Summer That's where the conflict of KNOWING and FEELING comes in. I KNOW she is trained to not judge me, but I FEEL like she just might. She says it is more than how she was trained, it is her true self and she treats people inside her office the same as she treats people outside her office. I just have to overcome that fear of thinking she may be judging me. She knows that she needs to keep telling me over and over that she is being truthful with me. I KNOW that, but do I FEEL it? PLRead More...

Hey JM- Yes, my T does allow me to express whatever I'm feeling- adult, little girl, puppy (?jk)... whatever. I make a lot of child-like comments to her (to everyone in general) and I don't really try to restrain them. I let a lot of it just come out. However, I'm not sure the really sensitive side of my little girl is okay with really expressing her disappointment to my T yet. I mean, I'm sad about it and have told my T how sad I am, but I think my little girl really just feels to rejection...Read More...

Thanks Russ, Wynne and LOS, your joy for me really means a lot! HB, I did NOT for a moment think you were talking about the phone call. I remembered your promise to me. Thank you for keeping it, never has an "I told you so" sounded so sweet!. AGRead More...

Thanks for the feedback SC It's interesting to know what appeals to other people. I do this purely for my own process and not specifically to sell. I'm sure if I were doing this to try to sell my artwork it would be much different. A bit of a funny little story about "push or pull." We were watching the summer Olympics when I was drawing that. The S.O. asked what I was drawing...I was pretty checked out so I kinda shrugged...shook my head and looked at the paper....and said..."Gymnasts?"...Read More...

i forgot to add that when he told me this i said, "well, i see you three times a week. isn't that equivalent to three years for, you know, a "normal" person who goes once a week? he said, "i don't think it works that way."Read More...

SD, I totally get this. Thank you for assuring me that I can have the confidence to know my reality better than anyone else no matter who they are. I know that instinctive feeling and I am lerning to trust it. I hate what that Psych did to you and that she went so far as she did. But it is good that you stuck with what you know is right for you.Thank you for sharing so much for me, I am really moved. JMRead More...

I am so sorry you are going through so much pain. I can deff relate to you This year is the first year I felt strong enough to go into therapy and actually work on my demons. My mom is very sweet...yet was never there for me emotionally and told me things she should never have. As a younger person she told me my dad wanted her to have an abortion when she was pregnant with me and that her dad wanted her to have one too. That stayed in me forever. I will never forget that remark. However I am...Read More...

Hey I just wanted to let you know I totally can relate. I feel powerless in my therapist's office. I want to tell her how I feel, but it is like I can't get it out. I think I just have a lot of trouble expressing myself and because my abuse happened pre verbal. I am like a child and she is powering over me. Anyways its quite normal to feel like you have no power or control. I think with time it will happen. If you trust your therapist and feel he is a good fit than I would stick with it and...Read More...

I used to call my therapist once between sessions. I felt I could get a lot more out on the phone than I could in sessions. Maybe because I wasn't trapped in a room with her staring at me. Anyways I always want to talk to her and I worry if I call her too much or at all I will get too dependent on her. Its very hard for me to call. I also wander if not calling her is hurting me more, because I am left sitting there feeling I am stuck in those bad emotions until the next session. I wish we...Read More...

((((((((HB))))))))))) I'm glad that you and your T were able to make that connection so deeply and take the time to look back and honor when you arrived at an ending. I had my T of 17 years retire and I know what a bittersweet experience it is. To recognize all your progress and the role you both played in it and how much the relationship meant to both of you is to rejoice in what you had together. But it is sad, and sometimes painful, to have to say goodbye. I want to encourage you that I...Read More...

CT, I totally relate. I think saying "no" is a difficulty for anyone who didn't have healthy boundaries. Two things have really helped me in this area. In working through our marital problems both my husband and I have had to learn to say no. The weird thing is that as we have both learned to say no, the other had actually been happier. I was having trouble understanding why, until my T told me no on several major issues (hugs & a set appointment). I experienced something really...Read More...

