((((((((Jd))))) I just wanted to send some hugs your way...I am so sorry about what was done to you, and I hope that you will be able to find a church where the people are accepting and respectful, and know how to share real love with one another. You deserve to feel comforted and cared for...prayers, that you will find a really beautiful place that fills your heart and soul with God's love and comfort. I wish I could bring you to church with me- nobody is allowed to kick anyone out of...Read More...

Somedays: well done for you darl, its so nice that she helped out and supported you. I too believe I had BPD. What you said about the over-reaction about your childT. I had practically the same reaction of the thought of having to leave to go to Uni. Suicidal, thinking of ways to die, started starving myself, panic attacks, constant crying, cutted a few times and was in bed for 1 week feeling absolutely terrible. I ended up cancelling University. She could see through it. I felt so...Read More...

I have a growing list of Spiritual Directors and T's too! The latest is T6, when we first met it was like we had a psychic connection for a while because I knew things about the place and him that I couldn't have known and he seemed to know a couple of things about me which he couldn't possibly have done without more contact. He did say he felt we had a connection, though that may be a technique some use, who knows. Anyway, I have gotten further with this one in a few sessions than I ever...Read More...

Oh AG. I'm going to have a little tantrum now. I was beginning to get somewhere with an attachment to oldT and maybe we could have worked through some of these feelings and got to the bottom of them but I'm not allowed to see her anymore and IT'S NOT FAIR. To think that I need to start all over again and find a new attachment figure. Yikes. I think finding someone who works with attachment would be very helpful. Your T sounds great. But then so do you AG. You two really deserve each other.Read More...

Aren't insights and breakthroughs just the best thing NDRead More...

((((INCOGNITO))))) Just glad that you were able to tell T something that has been hard for you and that you don't feel stuck anymore. xoxoxo LieseRead More...

((deepfried)) How wonderful that you have such loving feelings towards the members of those groups. I can see that being a positive experience once I am ready for it. I love the book idea upon graduation. I would cherish that, too. These are people that get to know one another VERY VERY intimately, so it makes sense how important those books and bonds would be. --BrokenRead More...

((((((DF)))))) I am late to the thread and you have already resolved it, but I am going to respond to your initial post anyway....just in case this issue comes up again, or if someone else has a similar concern and reads this thread looking for some input... I just wanted to say that even in relationships where money isn't exchanged to keep it going, people make calculations in how they are going to interact with people. It doesn't make the relationship less real in doing so. I know it may...Read More...

(((Draggers))) I have to tell you stuff in PM, because I'm after writing stuff, I'm apparently "not allowed" to post it here. But, I did not get another handshake, because we ended the session in kind of a different way, as I had a rough time with potential memory stuff and T walked me out to my car, since I was in an unfamiliar area. He also called, as he forgot to check if I was comfortable with the directions home, and said he'd leave his phone on for 40 minutes in case I got turned...Read More...

I've had one dream so far about mine. I was cycling down the road back from my previous job. I saw her walking down the sidewalk holding sipping on a cup of tea. I desperately wanted to walk past her so that she would notice me and say something. Then I'm on some sort of gokart going past some shops and all I can think about is 'She's around here somewhere. Where?'. I felt nervous and a bit saddened in the dream because I knew I could not get to know her. I was very confused as to where she...Read More...

(((starfishy))) (((Draggers))) (((Jones))) Thanks for all the support. Yeah, H is over there until Wednesday, the 21st, a few days before Boo's birthday. If it hadn't been for her birthday, he would have been there even longer. They tried to schedule his trip such that he would be flying back ON her birthday. But, he said that he wouldn't go unless he could be back at least a few days to get adjusted to the time, so he could really celebrate his daughter's 3rd birthday with her. So, Jones,...Read More...

Thanks, to you too, Puppet and Yaku! I wanted to come back and reply to the posts from before...I have not had any time, between all the stuff that has been happening around here. I haven't even got a chance to read any of the threads much, besides not being able to reply to them.. I just wanted to mention that Liese's reply, really gave me some insight into the idea that a T could have negative feelings about dependency in a client, viewing it as something "bad" and that could contribute to...Read More...

