought about e-mailing her. I think you were brave to actually do that, even though you knew that you might get hurt if she never responds. You were willing to take that risk. And it was good that you could express your feelings for her, and how this abandonment makes you feel. I´m glad that you...Read More...

Hi JoeC-- Welcome to the forums! This is a great place. I'm going through what you are at this moment. I just ended with one T after a bad bad bad termination that left me emotionally devastated, and now I am starting with a newT that is great but I really don't know where to begin. You will get some great support here for what you are experiencing. Some of us have been abandoned by therapists, and had to start all over again. There''s a lot of knowledge and a wealth of information if you...Read More...

I am temporarily closing this thread to wait until Shrinklady has a chance to review it and decide how to handle it and/or to reopen it. I am for obvious reasons recusing myself from making those decisions. This is not an attempt to censor anyone but rather to prevent an out of control situation. As a personal note: Thanks for the kind words and appreciation to those of you who offered such.Read More...

That's so funny, xoxo. Of course it isn't easy! That reminds me of the time my T told be about how her son got a smaller present than his cousin, and how she remembered to let him feel jealous instead of trying to talk him out of it. I immediately said now I was the one who was jealous (of not having a parent like her) and do you know what she did?? She tried to talk me out of it! LOL! She said, "Well, you only hear about my good parenting moments, not when I mess up." I was like, "Umm, that...Read More...

((((UNBROKES)))) I'd probably be bent out of shape for a very long time too. But just wanted to wish you good luck tonight. I have a good feeling about this one! Love, LieseRead More...

I look forward , Hopeful, of chatting with you here too,,,have to learn how to navigate the site too! thank you for your wise words.Read More...

Thanks, Alpaca, I think he is not used to this INTENSITY of emotion exploding. Me neither, but more used to it than him. When I listened to the recording I was only 8 yr old upset for 2 minutes, and then , he asks if this is the littlest me, and as soon as he says that, : out she comes in full fury, pain, terror but it only actually in real time last thirty explosive seconds. I cannot believe it was only thirty seconds!!! but in that 30 seconds, the chair goes over, the desk is nearly...Read More...

Hello, emotionburstimran! Welcome to the forum! So glad you felt comfortable posting. I wanted to respond because my reason for starting therapy was exactly the same as yours. I also had "immense" trouble forgetting someone and wanted to get over him once and for all. Four years ago I started looking for a therapist to help me. It was not easy to find someone who would listen the way I needed them to, but I eventually found her. This forum has also been very helpful in helping me work...Read More...

Re: I wish I could talk to T....not a great day....Read More...

xoxo, I'm so happy for you and that you have such a thoughtful T and to put your lion there amongst his families pictures...beautiful! How wonderful for you...makes my heart melt for you. HopefulRead More...

That IS inspiring to hear BG, thank you for sharing. starfishyRead More...

It only happened yesterday morning. This morning it feels just beautiful. I feel all warm and strong inside at the same time and I feel very open and real. I feel comfortable with my family and our visitors. I hope this feeling lasts. I also feel more real around sweetP too - when he was holding me, he was not a 'parent' - he was 'him' and I felt the truth of that, the man who is the psychologist, who is trying to do the best he can by me and who is genuinely trust worthy and kind. I felt I...Read More...

I see him in about one hour. (must shower and get dressed!) but I could not sleep last night as I felt the real anguished pain of pining for him, that has been there all week and got almost unmanageable by late Weds. I also hurt because in about three hours time, I have to start the agonising process of trying to cope with another seven day gap before I see him again. It is real child stuff. Visceral, raw and agony to feel. I shall have to tell him. I trust him enough these days to tell him...Read More...

Still up to my ears in house guests, but I LOVED this bit. You sound so much better - your T grounded you and got you feeling secure with him again. Good T. When you write about how bereft you felt, it was so OBVIOUSLY small child stuff and it is so SWEET - I can almost SEE a 2 yr old little TN. So small, so scared, so wanting reassurance, a cuddle, to have some safe person there for her. I send you the nearest we have to a cuddle and my congratulations on reaching out to him. You are going...Read More...

(((Sadly))) I'm sorry to hear about this. I sometimes am like that with my T...imagining sitting next to her opening presents or something. Feels painful. All I can say is stay strong (God I hate saying that because...well, I wish I could magic those feelings away for you!) and you'll see your T soon! You should maybe talk about it? I plan to talk about it with my T. Though it embarrasses me I bite my lip and just do it to hopefully get used to saying such things and get used to being needy...Read More...

(((TN))) I'm sorry. I can see how awful it would feel to learn that something that symbolized warmth and caring for you holds a different meaning for him. However, I find myself interpreting his comment about it being a marker as a good thing. Perhaps its the human connection and the powerful emotions that a handshake can conjure up that serves to remind him that the two of you are entering into a special union at the beginning of the session, the bond of therapy,etc. And when you shake...Read More...

Well everyone, I would say it's perfectly normal to google our Ts, mostly because I do it She's referenced 000's of times on the internet with all her writings and papers etc but her fp page is tighter than a fish's a*#e!!! I'm very lucky as I do have a very lovely photo that I downloaded before the fb page went into lockdown and it helps me enormously when needed and I turn it over at other times !! Seriously it is SO understandable that when we need then but can't reach out - in my...Read More...

Disfunctional families are exhausting. I think you are amazing for what you manage to do. I guess part of the way forward for you is to work out what you can do which does not deplete you too much and create your own boundaries, what you feel you want to do, what you feel is too much,where YOU draw the line. And stick to it.You don't need to tell them, you just know in your head where you draw the line. I had to stop seeing my sister completely nine years ago. She is texting at the moment as...Read More...

Hello Sadly I'm in the UK, so I hope too that you are able to have a lovely day today and do something nice JMBRead More...

Re: Last SessionRead More...

(((incognito))) I'm so sorry. That must have felt awful. There have been times when I have been waiting for a text reply to something from T and H (who is also his client) gets a text about something unrelated. This happened last week. I had sent a text much earlier in the day, just needing to check on the connection or something and asked for a reply. Then, T had sent a text asking that T inform him of scheduling changes first (because I had asked about the next week's schedule for both of...Read More...

FMN - I saw your thread too and it resonated as well. I know it has to do with my dissociation, but it is such a contrast to the feelings of being on the verge of crying and unable to let it out (I call that dry heave crying). It has kind of lingered throughout the day (with an occasional bit of emotion, but mostly detachment) and I really don't know what to do with it. xoxo - I think I vaguely remember discussing this before, but my brain is mush right now, so you'll have to forgive me. You...Read More...