Hey TN No worries. I love hearing about your sessions and progress so thank you for sharing. Therapy is a long hard slog sometimes - and tough! - so is great to hear how things are so different at the moment for you - remembering all the anniversaries and how grim it sounded. I read your other post - but replying here coz it seems to make more sense to. Is great to hear your t making jokes (when you told him you felt his emapathy). I love shared moments like that in my therapy. I am mostly...Read More...

((((YAKU)))) I struggle with the same thing as far as the crying/wanting to be held thing is concerned. You and your T have talked so much more openly about touch than my T and I so you are a thousand steps ahead of me in that regard. I don't know if it's this way with you but to me needing to cry and wanting to be held are inextricably intertwined. And I'm afraid that if I push myself to cry because now I feel as though I *ought* to be able to do that with T, without taking care of that...Read More...

Thanks for all the support. It felt great to get home and see so many posts. I had a good day, enjoyed the show, and spent 4 hours in a car with a very old friend who listened to my therapy woes and worries. To clarify because I wasn't clear last night I brought the games but didn't tell my T about them and we didn't play them. I never got up the nerve and as the session progressed it seemed impossible to bring up the games. It wasn't until the last few minutes when I was really feeling this...Read More...

Quell, My T says my name T and like many of the others, it's music to my ears. I don't know why. Maybe it's just that in that moment, I really know he knows who I am. It never occurred to me to look for him to say my name or not but I certainly take notice when he does say it. Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to wrestle a piece of steak from a dog. And it doesn't feel good when I "win" the steak. So I totally get how you are feeling there. It really does seem though that it is a very...Read More...

Somedays I´m sad to hear that your T isn´t as perfect as it sounded at first. And I can understand that now some of the things she said in the wonderful session sound just like she read the “attachment 101 – textbook” before seeing you. It must hurt a lot. I can feel that with my own T, that it is hurts a lot more when you have started to believe they are truly there for you and it is hard to believe. Then the next session they say something that we think proves that of course no one could...Read More...

Hi Jane, I'm sorry things are difficult for you right now. It's so important to be mindful and I hope you can get there and be in the moment. It sounds like your T is attuned to you. It sounds like you two had a good talk. I have been feeling so good about my T, I wish I could share the peace I have right now. Thanks Jane for being so there for me too. You're awesome and have so much to give. Love, NDRead More...

heldincompassion, I don't know what I'm doing about 90% of the time with this anyways. After last session it took me about a week before I was able to accept the rambling and to pull anything really positive from it but eventually I did...but it can be hard to hold onto without going back to not accepting myself/behaviors again...I keep trying but get discouraged again...vicious circle. I just try not to give up! Thanks for your encouragement...not going for another 10 days as I don't go too...Read More...

Well... my T was her usual, awesome, wonderful, calm, even, self. I shared the letter with her, though I had her read it, cause there was no way I'd have been able to read it to her without bawling. I do think writing the letter was rather cathartic, and it felt a little scary sharing it, but my T said it was actually very helpful for her to get a glimpse into where I actually am... whether I am willing to admit it or not. She was pretty pleased, actually, since it was the first time I...Read More...

I'm very glad bee, that you didn't read if it was triggering material. I needed to delete since I trigger myself by posting about stuff like that! I'm sorry I had to take it down.. go gently now, and stay safe... hugs, BeebsRead More...

((((INCOGNITO))))) I am NOT sorry I asked but I am sorry that things have been so hard. And that fight between H and his family had to take a huge toll as well as being so sick. We've had some family fighting in the past 5 years and it's really hard so I know how bad that feels. Therapy is hard but you do sound like you are in sooo much pain, too much pain that it might be counterproductive. I hope you are able to get across to him how much pain you are in and that you need help from him...Read More...

I don't know how to rename a thread to say update. So I'll just say this is an update. I am more calm than I've been in a week and I feel incredibly blessed. I had my session today and the bottom line is that my T has me very securely. I was completely honest and today was a lot about the transference and me missing him so much during the week. I was able to tell him that and to ask about more time. Long story short, there was a lot of conversation about me also seeing his associate for...Read More...

