Jill I found it really interesting that you would talk about not making another appt but planning on calling it because that's exactly how my T handles it. You don't leave or stop being his client, you just don't know when you're next appt is. I kept wanting to set an end date because I knew leaving would hurt and I just wanted to get it over with. He finally clearly called me on that, and said if I insisted he would set an end date but he really thought it would be better to let it happen...Read More...

sunnyshine I think the bottom line is that you must go with your feelings. I think that sharing emotions can be validating and helpful, perhaps even more so when processing trauma; it has been for me, teaches me that my T is a real person with real feelings, not a blank canvas, that would be so triggering for me. But I have never been uncomfortable with anything that she has told me, but would certainly feel able to tell her if it did and feel certain you must do the same. It will help you...Read More...

Hi, DaRock...just wanted to say hi, I don't think I had a chance to say hi yet! Good your session went well...! It's nice to meet you. BBRead More...

ditto from me, i just printed that part about shame. i know so often things really ring my bell, but this is exactly IT! this supports the chinese water torture of my childhood, and the evasive subtlty of it as well. T1 said PTSD, but this shame thing is most accurate. it is not fear of my life being taken, it is more the fear of living it out! i think you know, and no 's' stuff, but overbearing anxiety at just what, i don't know. anyway, taking this right on into T3 monday and i hope we can...Read More...

Hey, Mayo...Thanks for asking- I'm hanging in there right now! Good that you are busy...wish I could get motivated, ugh...yeah, it's a really good place. How are you doing? BBRead More...

Lizzygirl, I'm so sorry about your dog. I had a dog named Molly once too. I'm glad she is now at peace, but sorry for the pain that it brings you for her to be gone. It's good that your husband has been sober since that night. I'm sorry that you had to see him like that. Your T sounds great and I'm glad that he has been there for you. That is so important.Read More...

Thanks for your post, LL...and I read in another thread you mentioned seeing that T for a fourth time, and now not so sure about her...I hope to see an update soon. Hugs to you {{{{{{{{LL}}}}}}}} Oh yes you were spot on with the dodgy mea culpa games played by moms. Really that's just all about them too. Still not thinking of us and how it was for us. It is probably unconscious on their part...but still...leaves us feeling guilty instead of resolved. But at least we are learning better...Read More...

What do I say to all of you? I am so touched by all of your responses. Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your own personal experiences, it really does help. I did get a response from my T and I kind of said the same thing to my T that you, DF, suggested. Writing a little at a time. I do get frustrated and upset so if I just write a couple of sentences at a time maybe I can actually write more. ((BB)) - you're so cute! Thanks for the hug I could feel it way over here. The...Read More...

{{{{{{{Echo}}}}}}} I'm sorry to see we have so much in common, Echo And I wouldn't be too quick to say my marriage isn't ending, the jury's still out on that, yet. But it sounds like you ARE there, and I'm really sorry about that. You've got a lot of pain to bear up under right now. I was glad to hear in another thread you posted about asking for and receiving support from friends...I hope that continues, and of course you always have friends here to support you, too, if you ever need to...Read More...

{{{{{{{{Agent}}}}}}}} Missing a T is so terribly painful...I think it's safe to say we all really get this...they occupy a very special place in our hearts that no one else can. I am also a champion fantasizer when I'm in pain so I can really relate to that refuge you mentioned. I'm really glad to hear you contacted your doctor to help you find a new T. I hope the next one can help you work through the grief over losing your last T, and continue the work that you want to do in therapy. And...Read More...

TN, I'm curious about the idea of dissociation. I see it a lot here on the forum but I'm not really sure what it means. What actually happens when you dissociate? There are times where my head is so foggy I can barely think straight, but I've gotten so used to it that I can actually think and function in spite of it now. There are also lots of times where I'll totally forget what we talked about in a session, but with a word or two from my T - or if I really think hard - it all comes back to...Read More...

Welcome Elle. That's a pretty name. I hope you will feel comfortable in our group...and that you can find some caring and support for yourself here. I'm sorry you are suffering, and I hope we can ease your loneliness a little bit. I have often gone through times in my life when it felt truly like no one cared. But after some therapy and work, I was able to at least be able to see a little bit of the caring that was available to me for the asking around me. Let us know how you are faring. BBRead More...

oops, hey Jill, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to take this convo somewhere else by opening the art therapy thread - I just didn't see this one at the time. But we can hopefully have 2 convos about art therapy, right? This exercise reminds me of games we used to play as teenagers - describe a house, a path, a tree, a cup, a wall... each thing is supposed to represent something inside you but I can't remember them all now.Read More...

