Hi brokenillusions, I can really relate to the pain you're feeling, it sucks, I hope you're feeling better this week.Read More...

Hey BB, Unfortunately we are already running into trouble with Skype scheduling since she cannot skype when her son is home from daycare (because he would be too demanding of her attention). So yesterday we were supposed to skype at 445 my time which is 545 her time and her son would have been home, so she arranged a play date for him but it fell through at the last minute so we had to do a phone session. Then tomorrow we cannot skype because she is packed so full in her schedule that she...Read More...

you have such a great sense of humor. You crack me up, Draggers! I want you stuck to my windsheild. Just for a fly-by- a dragonfly visit. Sometimes- even from the beginning, T does things or says things, that make me freak out a bit- and I can't identify the source of the freak out. It is not his words at all, (intellectually- I get it) but rather it's my feelings and internal reaction to his words or his actions. I wish I could figure it out. It is like he is representing someone else in my...Read More...

***Possibly triggering*** Kind of related, kind of unrelated...but I was talking to my H about some parts stuff that is coming up on our drive down to see my dad, because I'm getting a lot of feedback of being scared to go see him and trying to work through what that's about and was saying how he couldn't have done anything bad, because of a memory I had of him getting very angry about me trying to kiss him on the lips at my grandmother's house when I was little, and the fact that affection...Read More...

MTF, Wow, you are so brave to have asked your T for her boundaries and what she is to you. the thought of me asking my T that terrifies me, but it sounds like it has helped you tremendously. What i get from reading your post is that even though you are sad that you aren't as connected to her now that you are doing schema work, perhaps this is better for you because you feeling less preoccupied with the relationship itself. I hope that you are able to find a way to feel connected without it...Read More...

Hi Mel1 (nice to meet you) Red flags are waving for me to even having read your clear post. Thinking about my burgeoning relationship with my T (I am 5 months into therapy) and comparing her with your T sends warning bells. T told me specifically when we first met that she was not there to tell me what to do, but rather that therapy should be a partnership and we would learn together. She does go into fixing mode but only when needed, like getting me a tissue or a glass of water last week...Read More...

Thanks Frosty... ((((Frosty)))) I have so little time to sort through things cause I go back to work full time the last week of August and I lose the flexibility that I have in the summer. I'm very excited to get back to the routine of teaching, but afraid I won't be able to make it through a full work day at my current energy level I am determined, though, and I know everything will end up working out in the end. As AG's quote says: "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's...Read More...

(((Incognito))) I am SO happy that your phone session went well. I am sure that was a HUGE relief; especially after the dreams you were having beforehand--you can definitely tell that there was a lot of anxiety there. Your T sounds like he does care for you in a good way. I like hearing about everyone's resolutions, and it does help. Sometimes when I feel so disconnected with T, I read everyone Else's posts and start to feel a little better. I like that you wrote out your feelings about the...Read More...

((yaku)) thank you for your message and sorry i get back to it so late. i have thrown myself into my work... sucks... its been crazy busy at work and i guess it is something to do, keep busy. but cant say i've been enjoying it. hopefully catch up on the forum in the weekend. hope you're doing ok too! puppetRead More...

Hemlock, I'm sorry that you don't have that intimacy with your H but I can totally understand. Sometimes I think that if my H and I don't make it, that I'll find someone new but not sure I would sure my story either. Just want to start fresh with a nice clean slate. I also get making yourself and your authenticy the first priority. I feel the same way. If my H made me choose right now, I'd have to say, sorry you have to hit the highway. I'm so tired of twisting myself inside out for people...Read More...

(((TN))) I'm so glad that your T called back. I'm sorry that he is still trying to set up the meeting with your old T for next Monday. I hope he gets back to you soon with a workable schedule. I'm thinking of you, DiRead More...

(((TN))) (((starfishy))) It went OK. I didn't hate her. She isn't super-duper, let's med her up. I did present as my most functional me, though, so even though I told her I can get really destabilized, it didn't seem to sink in with her. She wants to see me again in two weeks ("two points make a line") and I can bring Boo if I can't find childcare, although I don't like to bring Boo when I know things might destabilize me. I basically numbed out and gave her my background. She kept treating...Read More...