Hey JM I don't even know if what I experienced the other night was a true flashback- my T said that is "probably an appropriate term for it," whatever that means! Thanks for the words of advice, and for your offer of support through them... if I keep having them. My T did say that if I can lessen some of my external stressors, it might help me not to get to that point in the future (the preceeding two weeks were very very very anxiety/fear ridden). Either way, if it happens again or not, I...Read More...

CT, Thanks so much for your response. Your ideas make all sorts of sense, especially the notion that I might have thought that our inability to connect was indicative of something being wrong with me. This is part of the low self-esteem I've had my entire life, and I'm sure it was at work to some degree in this instance. Exactly. There are tiny moments that, when I think about them, evoke really strong emotions. It could be the way my mom said something, the inflection in her voice where I...Read More...

FYI SD (and anyone else interested), there are some used copies of In Session at Amazon.com right now for about $12.00 and up. I paid $30 with shipping so it's a pretty good price! -CTRead More...

Hi Summer, I just wanted to point you towards an old post of mine that was a epiphany one day while I was struggling with why the boundaries in therapy are what they are. Hope this helps. Boundaries, I finally think I get 'em! AGRead More...

AG First of all, thanks for all the great information you have given us. It gives me so much to think about, and a different perspective of what I need vs. what I want from my T. Of course I want that to be the same thing, but I realize that is not healthy or possible. The other thing is something that I am having a hard time coming to terms with in my mind. I know that my mom had so much good flowing from her, and because of being adopted, I am so grateful for the life she gave me. And I...Read More...

yes, this one has always gotten me into trouble. firstly by wanting to hand responsibility for my wellbeing over to others altogether (usually boyfriends and you can probably imagine the desasters ...), but at the same time not accepting any real help/love from others at all. isn't that such a paradox??? so i'm working on taking care of myself whilst also accepting the care of others 'cause i ain't superwoman (tho i would like to be, independent, neending nobody .... ahh would life be...Read More...

Jo, I know sometimes that things seem tough and the burdens seem heavy but you will get through this. I know we can't be there "in person" for you but we are here to listen and support you through this difficult time. We like having you here with us in this group so please keep posting and sharing. Let us know how you are doing. I'm sorry that you now have identity theft to deal with. Just take things one step at a time. Do you have any family support? I know it can be difficult to ask for...Read More...

I don't have much time to chat right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you today Jo. I hope your appointment is what you need for it to be. I look forward to reading about it when you feel like posting. Sending good thoughts and strength your way, -CTRead More...

When I was going to therapy many years ago I saw my therapist in my apartment complex. I was living in a pretty big city at the time, so it wasn't AT ALL expected. It turned out she lived there, in the same apartment complex as me. Our mailboxes were in the same spot. That was waaaay awkward for me, and I always made my roommate get the mail from then on. And it seemed every time I left my apartment, I was on the lookout to make sure she wasn't walking to her car. Now, I see my son's former...Read More...

Hi Incognito- I'm glad that you survived through your session! I have to say that you seem to have made an amazing breakthrough with your T. I want to reiterate what everyone else has said just because it is true and worth saying a million times until you believe it: You were a child. It was in no way your choice or your fault. Your body reacted the way your body is made to react and there is no shame in that. In addition, I wanted to take a sec to comment on the paternal transference aspect...Read More...

Many thanks to ya'll for the well-wishes; I appreciate. I'm practically excited, too - though I know I'm looking down at the road at some serious pain and discomfort. As you said. Thanks.Read More...

I have been told this all my life by all sorts of people. It feels like they are telling me to grow 2" taller and erase all of my freckles so that I will then be able to "fit in." This is just who you are, and if you had been nurtured and protected properly while growing up your sensitivity and passion would feel like incredible assets that would draw others to you not shameful flaws that need to be hidden. I hate being sensitive and intense, it hurts most of the time and can be really...Read More...

I bet that meant a lot to him that you told him that. I am sort of moving closer to my new T now. I have told her some new things that I thought she'd judge but she was actually sympathetic. I opened this thread because I feel so scared today. I don't know what it is either. Perhaps an emotional flashback? It's intense. Trying to keep my heart from racing. It's so miserable.Read More...