I wanted to thank you sapphire blue, Monte, and Liese. I haven't been up to responding in more detail because I am working really hard but I haven't reached much clarity yet. I had another session tonight where I admitted that I feel so different about therapy and T and touch and relationships that I feel like I'm a different person who leaves his office after a session than the one who walked in. Sometimes it takes days to regain my equilibrium. I am afraid that I'm going to break into...Read More...

(((Liese))) (((SP))) (((TN))) (((Jillann))) I'm so thankful you guys managed to read my rambling and posted back. Just knowing people get this stuff makes me feel less alone right now. I had some shame about posting, but was able to sit through without taking it down so far...yay! Today, I declined two invitations...one to a lady's movie night with the women at church and one to join a women's group with many of the same women. I tried to imagine myself in there trying to be authentic about...Read More...

Thank you for your replies Cat and BLT. I'm sorry I'm just now getting back to this thread. Cat my kids have reacted differently and their reactions are evolving. DS is more aware and has begged me to eat on some occasions. My daughters have been more in support of the weight loss but they are noticing more that I don't eat what I serve them. It makes is hard to insist that they eat a healthy breakfast when they see me skip it every day. And I so agree with you on the talk about dieting! It...Read More...

Just wanted to let you all know that I had a consult today with someone very nice. I like her very much and think we might work together. I have an apt. in 2 weeks because I wasn't ready to make a commitment yet. We mostly went over my history. I filled her in a little about my therapy and why I am planning on leaving T. She made a comment that I've been looking for caring and wound up learning how to take care of myself as well as take care of the other person over and over again - like I...Read More...

(((draggers))) it does feel that way!! It is a process that requires so much patience and gentleness. Thank you for the support and reminders for self care, you are so kind draggers (((RT))) you have a good point... it is hard for me when I'm so emotional to not slide into the territory of total self blame, I think it kind of serves a purpose of retaining a sense of control? You have wise advice... (((AG))) I like what your T said thank you for the support too... I saw T today and we talked...Read More...

That's it! LJB. The we find that acceptance in their eyes that we never had with anyone else. My T wants me to see his acceptance of who I am. Hi back to both of you and TNRead More...

Ouch, yeah...Read More...

Wow! RT that's awesome! I admire your courage! I'm still doing the holding on thing. I have one of former T's voicemails that I listen to when I need to feel that connection or when I feel anxious/stressed out. I haven't had the guts to delete it. It's been a year and five months since I've had a session with her and I still struggle with missing her everyday. My current T told me I had the choice to close that door and end the relationship in my head and heart. With everything going on in...Read More...

(((BLT))) Glad things are a bit better with your T. SBRead More...

(((s-b))) (((TN))) I am so happy your T put the word out like that, I thought of you a lot when posting this. I am really glad that new T said she will be introducing C-PTSD in her trauma class (and she hadn't heard of it before we started working together!) She said since I introduced it to her and she has since researched it and read Pete Walker's material, she feels there is an urgent need for T's to become educated about it, and she wanted to do her part to further that training. I...Read More...

(((starfish))) That really touched me to read your reaction to reading this, thank you so much!! I felt really afraid and vulnerable after I posted it (I usually do after postings, it's so hard for me to leave them up) so it really meant a lot to read your kind words (((draggers))) Big hugs back to you dear (((pingles))) I thought of you when I saw T's doggy because I remembered you saying in one of my threads awhile back how much you love animals! I thought, I can't wait for pingles to hear...Read More...

((((cogs)))) just want to say that it really sounds to me like you are going through alot of the same stuff i am. i always feel as though there is something i want/need to talk with T about, especially as it pertains to our relationship, but i don't know exactly what it is i expect or what exactly it is i need to say or experience with him. it's very confusing, and wanted to say also that the quote from Leise is very spot on and something i will be pondering over the next few days. session...Read More...

(((liese))) (((lucy))) (((draggers))) (((LLF))) (((Jill))) I'm so glad it's helpful to you guys Jillann, I'm sorry the group isn't going well I've tried a few groups in the past (not DBT groups, just regular therapy groups) and it was not a good experience for me either. I hope you still feel some of the benefit, I agree with Cat it is very good info!Read More...

I think, me, Cat and Jillann have a lot in common IRL. At least once difference though... I still can't "talk" much here, but wished I could.Read More...

Thanks guys!!!!Read More...

no, my mum isRead More...

I'm a very visual person, too, so I've dreamed up a variety of safe places to go to (to my detriment, it seems, as I can just blackout and go there without a moment's notice...but I digress...) One of my favorites is a deserted beach. I love being around water. I also have a log cabin in frozen woods and a bench under a great oak tree with the sun setting in the distance. Lately, when I've been feeling particularly bruised, I've been imagining myself nestled against my T's rib cage...which...Read More...

Thanks for the thoughtful reply, RT. I've been "around" reading, but too nervous to post until recently. I've read about your bad experience with your former T and am so glad you've found someone to help you forward. Good for you for being able to trust again. That's one thing I really lost through this whole process and I hope one day it will return. The fallout also caused me to lose my job and therefore my insurance, so no new T yet. I don't know how I will ever trust again but perhaps...Read More...

MB, I'm glad to hear your complaint and its result have been helpful in your process. You deserve it. I really hear you about questioning your own sanity and about thinking you'll never trust in the same way. Ugh, it's so damaging what Ts can do. I admire that you're at a place of "they didn't deserve my vulnerability" and that you're at a place of knowing you didn't do anything wrong. You've got to know I'm dying to hear your song!Read More...

Thanks, everyone. I have an appointment with another therapist (male) later this week. His website lists some good, well established boundaries. I am hoping he`s not too far the other way- on the cold and detached side. Thanks so much for your thoughts- it`s often hard for me to trust my instincts so it`s helpful to get others` experienced opinions.Read More...

Sending my condolences for your loss. Sending you lots of energy.Read More...

Hello my dear friend! Little to add but did need to say I understand that.., don't know what I want place. It sounds, despite the pain, you're doing well with your T.. I can imagine it doesn't feel that way though.Read More...

This isn't an original. It's said a lot around the tables at 12-step meetings. H.A.L.T. H - Hungry A - Angry L - Lonely T - Tired It's a reminder that if you're having any of these feelings, you need to pay attention and take care of yourself. Getting overwhelmed with these four things puts you in a very vulnerable position for things to go downhill. So intervene with yourself before you're feeling all of them. HALT. Hunger - nutritionally and also emotionally. basic needs Anger - tho not...Read More...

Jones, thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts around therapy. i think it's incredibly relevent. for me anyway, i think this is what therapy should be. from how you describe it, she gently and thoughtfully GUIDED you through this transference. by no means is it finished, but it was shamelessly recognized and discussed in a way to help you understand and hopefully begin to resolve it in a safe environment. i think that is wonderful! from my experience, whether it is a positive or a...Read More...

(((exploring))) I'm so impressed with your creativity!! Wonderful, I'm going to remember that (((RT))) Thank you!! and I agree, great idea for acronym threadRead More...