Affinity, I don't think he's feeling nearly as stressed, if at all, over this. But that is because he understands where this is coming from. You did not wake up one morning and decide to have these intense, overwhelming feelings of shame. These feelings are a normal human reaction to something that was done to you. This is not a matter of your T is together and "good" and you are falling apart and "bad." This is a matter of your T at one point getting what he needed so that he can regulate...Read More...

Hi Kids! I'm so glad I saw this post. Wow! That is a LOT. I sure hope the broken bone in your spine is resolving well. That sounds really awful, uncomfortable, painful. As for working from home - whenever I've done it, I'm a horrible employee, because I get so distracted by the dogs, laundry - everything. The people contact is a huge thing tho, and if this is a permanent arrangement, I hope you have good options for people contact elsewhere. Congrats on the relationship! And for being out...Read More...

Hi Liese, I don't think your feelings of love toward him are pathological in themselves at all. Even if he (or anyone else) does not reciprocate. All there is to do is learn how to deal with that. Sometimes people won't agree with or feel the same way towards us and despite that... we can learn to keep our perspective of ourselves constant. I loved my ex, and she cheated on me (which says to me she didn't love me very much). That's not something wrong with me, nor wrong with her. Her...Read More...

Ms. Control-- Sorry to hear about your situation. I have had two terminations, due to death and illness, so I know how it is to move on with another therapist. I "interviewed" new therapists before I decided on one. The one that I ended up choosing I found on-line. Like others have said on this forum, finding one that specializes in trauma (PTSD) is very important. I would also add to that that the therapist specialize in different modalities, such as EMDR. I have found that modality to be...Read More...

Hi Yaku, I think you are very deserving of this little new life growing within you Congratulations!Read More...

Thanks for the encouragement and support guys! I really appreciate your words! I'll still be around from time to time but really wanted to express how grateful I am to you all for sharing your stories here....good luck to you all in your therapy journeysRead More...

Thanks for all the support you guys. I'm having a major, "It can't be true" reaction right now and trying to sift through it, remember what it feels like to be in a semi-flashback about it when I can't believe it could be false. Also, just having a rough time physically (not feeling well) right now, so sorry I am not writing more, but I do appreciate everyone encouraging me. I don't see myself as brave or making a ton of progress, but I know it's hard to see when you're in it.Read More...

TN No worries about hijacking! I've been so busy lately to post. I just was catching up today. It gives me reassurance I'm not so silly about ending of my sessions. He did good there for awhile when I brought it up saying you need your Friday hug? Then the next 2 Fridays no mention of hugs or encouragement which I do better with. He finally gave me one yesterday again but I totally flipped out in my car having to call him. I usually have to call him after Fridays appt I don't understand why?Read More...

Affinity I'm glad I could help in some way. I think we do miss them more when we feel out of sorts, tired or stressed. Or even when we cannot hold onto that "sense" of them being with us. Last Thursday I had a really good session with T and I felt him with me most of the weekend. I didn't miss him because he was with me. But Monday was not so good and I have no sense of him. I'm very disconnected from him right now. I do know what you mean about that feeling that they would really like to...Read More...

Hey, Depending on where you want to go from that, it can be a very useful tool: I am very disconnected from my body, and sooo self-conscious, so any exercise involving feeling anything in my body is either feeling 'blank' or excruciatingly shameful... But my T goes in VERY small steps, because I told her some of my fear and she could guess it from my reactions, so... it is really interesting because it gives me a chance to explore that (the "oh, I am actually not a pure mind") without...Read More...

Oh, what a brave and lovely conversation. I constantly have needed mother substitutes - even though I'm too old to 'need' such a thing. It is painful. I have an older friend who I think of as my mother substitute (but only in a gentle sort of a way - she has her own family). But the other day, she said that she always feels motherly towards me and hoped I didnt mind!!! I confessed my mother-sub feelings towards her and we had a hug. Not seen her since like (it was about 3 weeks ago), but...Read More...

Thank you (longer answer when i get to my computer) it is just emotionally a bit scary because it is my "don't ever think that you can rely on someone to care, they will go away", even if... I know it was just a GP and that it was expected. Thank you.Read More...

Thanks, SB. I'm not sure what I wrote is cohesive because I feel like there is so much swirling around in my head I'm not sure where to start. But writing about some of it helped. Thanks for your support. TNRead More...

Thanks Puppet I'm trying to hang on in there. Don't have an appointment at all this week as it is bank holiday in UK this friday - and - I am in france!!! lol. I do have to cope with the boundaries set - and try to make the best of what is available to me right now - which is rather limited I agree. I can't imagine that any therapist is happy to work with me - I feel I am a pain, a nuisance and not good enough. (cringes in the corner, knowing this is child stuff). Thanks SP - yes, it feels...Read More...

Thanks Liese and Draggers Just talking about it here and hearing your thoughts has helped me figure out how I feel a little more, I think. I plan to tell NewT if I get the chance (she might have to cancel my session this week). I think I will call OldT and tell him that I am ambivalent about it and see what happens with that conversation. I think that I can give up the idea of meeting on our birthday without feeling too sad about it. In general, I have felt better since I finished with OldT,...Read More...

happy belated birthday, (((cogs))))! what a wonderful gesture from your T! i hope you're feeling better soonRead More...

Draggers and Emme--thank you for your replies. It's good to know I'm not the only one experiencing it. I know when I feel this way, I feel like a total b**ch. T told me, "Sometimes it's very healthy to get in touch with your inner b**ch." But, I always feel awful afterwards. Like, I hate myself for acting that way, then I feel guilty for acting that way with T, someone who is trying to help me. But...if I can get through this, maybe I'll be a better person like you guys were saying. I hope...Read More...

(((LIBBY))) I have absolutely no advice to offer but just wanted to say that I understand the feelings of insecurity and wanting reassurance. I never know whether it's a good thing or not to ask for it. It could be that she just didn't want to give you any false hope of a full time job - knowing that you are graduating and might be looking for a job. How about keeping it in mind until you get back and can find out more about what is going on. Maybe you can text her and tell her that you will...Read More...

Glad it went well for you - sounds really promisingRead More...

(((TAS))) and (((Liese))) I was worried that it was hard for you because of your difficulties with your T's boundaries and because I feel that way I was afraid you did as well. I was projecting my feelings, TAS, and wondering if you shared the feelings. I didn't think you were projecting at all.Read More...

Thank you for your answers and thoughts. It is a 'difficult' topic because I have so little data, my diaries from that time are remarkably unhelpful (the first two years, I sometimes wrote that I hated her, nothing more. The writing of a 9yo is remarkably boring). I have ... no idea. She was not a friend, my mother was very interested in Freudian thought, and was very convinced. It is possible that it was something very needed for my family to have a saviour: it had been difficult, crisis...Read More...

LJB .. I know straight away when I meet my T, if he is there 100% or not. So I would say I know what you mean.Read More...

Thank you (((AG))) I also appreciate the couple of you who had to post/delete due to triggers. I know this stuff is hard.Read More...

I'm just getting into the strangeness of admitting out loud to T my transference feelings for her. like you say, really terrifying! But something that is helping is to make clear to T my dependency feelings are coming from my inner child, not the grown-up me. Actually I'm older and bigger than her, probably can run faster too, LOL. It's so embarrassing! And making this distinction about inner child is helping. At least to break the ice.Read More...

That was supposed to be a hug at the end there. Don't know what happened.Read More...