Hey TN How did the weekend go? I hope you were ok - and great that you can call your T if you need to. xRead More...

Somedays, I love that you don't give a stuff that I don't have a T that does make me feel better. JustMaybe, thanks for saying you learnt from my posts. If people really do get something from them, I would hate to take that away. I just need to start believing in myself a bit more and that may take a little time. Before I started this thread I truly was ready to start again with another T and not go back, but the responses I have had here have been very useful and have given me some food for...Read More...

Thanks for hugs Liese and kashley. I actually dreamed about T last night only we weren't in his office or doing therapy. He didn't act surprised or upset that I found his wife on facebook. He was surprised that her profile wasn't privacy protected. He didn`t think I should blame myself for being curious. He`s been understanding before about the fact that anybody would be frustrated by how little that I can know about him outside our sessions and so searching for info is a way to find out. I...Read More...

Sorry I can't respond with anything, but I wish you all the best. I am Mayo, by the way. Your quote touched a truth in me.Read More...

I think my T will be good for me with all of this. T doesn't know I think I am BPD - all she knows is that I have had early trauma, neglect and have attachment issues - she is aware that my abuse started when I was pre verbal and that I am 'frozen in time' and that I have significant trust, abandonment and rejection issues. She knows I dissociate and have very few memories of my life before 18. She knows about SU and that I feel disconnected from life and do not have close attachments to...Read More...

I wanted to share with you guys about my session this past week. I asked T what the purpose of emailing would be and he talked about being able to simply connect with someone during the week. We talked a lot about having someone to connect with on a deeper level than I am currently experiencing with anyone else. You guys were barking up the right tree, so I just wanted to share that with you.Read More...

(((((MH))))) No need to respond... just wanted to send you hugs and thoughts and say that I totally can relate to how upsetting this would be. I am so sorry.. Trust develops when there is predictability, dependability, not pressured demands just to trust. (I want to go tell your T a thing or two.) I'm so sorry that this happened right when you were going to talk with her about something hard - a true act of trust. Our Ts have power and control just by being Ts!!! I'm frustrated that she now...Read More...

I don't know, maybe you are right. I have a habit of expecting my own T to be perfect, while at the same time wanting her to overlook all my flaws. But then I think...well, I am PAYING her, so I should be able to expect more, right? And she's supposed to be the one who's all put together, not me, or else why would I be seeking her help? I have a hard time letting my T be human.Read More...

Woow, I am so glad for you BI, and for me...Your post showed me that it is possible...That eventualy we will be able to de-attache from our T....this is such a reassuring thing...Thank you so much for the post and good luck BI HugsRead More...

Oh, ok, now I have a better understanding. I am sorry you are feeling like you are wrong. I can imagine that doesn't feel very validating when he disagrees with you. It sounds to me though that he is trying to get you to see you through his eyes, which I'm thinking is probably a better version than what you see. My T does the same thing. I know she means well, but I end up feeling like she has no idea how much of a failure and total screw-up I am.Read More...

Thanks SG. I have actually LAUGHED today reading posts on the forum - thanks everyone for letting me find those muscles again. I think young T was too busy trying to define exactly what zoning out I was doing to made a deal of it - and I must admit I was throwing a lot of things at her during those last few weeks as I was unravelling. This T has had more experience with trauma, ptsd and personality disorders and so is probably more in tune with it. This T is also 12 years more experienced -...Read More...

I second your "yay for me" (you) for bringing up said pain-in-the-butt topic. Thanks, SomeDays!! And another "yay for you" for putting up those boundaries with your mum so you could have your caesarians in (relative) peace. Good grief. Even enlisting the help of the medical team...that is very impressive. The thing with Father's Day...I agree, very weird, that your mum would think she needs to arrange "alternative activities" for your husband!!! My mother has also taken an unusual interest...Read More...

Hi SD Can't really say anything exceptRead More...

((((SG)))) I just wanted to add that I too have a history in my hometown but first I fled for 10 years. And when I came back, I thought I felt good enough about myself in order to face all those old feelings of shame. But I wasn't. (yeah for therapy) The upside for me is that none of the people I was involved in back then live around here anymore. I did run into the dad of my best friend from high school a couple of times a few years back and then actually saw her at our high school reunion.Read More...

