Okay... well we are in for another huge snowstorm. I feel like I live in Siberia. We still have piles of snow from last week. Of course it's also coming on my therapy day. But this time I got a sweet text from T asking me if I'd like to move my session to Friday if we have the predicted snow tomorrow. Of course I said yes. So it's booked and I don't have to be anxious tonight and tomorrow morning wondering what to do and trying to get to see T. He takes care of me really well and that a...Read More...

Dear Liese, I appreciate your posts so much, thx for sharing. I would be really interested how you started to feel and experiance shame in theraphy. I started my weekly sessions about 5 month ago and I resonated with this. I think I have a lot of shame issues but Im still wearing that coat which allows me to hide. In fact my therapist says I play hide and seek with her which I felt really true. The little me is still hiding from her though there is nothing I wanted more that she comes...Read More...

Sounds like a dissociative episode - good that you called though and feel calmed. Hope you can have a gentle day todayRead More...

(((anna))) Not sure that I can say anything helpful but I hope things feel safer and better for you soon. SBRead More...

Your T really seems to go above and beyond, and I'm glad he came through. You must be relieved but what an ordeal to have gone through in the meantime. Its such a roller coaster ride. Having had similar experiences with the ups and downs of therapy, I just wondered what makes you persevere? Your trust and hope in your T or something else? Do you ever get charged for his extra time in texting or talking? For me, depending on how I'm feeling, if I'm feeling otherwise secure in my life,...Read More...

TAS, you really are such a fighter. I love that. I admire your struggle so much. All of this is so hard but I think all of us here know we have to push on. You are doing a great job, stick with it.Read More...

Oh, dear, dear Draggers, thank you so much! I have so missed you, but have tried to keep up. I have prayed for you, and missed your sweetness. I have looked into a new T, we have played phone tag the last two days and hopefully will connect soon. I did see old T today, it was difficult, way too, formal, business like. She did hug me at the end of our meeting. She never raised her voice, but was a bit stern at times. I think, maybe it's just me, just that I'm a huge fuck up and she has been...Read More...

Thank you so much for these responses! TheShins, I loved (there's that word) the link you included and your explanation of it--how it doesn't diminish the feeling itself, love in a therapeutic relationship, I mean, but acknowledges it as its own entity, sort of. Very helpful. Liese, your addition was perfect. An unselfish component, in which what is best for the beloved is desired above personal benefit, is a hallmark of mature love--and I had not thought to in luxe that. I really like that.Read More...

Thank you all so much for the responses. I am feeling better today, maybe because I can finally see my T in a few hours to talk about it. Mallard... yes I think it was partly the element of surprise that made it seem worse and it was intrusive. Plus I was already anxious due to our extreme weather. Thanks for your support. Hi Summer... it was routine, introducing me to "my" health advisor team so I know it did not have anything to do with my recent health issues. This is a brand new plan for...Read More...

Hi all , I am still hurting by these words. I just dont understand why my T did say this, I did not go to work that day , can it be he got angry to me because of that ?Read More...

Re: Taking a breakRead More...

Hi Exploring, the old-T did have some problems 'containing' the therapy. This new T... I don't know... I loose a sense of myself and of any feelings - but when I finally realise that, she doesn't see it as a problem. I have said that it is a problem to me and that I don't want to do anything that makes me MORE spaced-out and detached from feeling anything. She said she 'felt bad putting me out' at the end of the session - but still does so. She said she'd give me a 10 minute warning that...Read More...

(((TN))) I hope today's session is better and you can make some progress with your T. thinking of youRead More...

Thank you for your responses and support! I appreciate it, and it makes me feel happy to think that others might be able to get something out of my thoughts and experiences--makes the hard parts mean something, you know? Outsider, good to meet you! It was an intense session. It's funny about therapy--it's healing when I let it be. Sometimes I go and sit in the room and unintentionally concentrate all session on keeping her (my T) out. When I don't do that, though, I am able to experience her...Read More...

Hi Becca, the technique is called externalisation or externalising the problem and if your T isn't so familiar then some of the writings of Michael White might be useful for both of you. And David Elston. I do know how crippling anger can be and seemed to spend much of my late 20s and very early 30s trapped by towering levels of anger and rage. It exhausting so I really feel for what you are going through.Read More...

(((TN))) (((Liese))) I couldn't leave this up. Sorry. I am not doing well, even though my T is amazing right now. Sorry.Read More...

Skylynx, I think that's brilliant. Desensitization conducted in your therapy by you--! If and when you get to a point where you can be frank with your T, it might be fun to explain about how you were able to start using those words.Read More...

((Mallard)) I'm so sorry you can relate to this. It's so painful. I really relate to your words too. I like the image of guzzling down care, which is how I feel in therapy sometimes. Like I'm being manipulative and "guzzling" too much care from my T...leaving her empty or something. But it does sound like your T has been there for you too...and I'm glad you feel like you're getting there, even if it is very slow going! ((S-B)) Your secret is safe with me Maybe you'll get there one day, and...Read More...

Liese, thank you! That means a lot to me. I worry sometimes about whether I am communicating effectively--I'm glad to know you have appreciated my thoughts and this thread. Have to go, but :-DRead More...

This is a major point and likely to be one of the biggest stumbling blocks in your path. When healing from an attachment injury or trying to reach a secure attachment status, the healing is ALL about the relationship. That is where the focus should be and even when the focus moves to other areas the relationship stuff is always humming in the background. Having a therapist be your attachment figure allows the opportunity to examine the relationship live as it plays out. You should feel free...Read More...

Funny enough, even though I struggle with the realness of my relationship with T...or more the muddiness of the professional/personal dynamics...I actually defend against him disclosing too much to me. My T is very real and discloses a lot by nature, so I know a bit about his family and his role in his church. I usually know when he takes time off what he will be doing (in general) during that time. Sometimes knowing too much makes me anxious, like I've invaded his life somehow. I think if...Read More...

yesyesandYES! and I've gotten "well, better you than me". Two of my children are adopted and I've even been told I should give them back because they are 'too much' for me. Breaks my heart - no, it shatters my heart. Into a gazillion pieces. I tell myself if that's how they truly feel - then yeah - I'm glad they weren't blessed with special children. But it still hurts.Read More...

Athenacus, your post was so interesting and rich in detail! Thank you for your generosity in sharing your thoughts and experiences. I would have been a bit baffled by the vacation spot description, too. It would be one thing if she had introduced it as a relaxation exercise and asked if you wanted to imagine it--even so, I think it would have been better if she had kept that it had been HER vacation spot to herself. I totally relate to the slipping into therapist mode! I have been trying to...Read More...

Sorry late getting back... I'm trying to keep myself stitched together at the seams right now I had an interaction with a family member that triggered me to no end, and I've come smack into admitting that all the stress of the past few months has caused some ED behaviors to resurface big time I kept telling myself I had it under control, but I guess I'm in the quicksand after all, and have to get my act together before ALL the progress I'd made is gone. *sigh* well, as the thread says...Read More...

((AH)) Thank you. It is actually more the process that is tough. I just got to the point where I can only afford one financially and mentally. Beliefs about certain things matter to me, and I am more matched with new T that way. Old t's "aloofness" lately made the decision easier. He has higher paying clients, so Im sure it does not really matter to him. New T has taken me at where I am at instead of insisting I be where he wants me to be. I need that. I hope old T is not too upset. He did...Read More...