Just curious, Jill. What role does anger - felt, unfelt, kind of felt - play in your day-to-day life? I'm finding reservoirs of almost blinding anger beneath all my other stuff. I haven't pin-pointed the precise whys just yet, but the anger is fierce.Read More...

Hi Jill, I too have experienced Christs love and grace in my life. The T that I see is of a different belief system, but it works for me. This website has much to say on finding a good attuned therapist- check it out. My T has all of the right stuff to do the job, and who knows I may- (Through the love of Christ) be of some benefit to him. If you are new in your faith- you may want to find someone who reflects that faith, though. I wish you Gods blessings in your search.Read More...

I have told two friends. One helps me out and the other refuses even though I offered to reciprocate ("it's just too complicated; I'd have to get dressed"). It's weird though, yk? I think they think I must be really crazy. If I mention anything about marriage problems, people seem to disappear into thin air, as if that problem is contagious.Read More...

Seablue, Are you kidding? I think it calls for cartwheels! That takes so much courage to put yourself out there when the shame monster hits and you just want to run away. Believe me, I know! I'm doing a bit better, thanks so much for asking. My T will probably get an ear full when I see her on Wednesday. I have a lot to get off my chest, and I've been a lot more emotional lately than usual so I know I need to get it out because my body is telling me so. I don't even want to answer the phone...Read More...

Hi CT... I missed reading what you deleted and I hope you are okay and will come back soon to let us know how things are going for you. Hang in there. I just want to add that I've been through some serious disruptions with me T over the past year or so. Fortunately, we were able to repair them and our relationship is now stronger and deeper than ever. And it feels so good to see and experience how this works... I found it quite healing. It was hard at first but I came to realize that my T is...Read More...

Hey Lamplighter, I'm sorry for not posting more recently - my internet has been down. But I've been able to read a few your posts, and I'm so pleased to hear that you will still continue your search. Every one of the other posts are so right. You deserve to love and have compassion for yourself, and you deserve to find a T that will both help you realize this and reinforce that compassion with their own. Whenever you go to the next T, have you thought about talking about how tough your...Read More...

Losing my connection of the vividness of my past is to me a welcome relief! I have no problem letting go. I hope Jones you will begin to feel this way, and it builds momentum for you. It is exciting stuff. My T and I start EMDR again next week. Cant say I'm excited, but I know I have to do something to lessen the burden of the past if I am going to survive the present and future. I have a list I sent to him written before he took his long vacation. I am trying to decide if I want to tackle...Read More...

Hi Bobby, It's understandable that you're feeling all that. You allowed yourself to get close to someone and feel attached to them (a very healthy thing to do btw!) despite all your fears. And you got hurt. It's not the same thing that has happened to you in the past. Her leaving her practice isn't about you and I'm sure she's not enjoying what she's putting you through. But it's very understandable that the pain this is causing is bringing back all those messages that it's dangerous to let...Read More...

Dontgiveuponme Hello and welcome. No I really don't think your therapist or any other decent one would think you are crazy, neither would anybody here. What you describe sounds very familiar to me and I expect to several members here. It sounds very much to me as TN suggested, that you are dissociating, little wonder, as you say I think your body is trying to protect you from being overwhelmed by what you are experiencing. This can result in all sorts of feelings of heaviness and...Read More...

Hello again and thank you so much everyone (again) for being so supportive. I really needed that and so appreciate it, I am so scared that people are going to think oh god Lamplighter always has to complain doesn’t she, there’s always something wrong with her Ts especially after I tempted fate BIG TIME by posting that glowing post about this T and going on about yes you can find the right T if you keep looking and the very next session suddenly it’s all crap again - I really feel paranoid...Read More...

(((( Deeplyrooted ))) Nah not going to slap you when you already have a big enough stick to beat yourself with! We started a bonfire on here for big sticks a while back, I’ve gotten rid of mine but for some reason I seem to have an inexhaustible supply of them (they keep appearing in my hand no matter how many I burn lol) These comments remind me of the same thing with me - sticking with ill-fitting people and only in retrospect realizing I should have gotten out a lot sooner - hearing...Read More...

