Welcome Beautifullybipolar! I am sorry you can relate to these feelings and I hope that you too can find support here. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone. ButterflyRead More...

Wow. You nailed it and I'm sorry that you experience all of the PTSD hell and it is hell. Thanks for sharing.Read More...

Hi Mayo thanks for commenting. Yeah I wondered about hot flashes but apparently I am not even pemenapausal yet. Plus they are happening when I talk about the abuse directly Hi Beautifully I Like your forum name! Yeah it's a strange thing. It's not that I feel so hot as I just get this rush that then makes me sweat. It's strange. Kind of validating too but weird.Read More...

Thank you Jane We had a really nice weekend away and I am presently typing on my new IPad that my wonderful husband got me for our anniversary.It rocks (although I'm trying to get used to typing on the keyboard!) We had some great family time and it was very relaxing. Tomorrow we start digging out from under. I was considering just burning the place to the ground... Jo!!!! So good to have you back! I have often wondered how you were doing. Life's been a little insane lately so I'm trying to...Read More...

Hey BB No worries about any threads or responding on my behalf. I mean I have gotten the sentiment from you that you are thinking of me and care how I am doing. So individual responses are nice but certainly not necessary and I do the same thing too. I can't find threads etc and forget where a comment is that I meant to go back to. I did that with strummergirl (Is that her name?) She said something really nice and now i can't find it to respond. Then I don't really like doing a lot of...Read More...

Welcome, Ninn! ...and I hope you are feeling better R2g!Read More...

He has never specifically said I have to ask for a reply, but I assume that when I NEED one, I should ask. When I do ask for a reply, he usually does, but the time frame might be ten minutes or nearly two days (at which point, other stuff has come up). His phone call policy is 24 hours, but I will NEVER call him. Just can't. And sometimes, I don't say, "I need a response," but I figure it is implied, because I am asking a specific question of him...and he just ignores it until I have to ask...Read More...

I just feel such huge relief having told all that I told him yesterday. I feel lighter and less burdened and he did respond well and kindly and he did not vomit, (the usual response in real life, !!) although he looked visibly moved and a bit shaken at times, which is normal. I am so glad he is there.Read More...

thanks everyone for such supportive responses and helping me process through this. I'm in a tough spot with all of this now, so I'll have to respond more later. Right now I just want to say: I hate ED and my totally screwed up eating habits. I have been working so hard to cope better. I just so don't need to keep messing up with this. jdRead More...

Hi R2G.... I think DF and Jones had awesome suggestions. So I don't have much to add except that perhaps once a week you could invite a friend to dinner or to go out to dinner. I'll bet if you look around there are other singles that would enjoy a night out once in awhile too. When I was first married I ate alone almost every night because my dh worked nights and I worked days. It was a bit lonely so I tried to reach out to do other things to keep my occupied. I joined a friend at work and...Read More...

((((Sadly)))) Not quite there yet, but I can imagine...after years of not being safe, what it feels like to receive it. I am starting to do so with my T, but it takes so much risk, it is such a slow process. I am so glad you have sweetP with you to walk down these scary paths, step-by-step, and see that you can be safe in his care.Read More...

Well AG, you couldn't have read my mind any clearer than if you were actually in it! My T and I have had a rough few sessions as we're diving pretty deep into this, and other things. While I am aware that this is a huge thing for me to come to terms with, I'm still in the numb phase, as I really don't want to accept this fact. On another note, I'm finally starting to come out of this darkness that has been engulfing me for the last week. Unfortunately, it's going to be rather short lived, I...Read More...

This is a great sign of progress Freud'sFly! I'm very pleased to hear it, too, as you've had some rough posts lately. Good work!Read More...

I know I've said this before TN, but I do so love this T you've got! You deserve someone who is putting YOU first, and whose sole purpose is to help YOU!Read More...

It's like I have a giant target on my back. We're talking about abiding (T's favorite concept) at church these last few weeks. This week is about "taking off the old," letting old "lies" we've believed surface so they can be removed and replaced/renewed with the truth of God's love and ways for us. Lots of references to childhood stuff, bringing out stuff that we don't even want to remember or think about, to how painful the process is and how we could be tempted to give up, but God knowing...Read More...