Hi DR - I'm so glad that you found another T, thank you for telling us about it, it sounds like you are working VERY hard and it is amazing to hear about, especially all the details of what you are learning about yourself in being "forced" to take things slowly - paying attention to yourself and how you feel, emotionally and in your body, also making other connections and turning to others for support - this is all good for me to hear, being a really good isolater myself. And I'm glad you're...Read More...

Interesting topic- My T is always telling me to pay attention to my body- but hard for me to do. Yes, yes I do (or used to) get the crawling scalp pins and needles in session (have to rub my head when that happens) and the vague body emotional stuff- strong. This has increased lately- it is extreme embarrassment (so extreme I can't talk and can not stay there)mixed with sexual stuff. Something my T says- triggers this, but I don't know what he says. I know it is about love, and my crossed...Read More...

Russ thanks so much for your comments. You’re dead right when you say I’d started looking for Ts who at least had experience because what I needed I reckoned the less experienced ones couldn’t help with - in fact I now see that experience itself is not enough (Strummergirl has hit the nail on the head - as usual - in another thread when she says that for a T to be able to help on the level I’m looking for - and I’m guessing quite a few others are too - the T has to have gone through their...Read More...

Ultraviolet hi Yes yes yes. I feel a LOT of anger and though sometimes it’s sparked by a specific event or person or comment mostly I sit in a pressure cooker of undirected rage (half the time I don’t even recognize that it’s rage it’s only lately that’s become clear.) Before, I’d really struggle trying to make a connection between my anger and something that must have caused it - and usually ended up with it all being my fault anyway. I’ve come to accept that yes actually I can be angry...Read More...

Deeplyrooted - I think it was very generous of you to share your "ideal" T appointment. I'm sure it was helpful for lots of folks, myself included. It also sounds to me like you are firmly in the process of healing yourself and I am happy for you. saandRead More...

ultraviolet, what is 'gaslighting'?? and thank you for you response and your encouragement. i felt so burned by him. in fact, in that that happened in our second session, i didn't realize it til a few days later, but just thursday i went to my SECOND session with T3, and i was SO BRACED FOR A PROBLEM that even her sitting in a different chair upset me. she TUNED INTO IT (yea! for T3) and went to her 'usual' chair. i was so braced...it was 'as if' seconds sessions were the problem...'second...Read More...

My therapist's car broke down completely while he was driving past the area where I live. I must have been sending some electrical shockwaves to effect it so badly. A few days before that I went to have a look at the new cars, thinking of changing into something new. Apparently now my T is going to get a new car too, since the old one is dead. What a coincidence, isn't it? I feel like wow, we are both going to get new cars around the same time! I passed him on the street today, while I was...Read More...

the more i read y'all's posts, the more i realize i should be content with no apology, etc. coz if i had that, i may be inclined to re-enter the sick co-dependant circle i was in. so, watch what you wish for, i am telling myself. better to just leave it as is. it is weird though, a year ago, if they were killed in a car crash?? i would have mourned. now?? i really don't know what i would do. but, just between us, relief at not having to be in relationship with them (because of my own sense...Read More...

Well, if that is really all he wants then that is ok if YOU are ok with it. I think doing what feels right for you is most important. Oooh, looked handsome today huh? I was drooling over the barely older than teenage gardener across the street from my T today. He has his shirt off and a very shiny set of washboard abs. He was fun to look at for a few minutes! Oh yes, I can't wait to hear about the body language conversation and the birthday too!Read More...

BB, the first part of this quote is very sad because it is so true. The second part is as you said life-giving. Would you mind if I use this as a prompt to starting a new thread? I want us to expound on both of those thoughts. deeplyrootedRead More...

LL, Last week my T said: "The first day you came to see me, you told me that you came from 'a wonderful, very solid family. There's nothing wrong with my family.'"Read More...

Ha ha Pin Dolls Forever! Let’s see I need one for my stepmother (a BIG one there) and oh let me count - three for the worst of the Ts and at least two for the Pdocs who should have known better oh and there’s another one for the in between T who got angry at my tears calling them waterworks and spent the entire session telling me how intelligent he was and oh yes another one for... hm I think I’m going to need a lot of dolls lol. Jill whether you are the ‘problem’ or not it’s their JOB to...Read More...