(((Jillann)))) So sorry for missing your reply to me. SBRead More...

Exploring, thank you for your advice, good thoughts and concern. Writing things down before sessions is a good idea, or journaling. I used to journal my thoughts and sometimes I gave it to T in sessions. I have also sent it to her in email. That was before this long rupture I had with her. Now I find it very difficult to write. I don´t know why I find it so hard. Maybe I have to push myself, just to write a little each day, maybe just one word, one sentence. Writing here and getting response...Read More...

She sounds cool! (and.... how brave you are to meet so many new people, as it is a big emotional investment to go through all the first sessions, and dare to speak and really give them a chance... *i am impressed*)Read More...

Damn it, I could not find time to answer properly yet, I keep getting from one "bad moment" to another. Anyway, just saying, if anyone wants to see the next "Therapy gallery" thing (from my blog):Read More...

Thanks Liese, it helps to hear other's situations. SBRead More...

I've been watching this thread and I SO hoped it could remain a civil and thoughtful discussion with both sides respecting the other side. Of course, I realized that this was not likely due to the nature of the topic. I apologize to those who are triggered and have suffered because of this discussion. I, personally, was abused (not sexually) and abandoned by my oldT so I know first hand the damage that it causes. I, too, developed PTSD on TOP of my already existing C-PTSD. I, too, had a...Read More...

Thanks guys. Interestingly, I discovered when I read your responses that I wanted someone to tell me to leave and never go back. She's away this week anyway so I have another week to think about it. It's the second counsellor I've tried since things came to an end with exT. I left the first in floods of tears after the initial session and decided she wasn't a good fit. I don't think I want therapy. I have some really important life decisions to make and so maybe I need a coach instead of a...Read More...

Just to say that I'm thinking of you. SBRead More...

((jill)) i'm so very sad and angry to hear this. maybe as a 2nd option an IOP will work. that helped me. i'm in a relapse right now… have been for a while, but it's not serious (symptomatic) 'enough'.Read More...

thank you for your replies, i dont feel like i deserve them... but it helps to know others understand and i'm not all alone with it (i dont know yet how much of this i can tell T) eme, you're probably right that it will end up hurting me more and she will just be puzzled or something... thank you for your kind words and saying to focus on me. lucy, thank you also for encouraging me not to miss my appointment. the fact that everyone said the same really helped me, and i think i will go. skype...Read More...

One thing that came to me while reading this is that it seems like you are actually discovering some of your gifts and how they help other people. While you still sometimes feel like you might be "too honest," at the same time you are seeing a little how your authenticity can be a gift to people and cause them to think in new ways and discover things about themselves. And it's the ability of Alice for example to be very specific that helped you take that in, but once you've taken it in you...Read More...

Thanks, guys. Losses cut- I never called him back, and he never called me either. He obviously doesn`t even have any qualms about me just disappearing. Glad I never told him abt my ED.Read More...

I just did! I'm really glad your appointments are going better for you. I look forward to hearing more and about what you decide to do. ps: please don't be concise. I'm rather fond of your lovely wordinessRead More...

yeah. the T suggested that I use the 4 weeks to learn how to open up faster... yikes. I've used the time to stop obsessively watching the clock for throwing me out time - which has helped. The clock is about a meter across in diameter and just 3 meters away on the wall. It's about a subtle as a real life elephant in the room...Read More...

I'm glad she cares and that you are feeling safe.Read More...

It is heart-warming to read this! Thank you for telling usRead More...

Hi Quell Good luck in your search. When I was looking for a new T (after being abandoned by oldT) I remember that I saw 3 T's in three days. It was a bit dizzying but it was also good. Then the following week I saw my current T and another T an hour apart from each other. They didn't know. It was at that point I was able to decide with great certainty to stay with my T. The positives and negatives were very obvious seeing them all so close together and that was helpful. I was also very clear...Read More...

TN, Thanks for responding. I am so very thankful for the liberal policy for outside contact. My T. would have it no other way for my attachment and trauma issues. I bet it took close to a year before I actually did start using contact by text, phone and email. I was terrified of it and sometimes still am. My fear comes from being convinced I'm not worthy of it, I will abuse it, I am bad, I'm intruding in T's life etc. However, it has helped me greatly!Read More...

(((quell))) (((lucy))) (((exploring))) I'm so glad you guys liked it I like the picture too because it makes me think of protecting the younger part of meRead More...

I am really happy to hear all of your responses, every one. I guess it has only been 24 hours, but I feel much better for now. I have appointments with a couple of aedp therapists this week, but there is a big concern about insurance, so I don't know what will happen. So far from the short conversations I have had on the phone, they seem to know what I am talking about in terms of what I think I need, which I told them was something a bit opposite of someone who does primarily psychoanalytic...Read More...

That sounds good about the emails. I hope you'll let us know how it goes. :-)Read More...

Thank you TN! Yes, the author/book you suggested has been very helpful, so thank you so much for that! What you wrote makes a lot of sense to me. My T does acknowledge the parts we all have inside of us. She was recently trained in IFS and started to use that model with me awhile ago. It made me so ashamed and I couldn't go there emotionally (my intellectual, critical self always stopped the process). I left feeling very ashamed and frustrated for many months, so we stopped doing that. But...Read More...

Those conflicting voices, Jillann... try having the conversation with yourself out loud. I think you'll be surprised how different it is. More hugs RTRead More...

Your words are really moving, BLT. Your poem really touched me. You write about pain and longing with such beauty.Read More...

Thank you all for being so understanding and supportive It is really hard for me to practice self care, and stop myself from going 100mph processing everything inside, and giving to others when there is nothing left inside me to give. I'm struggling to suppress everything that's bursting at the seams, but I know it has to wait awhile longer. I know I have to be strong enough, healthy enough physically to go back into the emotions. I'm really holding onto the idea lately of 're-parenting',...Read More...