LL, I am SO GLAD you posted this and did not delete it. I'm in a bad place with soon to be ex-T and I needed to read this and I want you to know I TOTALLY understand you!!! I also have never heard this, but as I think about it, this makes sense. (I wouldn't want to hear it from a therapist I've just been referred to) but it does make sense to me right now. When I was poorly termed, my new T "saved" me. Knight in shining armor she was. And I was ever so grateful to have someone who wanted me.Read More...

It really proves the very basic rule that your T has learnt the hard way, that a T should NEVER offer something (Ie shift a boundary) however well meaning if they are going to find they need to retract that offer as the damage from the feelings of abandonment are HUGE for the client and really NOT the clients fault I am SO sorry you are going through this, something that could so easily have been avoided by your T - by her not offering it in the first place. It is really therapy training 101...Read More...

Thanks each of you. Mayo: your t sounds very open about endings, you are lucky. Yaku: yes, I have to be ready to hear the answer when I ask the question and as I have not recovered from the 'no holding' answer I don;t think another 'no' would be manageable right now. TN: urgh, my P is in the NHS - so for all I know, they have rules and he LOVES his rules. He would probably read it out from his little rule book. did you know I bought some cushions for the centre as apparently the NHS does not...Read More...

I'm sorry your newT seemed overwhelmed. Maybe he was processing or maybe just making sure you got it all out? I think it would be fine to let him know you need some reassurance that he heard you and you guys are still OK. When I send vulnerable texts or share feelings I have about T that I'm worried about how he'll respond, I often tell him that I just need reassurance that everything is still cool between us. It's always so helpful just to hear back that everything is still "very OK" or...Read More...

aw, STRMS- you owe no apology. I wasn't very clear in my post. Yeah, unfortunately due to budgeting I can't afford longer than 50 minutes once a week, or, alternatively, a double session once every two weeks. and I am slow, I know that. I takes me half an hour to get to the point of being able to say a few things honestly, and then we have only a short time with the real material. I guess that's his reasoning- but, unlike with my SD, I do think T underestimates the huge value of simple,...Read More...

Hi, Ruby, and it is nice to meet you! Sorry I haven't chimed in before this, but I wanted to say one thing- you seem totally normal! I mean, celarly the level of pain and stuff is not normal or ok, I'm sorry you have to deal with that...but...but your responses are seeming really normal to me! (I sure hope so cause I have experienced every thing you have described! ) eeep- maybe I shouldn't say that! Anyway...listen to those smart ladies up there~ they know their stuff! hug, BBRead More...

Welcome here, cmac..I think she means therapeutic contact- at least I hope so for your sake. It sounds like you have established the kind of relationship that would by now be very difficult to break off. That must be very painful to think of. I think you should ask her about what is meant by that, and that if you can still have therapeutic contact even after she retires...it might set your mind at rest, or it might cause a lot of pain, but either way- at least you will know then live in the...Read More...

Yeah, I wonder if she is wanting you to initiate that conversation for some reason? That's the only thing I can think of. Like, I have a woman at our church who when I used to tell all the parents not to say "I missed you" when they picked up their infant/toddler, because they the kid will think, "Oh, I was supposed to miss mom!" She said to say, "I'm so happy to see you," instead. She was an elementary school teacher, so maybe she knew what she was talking about, but I always thought that...Read More...

I think I've posted before, but I imagine my T holding my hand from one of my dreams and that sometimes gets me through. Also, I try to remember really sweet things he has said to me. Imagining myself snuggled into his chest, patting my head like I do for Boo...oh, that is too much. I just almost started crying, LOL. Wow, I am ridiculously sensitive about this whole touch barrier thing. Sadly, can so relate!Read More...

Jane, First may I say how amazing you really are doing? I know because the emotions are so overwhelming and confusing that you keep assuming that you're not doing well, but your growth and progress are really clear. You're working really hard and I believe, doing what you need to in order to heal. I LOVED that you just showed up. In some ways the whole point of therapy is learning to be present, that we do NOT have to avoid places and things that can trigger us, that we can learn to handle...Read More...