Thanks DF. After checking in here today, I wrote her an email asking her about 2 x weekly sessions. i didn't exactly ask for it (yet) but asked her how do I know that i need 2 x and then I said that this week I am relieved because I have 2 x sessions. Talk about dancing around the subject - why didn't I just come right out with it!!!!! Anyway - it will start a dialogue and then i will say something.Read More...

Update: I just called T. We had a little chat about things, and she reassured me that she doesn't think differently of me. She is not her to judge me, and all she wants is a full picture of who I am so she can best help me. It did make me feel a little better, but I still am in that longing for more stage where I totally want her to scoop me up into her arms and make everything okay. It only seems fair! So, okay, I don't HATE therapy. Right now, I strongly dislike it. We are working on those...Read More...

Aww thank you! I am humbled and inspired by all of you. How are you feeling - is your T back soon? -TammyRead More...

MTF I totally HATE when that happens It sometimes happens to me with my laptop. The damn computer decides to update something and shut down and restart in the middle of my post! I'd also like to hear how things are going with you... when you have some time and are no longer mad at your computer. Regards TNRead More...

Thanks for another handy (anonymous) quote I am going to whip out next session. This came up for me this week too. I realised that my T 'gives me nothing'. When she is therapising - she is fairly fixed and knows what she is aiming for and does a lot of talking and isn't giving me any body clues back - she is focussed on trying to help me learn something and is quite 'hard edged'. I told her via an email I didnt know what was expected of me and that she gives me no reassurance that she is...Read More...

Hi! I'm sorry to just pop in out of the blue- I know I havent written here in a long while... I've had times where I've wanted to disconnect from my therapist for an extra week, but there I was, returning to him with my tail between my legs. I think the attachment becomes increasingly painful as soon as we recognize our utter helplessness in the situation. One moment you can be basking in the warmth of their affection, and the next moment you can be hit with the reality of it all. I'll never...Read More...

Thanks for the encouragement LG and Beebs I'm thinking about it - it's actually a lot scarier to do than I thought - bit like having a blog and I'm not sure I'm brave enough to do that. LLRead More...

BI, I can relate,and I think our Ts are used to their clients throwing in the towel from time to time. Therapy is hard work. Hopefully you are able to bounce back to a place where therapy feels good again.Read More...

((((JD)))) I know that feeling. I am wondering if it would feel safe to tell your T about this sudden longing for a hug? In that scenario, you aren't asking for a hug or setting yourself up for rejection, but just opening up the dialogue to feel things out and hopefully find out how your T feels about hugs and what Ts policy is about hugs.Read More...

((Stuck)) Thanks so much for sharing in my thread. I have never once thought that about your posts, but I can understand projecting that sort of thing, because I do it literally all the time. I really appreciate you visiting my thread and also you recommending the book. I find it hard to describe myself as shy, because when I say that I am shy or anti-social, every single person I have told that to, without exception, tells me I'm not or gives me a confused look. I guess, because I can be...Read More...

Hello HBshadow Can totally relate to your struggle to talk. My T is perfectly okay with silence and she doesn't try to fill the silence by talking with when I go quiet; which takes some pressure off us both. She says that it is okay to be quiet sometimes and just be together without words being necessary. Also writing has helped with being able to talk sometimes and not always every session even 6 months down the line. She also sticks a post it note and pencil down on my chair so if I can't...Read More...

Incognito, I'm glad you were able to talk to your T and that you are feeling better about your session over time. You are facing a long break, but I'm glad you will have the phone sessions. I hope you have a wonderful vacation.Read More...

Well- it was Appointment day. I didn't admit to the flowers during session. But, I sent her a quick note telling her about it. We will see how our next session goes next week. Today was such a good session-- we discussed us, which I needed. She reassured me that we are working together but that it's ultimately up to me-- and she thinks I'll be the one who comes to her and says "I think it's time for me to go." She mentioned that my case is long term therapy-- I could take my time but I...Read More...