You are wise! I didn't realize it until I did look her up! It was a strange alienating feeling, like "oh yeah she has this whole other life I don't know about or have anything to do with." Then I felt like a spy or something. It helped that she told me to google her so now I feel a little less guilty. I did tell her that I already knew about that. lol PL Yeah you shoulda seen my face. I swear I didn't even have to tell her that I already googled her. My red cheeks were a dead give away! (I...Read More...

Hi again, Okay you guys are just so nice. I was afraid to look in here again. I even squinted my eyes while I opened it up. Thanks for your encouragement and kindness. This is an extraordinary group of people here. So gentle. Emerald, I didn't know you were new too but I see that now. I would like to know you better too. JM you are just the sweetest person. I am so grateful you are here. You are far from an idiot too! Same to you AG so helpful and always there to reassure. Your honesty and...Read More...

I think I learned to trust my T a little bit at a time. I tested him over and over again and he always passed my tests. I would venture further and further with him and it always turned out well. But even then I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop... for something he would do that would send me running from him. I expected the worst and got...well I got the very best I've ever had in my life. You see it was not that I didn't trust him it was just that I could never trust anyone...Read More...

Wynne, I always love your questions and I get why it would be a little confusing. When I was a kid, I had a LOT to be angry about but I wasn't able to express it, so it kept getting shoved down and pushed away. But more anger kept coming because the abuse was long term so in sense the pressure kept building. And kids' rage tends to be pretty murderous even under the best of circumstances. Part of what we're supposed to be taught is how to handle our anger, channel it responsibly and find...Read More...

AG - I'm so happy to hear he hung up your cross stitch and the very nice comments! That has to be a very nice feeling. River - I also think it's great your T "forgot" about returning the scarf. I've never given any T a gift, probably because I'm to afraid of the feelings that would come before and after. I did give my son's T a gift last year but that was before I was really talking to her and so there was no real stress involved (except the usual which one do I pick/I hope she likes it that...Read More...

Laundry's not a good gauge for my family because it's always behind! But I will tell you that I can gauge my progress in therapy based on how much I can get done. My husband and I used to fight about housework and the state of our home constantly (Full disclosure: I'm domestically challenged. OK, full full disclosure, my mother kept an impossibly immaculate house, so if the place is really clean, I worry about what's really going on. So if I ever come to visit HB could you do me a favor and...Read More...

You're right, JM. I was complaining that he wasn't encouraging enough. Thanks again, everyone. You guys are the best. RussRead More...

HB, That is wonderful. To give yourself permission to know about and access your resources. I often think that the damage we underwent clips our wings. We are meant to soar, yet we end of plodding along staring at the ground or even worse trapped in a dark cell. You sound like someone repaired your wings and you've taken flight. And it will only grow stronger. Thank you for sharing that with us. AGRead More...

I have been reading this thread over and over I am sure as we all do from time to time, reading someone else's words and the way they feel about themselves and go "Uh, did I write that? How did they express what I've been feeling my entire life? How did they know?" For example: "Everything I do is wrong." "I can't even breathe right!" and as my T hears from me on a regular basis "There is something wrong with me." HB this statement particularly floored me: So often I feel that everyone else...Read More...

(((HB))) thank you for your post to my thread. I relate so much to your feelings. I once described my wrong feeling as "I'm not a real person". They didn't get it but I suspect you might. I look real but inside I'm not like everybody else. I appreciate you trying to explain observing yourself and how it feels for you. I am impressed you were able to feel and observe the fear in yourself and that you got "I can". I am so glad for you that your next session was easier (or more talkative). It...Read More...

PL that was a very courageous and big step you took today to read her what you had written instead of mailing it. Not only that, but you wrote about your feelings for her! I am so glad your words were met with such total acceptance and peace. I have had that feeling with my T that you now feel. I hope yours stays with you for a really long time. I think when our T's are honest and genuine with us is when we feel the connection most and we take that away with us when we leave them. Your T was...Read More...

Wynne, The Simarillion always make me think of The Music of the Ainur through which creation was accomplished. Especially since the discords introduced by evil are eventually resolved. The promise that in the end good will triumph over evil. So I'm good with the Simarillion. (OK, confession time, I have a first edition copy. But again, I must emphasize, I don't speak elvish, either Quenyan or Sindarin. ) AGRead More...

HB, I'm accepting the apology back but only because you're being firm. And you were braver than brave.Read More...

AG, I'm really sorry for what you've been going through. But it's gotta be pretty great, through all that pain, to be able to feel like you've got a bedrock of self that isn't going to go away no matter how bad it gets. I've been hiding a bit, too. Not even reading. S'nice to feel like I can handle coming back.Read More...

OW, That is a good feeling to be able to do that isn't it? It shows a deep contentment that you are able to have within yourself and that is something that is yours to hold onto forever. Sometimes it will feel crowded out by other emotions, but I think that becomes more temporary and the contentment along with positive beliefs become more of a solid base. JMRead More...

That's a very good point JM. I never felt bad calling my doctor after hours when I was pregnant, or calling the pediatrician, so why is this any different? And when I think about it, I really don't look at my own job as a 9-5. I think about it after hours and I do work after hours too and I don't feel annoyed, in fact sometimes it makes me feel good to put forth the extra effort when it was really needed. So if I do that in my job, which is not nearly as critical as a therapist's job, I can...Read More...

Hi Kats - just wanted to check in this morning and let you know I'm thinking of you and hoping your session goes well today. OWRead More...

thanks for the replies. I think that boundaries change from therapist to therapist and also from the types of therapy that you do.Read More...

Scott, I'm always afraid I say something stupid that lacks understanding of your circumstances when I reply, but that makes sense to me that you tried to be everything you feel your father wanted you to be; even male. I am only recently disclosing some feelings in therapy that I have experienced my whole life and I don't know much about what it all means, but I also created a "male counter-part" to help me cope and to "feel more loved." I'm just now trying to understand this and I have no...Read More...

AG, what happens to me in this same situation with my father is that I seem to revert back to a scared, voiceless 6 year old...like literally. It's an awful feeling and I'm not sure what to make of it, but that's where my T tells me that becoming my own person requires being assertive in the face of those who make us feel otherwise. No surprise that it's almost always our parents. Great post. RussRead More...

Hi all, thanks for your support. My christmas eve night went as well as possible. I'm looking forward to spending tomorrow morning and afternoon with just my husband and kids before my big family dinner. I hope everyone is enjoying what they can over the holidays.Read More...

We just started university again also (after being home with kids for 14 years!) One thing that helps in feeling grounded is to take a break: go for a walk alone at lunch time, find a quiet coffee shop if it's too cold/wet to walk, taking time off of homework/schoolwork, being organized regarding assignments. Spending time in a hobby also helps balance things. AntoniRead More...

River - That is awesome. Your warm peaceful feelings are permeating through the computer. You made me feel very warm and cozy. Since I should be seeing my T today, but am not, I think I'll just curl up in a corner with the book she gave me to read. I may read some of it, or I may just hug it and think of her. Thanks for sharing your wonderful story. PLRead More...

My parents are deceased so the only "home" I'm going to is my own. I am blessed with a wonderful child and a husband who pitches in with the holiday stuff. My sister is coming with her son and husband so we will be six. They will stay 2 days. We don't see my husband's family because they all live in Italy. I'm missing my T a lot right now. I will hopefully see him in seven days. I just have to get through Christmas. Incognito... good luck at your session tomorrow and let us know how it goes.Read More...

Robin, That is SO awesome! Thanks for letting us know, and I hope you thoroughly enjoy your miracle. Man, I'm going to be grinning for hours, you give me hope! AGRead More...