Mayo ... they can't fake what stuff for too long? that they dont' care about us? Is that what you mean? Just needed a little clarification ....Read More...

Wow - June, I would DEFINATELY not pay for a full session if he missed part of it because of HIS schedule, make that CLEAR to him.There is no way he could argue with that.I am SHOCKED he did not suggest this himself. We need to learn that we can be assertive and clear, and this situation really shocked me. I hope I am allowed to say that. I guess I am old enough now to know that T's are just people too, and sometimes they need to be told when they have made a mistake.Read More...

Oh I do remember now that you said that Marsh ... I had just been reading the most recent post about seeing someone every 3 months .... Loved your story up above .... very cute! And thanks for your words of encouragement .... obviously I haven't been getting much done around the house today ....Read More...

TN ... My guess is that your T had a lot of projection going on there ... it wasn't you who was dangerous, it was him .... I can't believe he came over to your car .... you were just sitting there .... You should have called the police on him !!!!! It's so wierd that they don't spend time in school on termination ... It seems like it should be a huge part of their training ... from the terminations i've seen here on the forum, the T's have handled it more poorly than most people do in life...Read More...

Hi Marsh... I'm glad to hear that things are working out so well with your new T and that she is so receptive to safe touch as I know how helpful that can be at the end of a difficult session. My oldT used to give me a hug if I asked for it or he would pat me on the shoulder or arm or shake my hand. I found the contact very healing and grounding, especially since when I was in emotional pain I would reject or push away anyone who tried to touch me. I was able to tolerate his safe touch and...Read More...

I think I am realizing that warning them of my worst bits, is making them say they won't work with me. I think I shall stop that and just ask a lot of questions about how they work with trauma and attachment. I wrote an email the the 'no T' lady and she has not replied which is worrying me. I could imagine doing some good work with her, but she may be too fragile herself - and is wondering like the rest, whether she can actually handle me. I see a very famous psychiatrist - who happens to be...Read More...

It was. Having pie with my T was just good medicine. Liese- your message just popped up. I wonder if those types of memories are real or not. My T says it really doesn't matter if it was or not, he says I don't have to remember everything, but I feel I have to- a sort of a validation. I guess he means since the ideaa came up and was strong- that is significant enough. IDK though. Sure would like to know.Read More...

I just found this quote, which speaks volumes to me about how I click with certain people and actually the people who have hurt me the most - I click with - "We are attracted to people that feel familiar on an energetic level - which means (until we start clearing our emotional process) people that emotionally / vibrationally feel like our parents did when we were very little kids. At a certain point in my process I realized that if I met a woman who felt like my soul mate, that the chances...Read More...

Holy schmoly! Talk about confusion..., SG. Good for you for a good session, though. Man, How many times was I there with my T, just, *knowing* that he was totally not for me, completely not getting me, completely judging me, the worst things, just in agony...and the next time, bang, wonderful attuned, caring therapist, not perfect but, definitely close. It's SO weird. What IS that? I guess like Liese says, it's transference confusion. Last time I had a session I asked my T point blank, "Why...Read More...

Strummergirl ... your dream room sounds so, well, dreamy!!!! tonight I went down to the basement ... we just put in a new ceiling and new carpeting and it's quite cozy .... I sat down there for about a half hour and it was amazing! No tv ... no one saying ... mom how do you spell???? They didn't even seem to notice I was gone .... I needed to time just to listen to my thoughts .... it was awesome ... i need to carve out the time every day but i forget most of the time .... thanks for all the...Read More...

Seychen wow seychen, that's really powerful isn't it? Thank you for sharing that.....I like both the idea of covering AND dignity, especially when we feel so raw and exposed. starfishRead More...

HI Incognito ... I'm so glad you let us know how it went .... I was feeling the same exact way in therapy.... my T would ask questions and I would just answer one or two word answer because I didn't really feel like he cared about the answer ..... It just got to the point, I guess, where it had to be talked about or I would have to leave .... and yes it is so hard, and I'm not looking forward to the sessions to come because I know they will be hard .... After yesterday, I felt as though it...Read More...

Dear MH, Thank you for the update - it is good to hear how it went. I am so pleased that you went and fronted up with the things you were concerned about - that is amazing in itself, and I am glad you got a bit of relief from getting over those hurdles. It is an excellent sign, I think, that she let you express yourself without getting defensive or worked up herself - that helps a lot. It sounds like you didn't get much relief from your feelings about the other client and all the...Read More...

