i'll come back and update about the dissociative-closeness stuff; you, LL, and i think Frog were interested in hearing about it. talk to you later! yes, indeed- caunt me in! I am still here UV,(love reading this still growing thread btw) just havent managed to squeeze(?) in lately!Read More...

TN, I'm sorry that you received such a confusing letter from your old T. That would send anyone into a tailspin. I still think that he cared too much and this letter was a way to try to reach out to you, but he couldn't see how damaging it could be at the same time. I hope you are able to talk to newT about it soon and that you are feeling a bit less overwhelmed today.Read More...

thanks Lamplighter, I talked with the T on Friday for about 40 mins by phone, I saw him on Monday I think last week and I shall see him Friday, he might have seen me Monday but I am actually away on a long weekend break which is proving the much needed break I need. Lovely family time. I know I SHOULD really look around but there are so few trauma therapists here. I should go private too but ah, the cost! This T is free and is offering me 80 mins a week indefinately and he is a trained...Read More...

Hello Freud’s Fly and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you’ve gotten a fair way into your therapy if your T is now counting on your having internalized her to the extent that she feels confident you can look for her inside yourself when you need to. I haven’t got anything of value to offer as the only internalizations I have are of negative judges - including T. And my abandonment issues are still hidden away beneath a pile of other stuff so don’t even know how to begin thinking about...Read More...

Sheychen I am SO sorry that even your last session was turned into a negative emotional circus by this T. Everything I’ve read about how she has been relating to you these last couple of weeks just makes me really angry at her. So I’m guessing she is an NHS surgery counsellor - one of the ones who is used to the six session therapy frame, so maybe not experienced at all in dealing with deeper issues? It sounds like she continued to work with you and found herself suddenly right out of her...Read More...

I just edited my post a bit and added some feedback from my previous therapist whom I rung and who CRIED at how I am being treated. She actually CRIED. so it feels like the end of an era. Part of me says " well I didn't like her that much anyway' but I know my young parts did.Read More...

Hi Morgs!!! so glad you stayed! welcome! I would have said hi sooner but just go to reading this. sorry I missed your post - there is a lot here! please do keep posting! and so glad to meet you ~janeRead More...

What if her hands were tied? What if she WOULD help you for longer if she could? What if she HATED having to tell you that the surgery/doctors were pulling the plug on your help there as they thought you needed more specialised care and they forced her hand? What if she actually truly does understand how bad it is and cares deeply? What if she is as mad as hell at them pulling the plug and is trying to make it sound very reasonable as her defense mechanism? What if your anger and your rage...Read More...

Hi again everyone. Forgive me if any of my responses sound kind of distant or whatever. I feel like I'm in a very numb place right now. Honestly, it's time like these that I question who the person is that even posted this to begin with. JD, What you wrote is really helpful. I feel all of the same fears that you did. I'm not sure if I'm to the place where my fears that revolve around her not knowing are worse than the ones that revolve around her knowing. Just like you explained and your T...Read More...

(((((Sheychen))))))) I am so sorry for the depth of pain you find yourself in. You really have been retraumatized. Once again someone you thought you could depend on, who said they would be there for you, no matter what, failed to go the distance. You took the terrible risk to open up and allow another to see your pain only to be rejected. It reinforces so many of our most forceful (and often most wrong) beliefs. Please hear as much as you can that the failure lies in your C's capacity to...Read More...

I know you have probably moved on from this now, but I also find ' no ' difficult from a T. I interpret as it meaning that they don't care, or do not love me enough. TO me it does feel like rejection and it was good in a way that you came to meet those feelings in a safe way with him, so that you can experience the whole play of it . I hope you worked it out with him adn gained useful insights.Read More...

Well, as you all know, she did not like what I told her and had is terminating my therapy with her.Read More...

