Sheychen, I am really glad that you were able to feel 'heard' by the clincal psychologist and that you were able to gain some faith about the way you cope from it. It sounds like it was a really useful session and hopefully you will be able to gain some answers from the outcome. As for how your T will be on Wednesday I really don't know, but I do agree with the psychologist that you don't have to say everything at once, you can take your time. I really hope that you and yout T are able to...Read More...

STRMS That makes perfect sense, something that will help ground in today when everything inside feels like many yesterdays. Thank you everybody for your replies, they have really encouraged and helped me. This little starfish is taking a little break, off on holiday to find some warmer water to swim in and a little rest in the sunshine. Speak soon, starfishRead More...

Hi DF, I'm sorry that things are so tough right now, though I'm glad you were able to talk to your T. I don't have much that can probably be of any help to you...I guess I just wanted to say that I understanding how confusing, frustrating, and seemingly impossible it can be to think about things when you have so many different conflicting opinions about it all. I can also understand your fear of believing anything, because (I'm kind of guessing here..tell me if I'm wrong) you fear that...Read More...

hals I'm glad you are feeling stronger,that's good to hear. Sending hugs and thoughts your way to help keep that feeling a little longer. starfishRead More...

sounds like we are in the same boat, Forlorn. I hope my T and I can mend it. i felt abused, she was full of how awful she felt about what I was saying and not actually hearing me cos she was talking non stop. It was awful. i am trying to live each day as though it did not happen as it would be too painful to really be living with it. I also hate the feeling that *I* have to make amends and that she could have left me a message saying 'sorry I lost it.'Read More...

If you find out, will you let me know? I think its all uphill with a few teasing glimpses of the peak to stop you turning tail and running back down to base camp. But something spurs you on to just see what it might be like to conquer this big hurt and climb to the top.... starfishRead More...

All legs crossed for you AG starfishRead More...

Such an awful session, infact the worst. She said no to letting me record the sessions, so i explained why it would help me and she went on about attachment stuff and how it would not help me stand on my own feet and I argued that it is not about that, it is about not hearing what she is saying .. and wanting to. and she said that her supervisor and her supervisors supervisor and she herself ALL agree it would not be best for me to record my sessions. Then she did not swop the cardigan and...Read More...

good luck for tomorrow, if you are in America you will be probably having your session about the same time as me. Mine is 1pm English time. will be thinking of youRead More...

TN, you don't know me, I am new here, but i do know what it is like to have therapy get very difficult and even damaging, so I would like to send you safe hugs and real heart care. I hope you find a way forward in this dark and difficult space, it is so hard this therapy. would not wish it on my worst enemy, none of us would. It takes so much courage and strength and requires that we feel safe and respected. I hope you find the safety and respect that you need. Please take good care of...Read More...

gosh- so meny stupid things that would have made me do.Read More...

Thank you so much for the encouragement and support! I so appreciate everyone's confidence in me, it really helps when I'm not having any confidence in myself. I ended up sending an email last night to my T telling him about being scared and sad and he replied to me today with an incredibly attuned, understanding email. It really restored my hope and joy. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to be a mess next Wednesday, I don't think there's any way around that. But I know it's going to be ok...Read More...

She said that during this nine day gap, she would phone me on the fourth day at 9am for 15 minutes. she said she needed to think about me recording a session. She was exceptionally kind and real today. urgh. i feel 2 yrs old. I am experienced at therapy and all this stuff, and yet I am rampaging around like a 2 yr old.Read More...

No I did not get any way near telling her. it was hard and frustrating. I also asked her if i could record the session and she said she needed to think about that. I think I am trying to prove she does not care when infact she does, but if she DOES care, I will hurt a lot, as it will melt this protective part of me and the hurt parts will come to the surface, so i am in the middle of trying unconsciously to make her feel useless and telling her she is no good when all she does is be kind and...Read More...

this just makes me so sad. it is amazing to me, what affect, NOT being HELD as a child can have on a human. i am the poster child, i know, but, wow, it is amazing how this one thing can make such a difference in a life, and all the years i have suffered just because my parents couldn't do the few things that could have put me in such a better position for life. and the thing that is so sad, it wasn't their intention to f me like they did. they were just stupid emotionally, and yea, i guess...Read More...

Just wondering, how things are going with you today TN, if you feel up to posting about it. ((((TN)))) BBRead More...

Hi, Incognito...sorry things are so rough. I just wanted to say, that I am sure that if you stick with it, and keep on trying, gradually the talking will help and you will make some headway. I think from what I have read on here, that it takes a longer time with what you are dealing with, and that it is easy to get too overwhelmed and the need to slow down just by nature, makes the process slow and kind of painstaking. That is the sense I get. So, I guess I just wanted to chime in and...Read More...

COUNT ME IN! Yes- sheychen-(and welcome!) also known as the audipal complex..(?) I work A LOT with these bound in therapy. My transeference are so formed by it, and sometimes it almost feels like a parody that i have developed such alike feelings for my T as i once did with my father. I guess Freuds "law" are very much present in my Therapy roomRead More...

hi SG, i've 'seen' you around but haven't said hello. well, hello and great to meet youRead More...

smiley Glar that your T called and that she felt she had an explanation, even though it sounds like you are still a bit unsure. I think I sort of get where she is coming from...when I have flashbacks they might take several mins for the truly vivid intensity to wear off, but the feelings from the flashback hang around for ages - hours or days sometimes. So although I'm not still experiencing it as a 'right there' happening, my mind and my body sometimes are caught in limbo land, trying to...Read More...

I was wondering how this was going to all play out....I had read all of the posts in this thread last evening and was lost for words.....so glad that you have intervened Shrinklady! I am still processing/reflecting on all of those posts! SRead More...

Hello UV - seems you’re going through a period of assessing how your therapy is going and coming up with some serious issues? I hope you are able to talk to him about all this and get some assurances from him about what his intentions in regard to your therapy are. Couldn’t help but fix on the same quote Maclove quoted This jumped out at me because that’s exactly how I’ve experienced nearly every therapy relationship I’ve been in - where I’m the one doing the job of the therapist - trying to...Read More...

I was worried about this too, since it took me about 7 months to connect. But I have to say that I don’t feel this way at all now. I know that my T understands the process of building a relationship, and he didn’t expect me to be connected to him until I was ready. Personally I don’t think you have to come right out and tell her, unless you really want to of course! There are ways you can show her that you trust her and feel connected to her without actually telling her- for example being...Read More...

Dear Forlorn, I deeply feel for you, -this confusion can be so dreadful(?) and suck the best energy out of your (loving) heart.. Dont let it! I truly believe your Love for your T. I can tell. And I agree with you; It`s beyond (above?) the knowlidge and facts, info about your T etc.. Because in a way: You two have a bound and relation, wich intimacy is A LOT stronger then most partners and friends got. (I am sure you know all this, bear over with me for getting teacher-role on you..lol) I can...Read More...