I too can get so frustrated and sad about not being able to really feel good in a direct sense of the word, let alone feel love from people. I’ll explain: while I’m an expert at feeling bad, feeling good doesn’t come to me without a conscious effort. It’s like walking along the beach at sunset, hand in hand with a loved one. I’ll go “oh, there’s a beautiful sunset, and the sand is warm under my feet, and the sound f the sea is soothing, and holding hands is nice, and, and, and…” and only...Read More...

***UPDATE**** So I did go see the new T yesterday. It was odd but ultimately it went well. First I did talk to the T in my dbt group and she was so nice. She is the consultation group with the T who dumped me. She basically told me that they don't judge her but that she failed me as a therapist. I guess that's how it is seen when it doesn't work out in dbt therapy. They don't see it as the clients fault but rather as the therapists fault. She said that Nancy told them that it was too close...Read More...

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BIM, My ending was a fairy tale ending (one that I like to believe came after the harrowing quest part of the story ) because it was an ending I choose. My T and I also spent a lot of time prior to my ending dealing with and allow me to process the things evoked by planning on leaving. And there were things I did not learn until after I left. But my first T retired before we were done our work together. I had once disappeared on her without a word earlier in our work and had promised both...Read More...

Tygr If I were there I would give you a big hug. I know about feeling misunderstood because your feelings are intense. What time is is there? Are you gonna be okay lying in bed? I know I do that too sometimes when I am feeling bad. Just so it doesn't make things worse for you. I can see where it would be sad to leave a house even if you haven't lived in it for 3 years. The places we live always hold memories.Read More...

Oh I forgot, Hollow and Mallard, Yeah I know scary thought huh??? My relationship with myself is the most rocky one I know so working with a T on me is also very rocky. UghRead More...

Hi HIC...oh, I so hope you continue! It's an outlet I didn't expect to have and I've learned so much from what I've drawn. When I get the urge to draw, it's because I see an image in my mind. But sometimes when I go to put medium to paper, it can turn totally different. I'll even make note of that fact on the back, should it happen that way. Then, I question why I used a certain colours or why I drew curves and circles instead of straight lines or boxes. What do these shapes represent to you...Read More...

I hope all goes well for you, Jillann. I live in my head also and have a CSA thing in my background as well. I have a hard time with anger too! All this stuff worries me because I'm trying to figure out all of this stuff out myself as a client, yet I'm going to be counseling others.Read More...

Thanks AG!Read More...

((((RT)))) i get you. you make more sense than you sometimes think you do. you're all right mallard, by all means share the info if you stumble on it again. TAS has also confused SomeDays and CD for the very same reason! LOL! it's all cool and i'm feeling better, was just going through a crap time, so no worries. hey, btw, i'm glad you're here, tooRead More...

*nods to RT* In some ways it's like being re-traumatised and it builds and builds doesn't it? These patterns of ours can self-reinforce. Believe it or not some of the biggest crazy that comes out with me is when I am faced with writing essays. I turn into a massive, triggered, snot-ridden crying mess over the thought of turning in a piece of work. You could put me in front of a room of people and tell me to wing a presentation and I would. One teeny, tiny essay has the power to have me...Read More...

seems like that was a powerful experience. I love that that happened for you and that you decided to share! ((TAS)) A couple weeks ago, I was leaving the T I do EMDR with and her next client was in her waiting room...which is tiny (her office is in her house). This is the first time I've seen any of her clients because I think she usually ends earlier than she did. But I'm a temporary client and don't know her regular flow/schedule/whatever. When I left, this woman gave me such a comforting...Read More...

Cat. I'm sorry you are going through this... You do body work? I always wondered about that.. is it another T you go to?Read More...

i don't often remember my dreams, but when i do, and particularly when they are dreams with T in them, i talk to him about them and he'll ask me what i think they're about and often-times i haven't a clue, but the interpretations i get from him, i believe, are spot on. and although his interpretations aren't necessarily immediately helpful, they do inspire me to ponder the meanings more thoroughly. i find dream-analysis both fascinating and helpful, and i appreciate the thought that T gives...Read More...

I used to have that same issue too, About. It was hard for me to feel things in session, but I would feel them after. I don't think that's containment though. It's more like suppression. Containment is when you can feel your feelings but it feels safe and not too overwhelming to feel them.Read More...

I don't like it when T uses the words Brave ProudRead More...

Thank you so much Muff, TN, and Liese for your loving encouragement and support. Besides the grief I shared about, Liese hit the nail on the head that a natural part of the loss I am feeling right now is seeing the whole impermanence of significant family relationships. I lost my MIL last summer and loved her very much. She was a good mother to me and it was so incredibly painful to watch her life fall apart one thread at a time in the end (she was 87). Despite that she had begun to...Read More...

There was a quote by Sigmund Freud that I read a while back that resonated with this topic: "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection". I gave that to my T in a card for father's day. TNRead More...

Well, you ARE special, Seedling. I just don't know that it's the reason for her wanting to tape sessions.Read More...

Wow, that is a good question. AG's answer was a good one, but unfortunately I have not been good at reining myself in when it comes to jumping to conclusions prematurely and sprinting away with them as if my interpretations were written in the Bible. It has been a long process trying to train myself to even recognize when I am doing it, and learning to withhold judgments despite my insecurities and tendency toward fight/flight all the time. What I have learned is that I cannot trust my...Read More...

I am not a huge fan of parental analogy in relation to a therapist because I think it helps give the therapist more power than they actually do and certainly more than they should believe they have. Clients are most assuredly not children and the therapist does not get to act like a parent towards a client, but if one wants to consider them in that sort of position, then another way of looking at it is how children run to the parent and then away from the parent and then look back to make...Read More...

Hey guys Thank you for replying I wish healing was in a straight line...just doesn't work that way, does it? I, as well as others, can relate to placing so much pressure on ourselves to just get it done. To say we are all better and move on. I hope Therapists realize we don't want to be a part of their schedule any longer than we truly have to be. All the best, T.Read More...

Smilingpenquin, I love your description: When I was pretty ill, I kind of figured it didn't matter. I felt like I was a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic anyway, so fessing up to some of the more extreme thoughts was less of an issue. Now I am a bit more functional I find it intensely annoying how I can find myself filtering, even to a person who is 1. bound by confidentiality so cannot spread word of my 'looney tunes' status to the world and 2. trained to hold to a non-judgemental...Read More...

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in struggling with this. (((AV))) Thank you for sharing some ideas - the thought of visualising what I think I want is difficult. There is something painful about seeing what I want - or maybe it is more about it being painful to connect with the feelings of longing and wanting... I'm sorry you struggle with this too - if I arrive at any insights, I'll let you know! Thanks, BLT - I think I've realised that it is one of my reasons for being in...Read More...

Yes send it. I like your topics, could not hate you!Read More...