Rebuilding me and Mallard, thanks for commenting - i am sorry you guys are the same, but it feels comforting knowing that i am not the only one. I talked about this with my T today. Yes she calls me on a weekend - I feel incredibly guilty and that it is "breaking rules" - but she does it every single saturday to keep the connection and to keep me safe.... So i was telling her of this struggle that I have and she listens and kind of laughs (in a supportive way not a mocking way) and I realise...Read More...

Hi TN, I understand your point completly. I feel personaly that I am not qualified to advise others and I can't imagine that anyone would want to read about my problems. I think this is due to my extreme lack of confidence. I will try chip in more often as I have gained such a lot from reading here.Read More...

I am the opposite. I cancelled next week and my T is not accepting it and is encouraging me to go to the sessions. She is keeping them open for me to change my mind. This annoys me as much as Tas' T won't let her reschedule. My T is correct from a therapy viewpoint to do this as she is right in that I am pushing her away as I am going through some bad stuff and that me not attending would be detrimental to me. I just have to get to that level of acceptance and trust that she knows best. I am...Read More...

(((Ang)))! hi! i hope you're doing well! it's nice to see an "old" face on here emerge. i hope you're doing well. good for you for continuing to go in spite of uncomfortableness ... it's hard but i think that's the work. i'm glad to see you prowling around still, and i hope to see more of you! (((Mallard))) i know it's not easy being new, and there really is a fine line. i think you're doing well, though. you have alot of good insight, but you're not off the deep end, either. good balance.Read More...

Re: Update on Former T...Read More...

For about fourteen months I was angry with my counsellor. Outside of my session I was constantly cursing her and in turn it caused erotic fantasies! I had painfully written down my problem/actions and feebly attempted to discuss it with her after many months, my counsellor ‘normalised my actions’ and moved on, she shut me down. I’ll not broach that subject with her again and I am positive she’ll never broach it with me but it’s still a problem for me. She doesn’t like me (I know because I...Read More...

Melba Thank you for your reply...I can relate to the 'buried deeply' part. I know it takes time, but I hope I am able to do the same as you have done. All the best. TN: Thank you What you said about hiding...maybe she is in hiding due to the fall out. I am glad you have such a great rapport with your T. I think it is wonderful. Truly. All the best. T.Read More...

I talked to the County Attorney. I still have time...Read More...

It doesn't sound insane at all, BLT. Why not sound her out and see what she thinks?Read More...

((TN)) thank you for the belated birthday wishes. Sounds like you got a tremendous gift with old T (a hug) and one I suspect I can only dream about. ((AG)) thank you, i'm glad our paths have crossed too your blog led me here so thank you for opening me to the wonderful world and group at psychcafeRead More...

*nods* showing vulnerability is a massive thing for me also. Despite rationally 'getting' that my T is a safe person, all my protective stuff screams at me on a regular basis that to show vulnerability means handing someone a weapon with which they can hurt me - and why would I be stupid enough to do that?! She has said that being in T with me has been like being very subtly tested. When I heard that I was, like, OMG I've been rumbled. Run, Run! Because it was absolutely true. I had been...Read More...

In Transition, I like what you wrote. I think I should write that down and read it over and over each day.Read More...

Hey anon, Sorry it's taken me a little while to get back with you. I've taken Unisom nightly for weeks at a time, not specifically for sleep but actually "off label" to help control hyperemesis during pregancy-- with my dr.'s full knowledge and approval, of course. Apparently it's pretty widely used that way. Anyway, it has to be pretty safe if they let you use it when pregnant. She also told me you can't get addicted to it. First time I took it it *really* knocked me out. I think I slept...Read More...

T's opinion is its better I don't because he is hard to catch and so am I. That our mutual busy lives would actually piss me off more. I also suspect i'm using this as a way of avoiding brutal hurt and savage grief I simply don't want to faceRead More...

Quell: That is profound insight. So true. T.Read More...

thanks Cat, Melba everyone I can see it from all angles, except maybe his. I usually get myself in a caretaking position or as he says rescuer and it bugs me that I cant be that for him. 1 of the 2 relationships, I have where I can't be that! bugs me I guess...I wound up being my former bad ts rescuer.. Cat it went ok was emotional and I admitted some things in an email and added a session. I just don't know if I can tell him this, because I know I cant be.. I just don't want to hear the ...Read More...

really interesting topic, Liese! I think for me (my T is a female my mother's age and I'm a straight female) ...I don't really think about being seductive or sexual with my clothing. That could also be because I tend not to be overly seductive/tight/revealing clothing, so I don't have any of that to wear in the first place. But I am cognizant and sometimes hyper-aware of my clothing and appearance when I go to therapy. I like to look nice (but not dressy/formal)...like if I buy anything new,...Read More...

Thanks for the support and comments everyone.Read More...

Hello dear people Thanks for your support, so I did call the clinic and he is not working until next week , so I sent him e-mail on Friday, and he did reply straight away, I said what about a session and I was just also make a contact . So I see him next week, thank allRead More...

Hi everyone, Thanks for your responses. I am not questioning whether my T cares about me or wants to see me. I know that he does. I guess I was wondering how this then translates to the real world because I know it's supposed to? He puts up with my stuff because it is his job. People in the real world don't have to. If I were to offend them or hurt them they could just stop being my friend or whatever but T won't. Cat: I agree that this is like a parent/child relationship in that we...Read More...

((((GREENEYES)))) It makes sense that as we integrate more, the more we feel. I can see a huge progression from when you first started to post to now. It's like you were blocking the feelings before and now you are letting them in. It's such tough work. You are in good hands. Your T sounds very special.Read More...

Hi (((Liese))) and thanks for the words. T and I had a hard, but very helpful conversation about what transpired. Basically, I learned, once again, that T is human and fallible. I think that's one of my favorite thing about T - the humanness that T shows on a fairly regular basis. I've had Ts in the past that do email and/or texting. I've had Ts in the past that don't disclose at all. I've had Ts that hug, that hold my hand, that have held me when I cried. I've had Ts that overshare. I've...Read More...

I think reiki is a good idea. I think seeing the therapist's sister is not a good idea unless she was the only reiki person within a large radius that you could see. I would not tell the therapist about anyone else I see as I would not believe it was any of the therapist's business who else I saw and in what capacity I saw them.Read More...

Thanks everyone for all your comments. Sorry I didn't mean to drop this thread but wanted to talk to T more to clarify. One thi g she said is that she doesn't like to diagnose anyone w/ DID even if they have it bec it carries such a stigma to it. She would call it PTSD before DID. She also says she doesn't feel comfortable handing out diagnosis's bec we try to stick w/ a treatment plan, which can change as things come up. Now I have to say this female T is working very closely to my other...Read More...

Goodness ugh!Read More...