Hi Amazon, forgive me if I am repeating myself, but I once called my T "my paid friend" that did not go over well- AT ALL. I was in a very bad place, It had nothing to do with him, but I made it all about him, my bad. Even when I couldn't yet see the forest through the trees, I apologized sincerely. this was one of those things that I regretted saying. He was hard on me- by saying that I hurt his heart. Sometimes I forget that he was not there for the things that caused my issues, and yet...Read More...

Oh dear Mayo, on the other hand I feel safe when the table separates me from him while the distance is now shorter. I feel like removing the table would leave me exposed and even closer to him so yeah, that is a scary thing to do. So I'm perfectly fine with the table. It is a small, nice table and let it beRead More...

AG I LOVE your posts, the longer the better! They are always full of such wisdom and insight and clarity that it is such a positive thing reading them. What can I say though? Well done you for what you are achieving, and for being able to keep on learning things that are helping you to feel better and better about yourself. Way to go! LamplighterRead More...

Thanks for the hug AG and starfish . It does help to know at MyShrink that I do not walk this journey alone, even though it sometimes feels like it. Though the pain of rejection exposed deeper issues, I am grieved that the relationship cannot be repaired because trust was broken. I am tempted to blame myself for the anger I expressed. I am guilty of scaring her away or resenting me for something I did or said. I don't know how to move past that right now. Thank you, starfish, for the words...Read More...

Thank you guys for your care and support. I’ve now started on the shitty hateful task of trying to find another T and am already hitting spinning-me-out crap. Will start another thread on that as I’m going to need a load of input from others to keep me sane and focused in this, it’s only been a couple of days and already I’m thinking that I’ve made a big mistake finishing with T. So it looks like I’ll be back to massive posts and circular thinking again soon. LOL be warned. True North what...Read More...

Hi Helle, Kashley, Lamplighter - thanks so much for the congrats, that was lovely. Helle, you are welcome to the words - very welcome!! Ooh look, here's another fresh chocolate cake.Read More...

Hey CT- Once I called my T- "my paid friend" Needless to say , that did not go over well, and I was so sorry tht I had said that.Read More...

Thanks for the update, Echo! I've been thinking about you & wondering how you're holding up. I'm glad to hear that the first instance of your paths crossing turned out to be okay. I hope so, too. Take care, SGRead More...

Jones, Thanks for explaining your analogy in greater detail. I understand it now! It wasn't clunky, I just didn't get it because a)I'm not a dancer and b)I would be the kind of follower that would correct the leader's step to keep myself from ending up falling over or ending up in that awkward position. But I see how that could be detrimental to the beginner leader, or even a seasoned leader if they were not really 'attuned' to their partner. I am glad you have a greater connection with your...Read More...

Thanks for asking Seablue! Sorry all, I didn't mean to pull a disappearing act. I'm actually feeling much better but the goodbye party for my co-worker was on Friday and my husband had his first day off in three weeks today so posting time and/or the energy to do so has been in short supply. When I wrote the original post in this thread I was really in a place of deep despair which I have not, thankfully stayed in. I think that I am in the midst of wrestling with letting go of so many of my...Read More...

Thanks Monte...your perspective helped me to be kinder to myself through all of this...and thanks smiley...wow..so you've been through the same thing!!! I too had isolated myself and to this day I continue to isolate...and my T knows this....I hope my T and I will talk about it for awhile...what kinds of things did you learn from it all(if you don't mind sharing...)...and again...Thank You, MLCRead More...

that's just really really nice. now you've got those words forever and you can look at them when you need to. I like having someone safe there when I cry too. I'm glad you have someone. take care - you are really precious and it's lovely to meet you.Read More...

Hi WLOH, Welcome to the boards. I lost a close friend to suicide a few years ago. I know others on here have been hurt by suicide too. It is a very particular and dreadful hurt. I'm so sorry. Glad you came here as part of your journey. Oh and I love what you say about that need to feel watched over. I have that need too, really strongly. To me it is the difference between being able to function in my life or not. I'd love to hear more about how it is for you. JonesRead More...

One day ata time, or one hour ata time, or one minute ata time if need be. Hang in there.Read More...