Hey Yaku, Sorry I was late to come to this and your other thread...how are things going today? Really pleased for you that things are moving forward with the touch issue! Also, even though it may have seemed embarrassing at first, I like the way your T framed the whole anniversary thing. At the very least, it hopefully has made it a little easier to contemplate sharing some other anniversaries or birthdays in the future? I'm sorry it seems like you may have to have a daytime session and that...Read More...

((((INCOGNITO)))) You sound so much better. And the discussion with your T was so comforting. I was thinking about how he had compassion for you even if you didn't have it for yourself: that he wasn't angry you were searching through the facebook, that he realized that you were only trying to connect, that it wasn't such a great way for you to feel connected to him as it only brought more shame up for you on top of the fact that you weren't even actually connecting with him and that he...Read More...

Hi Butterfly, thank you for your kind reply. I still haven't heard anything and have started to think that, for whatever reason, she won't be getting in touch with me. Do you think that telling her she is the nicest person in the world was too strong and could have frightened her off?Read More...

Thanks Yaku, I have been wondering if it's time to ask former T about asking me to leave. I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet. She has asked me to come back to couples counseling but with my strong feelings for her, I think that would be so painful and my new T agrees. My new T said the worst thing I could possibly do is go back and talk to my old T. She said that I would just get hurt again. I want to ask my old T questions. I'd like to know why she reacted the way she did. I want...Read More...

Hi SBR, thank you for your comments to my post. I'm sorry that my situation resonates with you. It's a difficult place to be. At first I felt no anger because I was in such deep grief. The grief overwhelmed any other possible emotion. Lately, I have felt more anger, especially after that last meeting we had. Unfortunately, a lot of anger gets misdirected towards my current T, who does not deserve it. He is really wonderful, despite being human LOL I think the anger is a good thing if it is...Read More...

I've found it's been kind of helpful, to talk to someone who is not only outside of the context of my ordinary life, but very dissimilar to most of the people I've known well up till now. However, I should clarify that I grew up in something of a cult, so that probably influences my desire for a T who is "different." She pointed out our differences and the potential for conflict at our first session, but I insisted I wanted her anyway. So far it's been a good fit. Anyway, I didn't mean to...Read More...

Jane Thank you so much for thinking of me! It is really reassuring to have people to talk to that know what you're going through. My T is on vacation this week, so it has been a tremendous help fnding this website! Thanks again! FGRead More...

((((YAKU)))) BIG HUGS. Sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I felt bad when I saw that T hadn't taken my gift home but I never told him. It's hanging in a prominent place in his office and he doesn't have a lot of knick knacks hanging around - so I should feel pleased about it. It doesn't bother me anymore that he didn't take it home and maybe some day I will broach the subject with him, though it's been 9 months since I gave him the gift. I guess you can see why my therapy is moving at a...Read More...

Broken, I reckon you need to sit down with T again and re-negotiate your therapy. Dropping down to 1 session per week AND limiting out of hours contact is way too much at the same time. Can you go back to 2 sessions a week - if you did that would you feel more contained and safe each week - would that reduce your out of hours contact? OR - can you still email her but not expect replies? I just think things have changed. Us BPD's are hard work - that is a given and any good T who works with...Read More...

Thank you JMB! I will remember your responses forever...! I really appreciate them, yes I do struggle right now...a lot. And yes I have the sam problems as you do... For both of us I wish, it will get easier... Hugs!!!Read More...

Hi Forever Grateful! It is nice to meet you. Love your name! I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to your T. I agree that it sounds like she really cared about you. The book sounds like a really special gift...how wonderful that she gave you something you can always keep to remember her by. It's pretty normal to feel sad for a while after your T leaves! I'm so glad you were able to have a positive ending with her, though, that will help. Keep talking here and don't be afraid to talk to your new...Read More...

((SD))) (((TN))) Thanks. I do have some wonderful people in my life, it's just hard for me to stay so connected. My friend and my brother both live a bit away from me, and due to my financial situation I hate to use the gas to go and see them. I know that sounds lame, but I have to conserve where I can. They were both so good to me this weekend, I am grateful for them in my life. It's just so hard having to ask for this kind of help. For the mere necessities of life, like food. It's very,...Read More...