((((ND)))) So brave you of to ask for a hug. I think I asked my last one for a hug when I quit therapy but didn't realize then how loaded the topic was. If T was uncomfortable with hugs, maybe he probably would have said no to begin with? Butterfly, I know the no-touch thing has nothing to do with me. It was hard that he just announced it one day. I felt as though I must have been giving off some kind of signal that he felt like he had to say something, like I was going to ambush him or...Read More...

Hmmph! I think it ought to be against the law for T's to take such long breaks! How can that be in the best interests of some of their clients? I have to agree that T1 has not been very consistent and actually rather flakey, which isn't good news either. But still, I'd like to give some of these T's a piece of my mind when they take off for such ridiculously long lengths of time.Read More...

Wow, thank you so much for your sincere words, LG, they really helped me. You have a nice way of putting things in a way that somehow helps me to accept better. I really appreciate it. Hugs to you, too! (((LG)))) BBRead More...

I think this double session, pre arranged- idea is the solution here. I feel inordinately grateful to my psychologist for being flexible on time for me. I am in a very unusual position really. I get free therapy, which is flexible between one and a half hours a week and sometimes he stretches that spontaneously to 2 hours. So I always set aside two hours. And it is FREE!!!! Plus a one hour phone call imbetween the weekly session if I need it. I dare not ask him WHY he is so kind to me. I...Read More...

I have to chuckle a little. BG, when you asked if the marriage was volatile and if she treats people badly you're pretty much right on target. She and my dad's wife (the three of them are great friends now BTW) are very controlling and my ex even has that reputation around her hometown. We separated several times and she made -everything- my fault. She'd continue a fight with me while our daughter watched, even as I was trying to halt it until she wasn't watching anymore. And I appreciate...Read More...

Thanks TN for the support and understanding. I wish you were my T. Seriously though, I'm now having very mixed feelings about having scheduled that next session at all. I felt okay for a little while after talking to T, but now the pain of the last day and a half has returned to me, along with flashbacks of the anxiety that I experienced sitting there with my phone for an hour and a half wondering what was wrong. I never thought I would say this, but I literally feel scared of T because I...Read More...

Hey there Jane, The conversation would totally throw me too!! Her statements and then the silence. It would put me into a tailspin. I find it very hard - but I'm working on it - not to invalidate myself when someone else has a different opinion. Being able to hold two opposing opinions in my head at the same time and not feel threatened and still feel good about myself is definitely an area that I need work in. It's very hard. Do you think you will go back to her? xoxo LieseRead More...

This thread is being closed because Which Sadly you consistently do but refuse to engage in discussion of. If someone reacts, it is labeled as their problem. This is going no further this time as I am closing this thread. AGRead More...

Oh ND, your mother sounds a lot like my mother. She used to always ask me if I remembered certain people, kind of like, don't you remember the so and so's and all the fun we used to have? And I always thought there was something wrong with my memory but one day (not that long ago, unfortunately) I realized that ALL of her memories are tied to things and people related to my older brother who is 6 years older than me and the firstborn. They have a very pathological relationship and I think...Read More...

BB, I'm sorry about your friend. That never feels good. I'm glad that things are going so well with Cowboy T. You sound so much happier, settled and grounded since you've been working with him.Read More...

((Yaku)) Sounds like you hit a milestone there. I'm so happy that you managed to break down a boundary! Good luck for the up and coming sessions with your T. He sounds so supportive.Read More...

Hey Hoosier, I would definitely email - but I would also say "i know that we have strict boundaries in place, but I can't help but be concerned for you... and actually address the issue of it.Read More...

Wow, great job and isn't it nice to see our own progress. I think we all sometimes forget that our Ts are human and make mistakes. We just take them personally. He sounds like a really good T and I'm sure that he can take care of himself. I hope tomorrow goes well.Read More...

Thanks FMN! I've made three: the brown monkey with the white face, a white monkey with a brown face (the other monkey's sock "twin," but she looks more like a sheep) and the kitty cat posted in the chit chat section. I started making them at the beginning of the month for the purpose of giving T an anniversary gift. I found it to be a good focused task I could do in order to take my mind off stuff. It gives me a lot of satisfaction to do something where there is a finished product.Read More...