Hi Butterfly, I think I can with great assurance, tell you I understand where you’re coming from. I’m sorry, I know this is painful and scary, especially since even though you were debating whether to go, this ending was forced on you. I ended with my T under very similar circumstances when she decided to leave her practice. I am glad that you can hang onto knowing the abandonment isn’t real but I also totally get you feeling that way. I know I did. On some level, I kept asking myself “but...Read More...

Hi DF Don't waste your energy feeling silly - it was a perfectly reasonable question to which you now have a reasonable answer!!! I would have asked it also. Hope you had a good session overall. Take care MorgsRead More...

Hi everyone. Things have been so super crazy and busy with me lately that I have not been able to screw my head on right. I am so sorry for not posting something sooner, but was out of town and trying to settle into my new life. I just wanted to take a moment to respond to everyone’s posts. Agent- I am lonely, but more importantly, I’m going through a MAJOR life changing move. And T knows this. So it’s doubly hard that she seems to be not as supportive as I need her too be now. Or maybe, my...Read More...

Just wanted to say that I can get into your blog now - thanks Sheychen. And know that I’m thinking of you - especially tomorrow. (((( Sheychen )))) LLRead More...

MH, I am glad to hear that things were better and that you had the chance to go over some of these texts (I hope that helped you know that she is reading and taking in what you send her) I am really glad that she clarified that you could text her and that she wasn't punishing you. Therapy is such a hard process to go through so I think it is brave of you to tackle these issues. Hope your next session goes well. ButterflyRead More...

If I remember very clearly what she said - to my husband on the phone yesterday, "I want to do what is best for S and it may be that she comes through the worst bit just now and we can just keep going or it may be that it gets more difficult, I don't know and I may have to help her to move to work with someone else, but I will not just leave her, I will only do what is best for her, because I care about her deeply and I do feel I do not have specialist training in Trauma. but we do not know...Read More...

That was very brave of you. I am really happy that you are able to feel her caring again ButterflyRead More...

BB, You're such a sweetheart! I know the possiblilty of my T reading is extremely slim, and I guess this would be the one time I wouldn't want her taking an interest in me. It is just my paranoia kicking in. It was a fear I had before I joined and almost stopped me. You're so called 'scary thread' is not throwing me off at all, in fact it is giving me comfort to hear I am not the only one that this worries. Also helps with the reality check I know about the kind of upset attachment causes oh...Read More...

((((( AG ))))) Makes you wonder why the good feelings can’t stay good doesn’t it? Why does pain and fear have to creep in to mar something beautiful? I suppose if you work on the premise that there are four prime emotions - joy, grief, anger and fear then it’s logical that we can only feel good 25% of the time. Wish it were that simple I think you’ve been doing amazingly well AG - you’re allowing yourself to feel what’s coming up for you, not running away from it, and you’re facing it square...Read More...

I’ve noticed that the view count isn’t actually one per view but more like 3 each time a thread is looked at. And if you’re actually posting, I’ve seen that it can be as much as up to 5 per post - depending on whether it’s your thread or someone elses. So in fact a number like 3000 isn’t 3000 actual views but probably more like half that number. Also the view count doesn’t automatically go up immediately, there seems to be a time lag (which makes it hard to work out exactly how many views it...Read More...

Hi SG - Sorry it's taken me so long to come back to this, and sorry to jump in again everyone else - I know the conversation has moved on a bit. It's a whole bunch of stuff, and I'm really undecided. I'm reluctant to go into too much detail because I'm worried about identifying myself. She's not suggested art work with me for ages, and often her art table is not out. We've just been talking, and I don't know what style... just kind of general reflective reasoning ("what does he need? what do...Read More...

Hi Morgs, Sweetie, I'm no spring chicken! I'm facing 50 squarely in the face so no worries about your age. And of course it's okay with us for you to be part of the community. It's strength lies in what each of us brings to this place and in our sharing it with each other. I'm really glad that you've taken the chance to step out into your discomfort and post. And btw, Shrimp on the barbie? NOTHING says Austrailia to me like that phrase. Thank you for being so supportive throughout this time.Read More...