Jones that is a vast improvement on what I had! I feel better just looking at him. Thank you!!!!Read More...

TN ... thanks for your insight ... I just had to look up proximity seeking behavior and I realized that I am my husband's attachment figure ... He can really drive me crazy with what i see as excessive neediness and demands for my attention .... I wonder how it all plays out in relationships with our spouses? My husband just seems to need me and he can go out and function in the world as long as he thinks I am steady as a rock .... I'm not sure I have an attachment figure ....I think mine be...Read More...

Not really silly at all ... in fact, I love it! And I love your quote ... I think that is what I'm learning in therapy .... when others lash out, it's because they are fighting their own battles .... I just have to learn how to move out of the way ...!!!Read More...

Thanks Jones and Hals ... Having a really bad day .... and Hals, when I said that I bring up the transference issues, I mean what you are talking about .... needing too much .... I don't actually call it transference to him .... but I'm just assuming it's transference .... I don't really have a handle on the transference thing ..... My T says the same thing ... it's all normal .... it's okay to need him ... that happens in therapy ... blah blah blah ... anyway ... wish me luck today ... I...Read More...

Hi Soulfuldaze Thank you for replying! I am doing amazingly well now thank you. I only had counselling for a short amount of time whilst in hospital, but it really helped me come to terms with the changes, in particular talking about my friend and the changes my body was going through. Luckily I also have a strong support network, and that really played a vital part in my recovery I am now training to be a counsellor and am months away from qualifying (eeek) and hope to specialize in trauma...Read More...

Hi TN, My T's response to me telling him that I feel that the lack of a good, warm, safe connection with him is impeding my progress made me reconsider, at least for now. As usual, he was extremely respectful and considerate in saying that the most important thing is what *I* decide is best for me, and that I wasn't "trapped" there. I responded by saying, "yes, I know I'm not trapped, but I am invested." He said, "that's true, and something to consider." That said, he gave me his perspective...Read More...

Holy shit Deepfried! (can I say shit on here- no offense to anyone) I could have written your last post. Maybe this is why I freak out too! I had never thought of that. Thanks! I had a session on Wed. and usually strong stuff (usually good, but not always) comes up the next day and I txt my T and let him know whats up- (cuz I still don't feel much in session) My T mentioned EMDR again (tried it 2x not much success because I couldn't find a safe place) Thursday morning I awoke feeling sad,...Read More...

Lampers Sorry late again ...life would be so much easier if work wasn't in the equation, then I could really keep up!! Hilarious....oh gosh, that really describes beautifully your recent ups and downs, maybe keep a bulb ot two in your handbag just in case But it's good that despite all of those ups and downs, you feel that here is something about this guy that makes him worth hanging around with for longer. I think that constancy would be in my top 3 qualities in a T, and if he has been that...Read More...

It's ok, TN, I know you are not ungrateful. And how you are feeling makes absolute sense. When you summed it up in your other post - the email termination, the surgery, the police, the disappearing - I saw all over again, and more, how f*cking horrible, and horrifying this is for you. And actually I feel like I didn't quite get the scale of it before, which I'm sorry for. I think the anger at NewT makes a great deal of sense. He is not your T, plain and simple. JRead More...

Hi True North, I like your picture! And Au Contrare (I took spanish, so I don't know why I'm even attempting French!) I disagree with your statement that you don't have a lot to offer right now .... you were able to verbalize exactly what I was feeling!!! And so succinctly and eloquently! It was really helpful ... So sorry about you losing your T of three years ... I feel your pain ... I have to be honest, that is one of my fears .... whenever there is a car accident in the paper, I always...Read More...

Hi AG, Thanks for the link. It's all very interesting. Not sure if there is an erotic component ...sometimes it feels like more of a need to be taken care of ... a parenting type of thing ... sometimes erotic but when I really ask myself if I'd be happy with my therapist if in fact we did take up a life together, I always answer no, that he's not my type .. The thought of me rejecting someone never occurs to me ... I always have that longing, the unrequited love feeling, I guess ...wanting...Read More...

me too echo... I know that you and I have had a "misunderstanding" on the thread of insanity that I started...but I just want you to know that I hope you will feel comfortable posting if you need to about your marriage and divorce situation...if I've ended up freaking you out by my er, staunch positions, well, I can promise not to read or respond or both if that would make you feel more safe. Of course we all want to offer you all the support and friendship you need and deserve right now.Read More...