Thank you very much TN and AG! I am sorry about the belated reply. I somehow got overwhelmed to the point of not being able to post (I am struggling a lot these days). Sorry. It has to do with my issues though, not anything anyone here said. I really like the name StarHeart! . I will add it to my signature. TN, I am glad you like the long version. I thought about shortening it but found that I could not keep the feel if I tried to do so. TN, thank you for taking the time to reply even as you...Read More...

AW Tn, I'm sorry I'm so late to reply...I also am feeling very flat, because I know I have nothing to work towards in my therapy right now...it's kind of a directionless place, and it feels like all my emotions have just kind of shut down. I can still display the proper emotions on the outside but inside I'm just feeling nothing. It's awful, isn't it? But- I'm glad that you are attached to the T you are working with now, because it will help you out of that place, really it will. It's going...Read More...

Thanks TN and Liese. Yes, she is a tough cookie i guess.(and needs to be to take me on!) .. She also specialises in DBT therapy as well as CBT, ACT and IPT, brief therapy etc. The dbt makes me think that she is going to be able to help me if we choose to be together. If she had schema therapy too - then it is a done deal. I think being shattered for 5 days and not eating anything, not leaving the house, not talking, staring at a computer screen for 8 hours at a stretch, crying buckets of...Read More...

Hi, AG! Yes, definitely agree with this. I readily share most stuff from my sessions with H, just because my attachment to T makes it a very emotionally intimate environment and I want to make sure I'm still close with my H, not shutting him out. However, my H isn't overly share-y about stuff, so other than asking how his sessions went and whether he felt like it was helpful/productive (i.e. like if he had told me there was a specific topic he wanted to work through), I just leave him alone.Read More...

Thank you everybody. Actually I DO have one of those rainbow lights-- and it does help make it easier to go to sleep at night! We have started some new art projects that we haven't had time to do lately-- hopefully that will help.Read More...

T and I talked this morning and things feel even worse now. She basically said that the reason she doesn't always ask about the pact is because she's too busy. I understand. She has a four year old and a partner to keep happy. She also said that sometimes she gets confused as to whether or now we have a pact. I told her I didn't understand how that could be confusing. SHe said, "Well I guess you have a better memory than I do because sometimes I don't remember if we've made a pact". Even...Read More...

((((BB))))) No need to apologize for waxing all intellectual. I found it all very interesting and didn't know all about the different kinds of love. I'm going to go look them up right now. I'm probably at the eros stage also, from what you describe. So you are not alone there, BB. xoxo LieseRead More...

(((Liese))) (((STRM))) (((hemlock))) (((LG))) Thank you guys for the support. Liese - the isolation is definitely a problem. I have one friend who was in therapy for about 15 years a long time ago for a similar topic as what I'm currently exploring, so at least I have one person who "gets" it to talk to. But, it is still hard for me to do so on a vulnerable level for some reason. STRM - I can really relate to the out and in. My main problem right now, as I'm sure you can relate, is just...Read More...

Hi TN, I just read your second post. I feel your pain and confusion and ambivilance. I agree with you about filing a report. That I think would hurt you. And even though you've done what was needed, said everything on your heart and head- you still will have the pain and the emotion especially of what could have been. I know that even thought I've accepted my situation, the first thought of it and the past year and what could have brings me to tears. I think you and T still have more...Read More...

Puppet, Glad you are feeling better about this and seeing that it is not such a bad thing after all. I'm sure you aren't the first and probably won't be the last person who has called and hung up on her. And I do think its a sign of progress that you were even willing to reach out at all and call, even if you ended up changing your mind. Reaching out is a good thing!Read More...

Thanks for that summation of Oz, SD - really good!! I'm adding We Aussies think this is the best country on earth and equate it with the wonderful land of Oz (as in the wizard!) My take anyhow!!! So pleased you're feeling so much better and grounded AG. xx MorgsRead More...