(((((((((( Sadly ))))))))) LLRead More...

((((YAKU)))) I really believe this to be true. It's as if the pain is all there but unprocessed and so you can't move around it. It's like a dead weight. And any new pain just gets added to the pile. But if you take it all out and process it and acknowledge it, it still hurts but somehow takes the edge off and hopefully you can learn to do it as the pain is happening the present so the pile doesn't build up anymore. And hopefully, you will be in a better position to be able to filter through...Read More...

Oh, from my perspective, it seems really clear that he is trying to correct your internal interpretation that he doesn't care, by reminding you that there are times when you can feel his care, so that your current feelings of his not caring are shown to be false to you. I think he is trying to remind you of the times when you felt good and safe with him, not just trying to nit-pick the way you speak..it's because what you say can become internalized so he wants to undo the message- "he...Read More...

((((DF)))) Sorry for the delay, DF. I'm glad your Ts have been supportive of the decisions you've made regarding your parents. One the one hand it feels good to hear T say that she'd support me no matter what, but of course I also question that and think...really? It's a hard thing to truly take to heart. Thanks for the support. The turmoil over this stuff, on top of 7 exams and 2 presentations over the next couple weeks, is just tearing me apart. On a positive note, since my mother is down...Read More...

Hey Louba and Little Me, (love the names) welcome and yes, do take very good care of yourselves. It makes a difference.Read More...

HI Megan and welcome. I too have BPD and I too have been unceremoniously terminated by a T like True North has. Mine happened 3 months ago and it is very raw. At times I get so frustrated with that "process" that every talks about and everyone says to trust. But I am realy pleased to say that I am beginning to see what they are going on about. I have been to this T various times over the past 15 years and she is no stranger to me, in fact we had outside contact and worked together. We have...Read More...

Thanks Tessa, I read your blog and can relate a little. I too suffer from anxiety as part of the PTSD package. Thanks for sharing your journey. And most of all... MayoRead More...

Hey TN, Just wanted to say that I was thinking of you and hoping that your session today goes well.Read More...

Thank you, xoxo- I found your reply and the link very helpful. It is interesting that people with dysthymia often think they have ADD- I have long been convinced that I have that, without the hyperactive component, because my concentration and ability to complete things is so poor, and can lead to further depression and feelings of worthlessness. I hope you will feel better, soon, too, xoxo. Like you, I had no idea how bad things really were, simply because I have always been used to feeling...Read More...

Hi guys, thankyou so much for your advice! You know my preoccupied thinking has rendered me unable to work now because I have thought so negatively about my life circumstances for such a long time. I can only do work which stimulates me massively now. (As in change of scenes constantly and moving around) BB: You are absolutely right. Moving and doing creative and physical activity works a lot. I cannot do sitting down work anymore. I have develop an actual fear of office work because I...Read More...

Hey Incognito - that sounds like a great start to renegotiate your relationship. Well done for telling T that you angry - I think this is one of the hardest things to do. SDRead More...

xoxo, I love your insight and for your struggle. I've too recognized that I seem to drift in and out of different states of being and I'm unsure which one I prefer. I have the state where I think I'm bored and anxious. I tend to talk to myself a lot and be a bit silly with myself, doing silly things in a very childish manner. I keep that state to myself at all times, but it tends to come out at random times when I'm at home. Dress really affects me, especially coats. I know it sounds maybe a...Read More...

(((BB))) Aww, thanks! My Saturday session went really well. It was really productive and somewhat connecting, despite not being face-to-face. I am blessed to have you all thinking of me and supporting me here.Read More...

Hi Incognito *wave* I was moved by your post. It is vivid and it is stark and honest. You know, I think any T would be honored to have you bring all this to the table. Our feelings may be shameful and confusing to us, but-- I imagine-- they are a gold mine to them. Sorting out the mess is exactly why we're in therapy. I too very often get stuck in the trap of wanting to understand it, or waiting for it to be reasonable, before uttering it. I hope the disintegration thing goes away soon, I...Read More...

Hi Liese. I am so sorry it has taken so long to reply. No, I have never discussed with my F about the attachment and love process. It was such a personal thing for me. I have spoken to her a litle about the hurtful things i perceived my therapist to have said, and she was able to change my thought pattern and have me look at the "perceived hurtful comment" in a more positive and non destructive way. I really wanted to keep our friendship separate from my therapy. HCRead More...

This made me think about something I heard on the radio the other day...."not every day is good, but there is good in every day".... Your T sounds lovely. Happy Belated Birthday!Read More...

Yes, I do think there are a lot of potential positives in having them so close-- especially once the pregnancy and small baby stages are over. Thanks for pointing this out. I am happy about my little budding family most of the time, but sometimes just feel physically and emotionally overwhelmed. I'm trying to make taking care of myself important so I can actually *enjoy* these years as well as be the fully present, nurturing mama my kids need. Sometimes I succeed at this better than other...Read More...

Hey Yaku, Sorry for being so late to this! I have no idea how he thought that was a moose! I think it's absolutely adorable, and I love the name. You work so hard in therapy - I hope you know that. Thank you for sharing about your session - it's really a great thing to read and is very inspiring and heart-warming. I really hope things with insurance work out...It seems like, if they start fighting about more sessions, your T will fight even harder. So I have faith that it will all work out.Read More...

Thanks for taking the time to leave a note. I think there are more of us out there than people know. A lot of us who were traumatized as children grow up and try to help a child not be hurt the way we were. When you adopt a traumatized child it will trigger your own issues. BUT, it can be a blessing for both of you if you're willing to work your way through it all.Read More...

Hi all.... I want to get back to this thread but I am totally swamped with homework (mine and helping my son), and preparing for the painter to come tomorrow. So PLEASE I ask that you all not get PAD or posting regrets and leave the posts here so I can get back to them when I have a clear head. I also have to prepare my head for a therapy session tomorrow that I think will be really important. Not sure, depends on if I can muster up some courage. I'll be back when I can, hopefully soon.Read More...

I've never had such a thing, as I was paying out of pocket for the longest time and now I'm on a single case agreement, but my insurance wants to deal with my T directly, so even when we needed to convince them why I needed to stay with T, the whole process, they wanted nothing to do with me, only for him to apply and report to them directly. I wish you good luck, though!Read More...

Thanks everyone for your input. Raven: I too only really seemed to have the intimacy from my grandmother. I worshipped the ground that she walked on. She would give me a hug every morning when I saw her. Go figure.She lived thousands of miles away which sucked. SD: It is exactly what I mean with the intimacy. I have recently realized that I keep distant from people SO well. Its not good. I can be in the same room as good friends of mine but I'm still distant. Touch to me is so foreign. I've...Read More...

Yes, you are both right. I know she isn't really trying to get rid of me....that's just old coping mechanisms creeping in. I do think that subconsciously it affects me so I should say something to her. Thanks for the hugs and support. RavenRead More...

hi, i am enjoying the discussionRead More...

Incognito, Just wanted to say thanks for sharing the link to the Liberty puzzles. I have never seen those before, but now I am drooling over them. I think I know what I want for Christmas, lol. Anyway, if I were your T I would totally be looking forward to your sessions each week. Glad therapy is going well for you, btw.Read More...