((cogs)) it may still be possible. I think needing touch to facilitate emotional expression can be tricky (like your T would need to touch you every session for emotional release to occur? Since, I guess... maybe to be emotionally free with yourself there needs to be a way to 'get things out' w/o others? Heck if I know.... maybe that is the reservation? I have access to ask for touch pretty freely - but with that I have to track where I'm at. Sometimes it's too activating or too calming...Read More...

I think this is right, muff. I fear it is! I don't want to go through another episode like this last one, but so far, transference has been the only way I've accessed feelings from the past in session. I think it's going to be a long trip. RabbitEarsRead More...

((Outsider)) ((hopeful)) Yea... trust for so long felt like the "holy grail" now that I've gotten there (closer to there, anyway)... the search is not done.Read More...

((((RT))) I go in motion: walking, weeding, etc. I wish I had a punching bag; I would use it after almost every session. I have also been known to go for ice cream or alcohol. Not the healthiest of coping techniques. Reaching out here is both healthy and brave. Writing (for yourself or to others) can help sort out all the feelings; forcing them out of your mind and onto paper sometimes brings relief. I'm sorry, RT. It feels like a long fight sometimes. Feelings change though, and they can...Read More...

Hi Hollow! So glad to see you came over and hope you get the support you need! And thank you for supporting me. AGRead More...

It is not always the client who is wrong. Therapists are not always correct. Mostly they just guess and hope and sometimes it helps. They can get vindictive and cruel just like anyone else when they feel frustrated. The important thing to me is that a client be able to see it and not let the therapist have the upper hand.Read More...

(((hollow))) I do think you have some good advice here that I can't add much too unfortunately but wanted to send some and a welcome. Transference can be so hard... I didn't have to admit any transference early on... if she didn't know by the first session I had angry reactions to being "close" she definitely knew by the second. I wear my transference on my sleeve! It sucks!!! Other feelings are much easier to hold in (like attraction, people can't necessarily see or hear it right away) but...Read More...

(((Draggers))) Thank you, I needed to read this right now. I am having the weirdly mixed reaction of "how can I be here again?!?" with "oh that's a relief, I have been through this in the past and gotten through it."Read More...

My problem is that since I have a background in counseling (am one myself) I have always been trying to understand what he`s doing in our work- so I read, look at literature, etc. Sometimes, I think he`s clueless, but every once in a while, I see that he knows what he`s been doing all along. I want him to give me some credit for the fact that I am more tuned in to the process than most. It just burns me that he now apparently thinks I`m coming on to him or something and is pulling away. I...Read More...

Struth, I just read the reply's. There was nothing in them except support. A tech hitch? Oopsa: Its a double up!Read More...

Thank you. I think the drive to repeat is so strong. Have to keep in mind 'it's already happened'.Read More...

Thank you puppet Therapy should come with a guidebook. At least we would have some idea of what to expect... Thank you for replying and I hope you are doing well in your personal journey. T.Read More...

It seems this cyber family is one we have all needed.Read More...

Hi ((BG)) Ah yes; the healthy or unhealthy 'me' thoughts! I suppose in a nutshell, the difference between two is whether I'm thinking about my therapy or thinking about my therapist!! Am I thinking or doing something that is helpful and healing to me, or am I thinking or dwelling on something I have no control over and hence unhelpful. An example of past unhealthy me thinking would be this. T has a very active pinterest page, literally thousands of pins on there; and I would be constantly...Read More...

i'm the same, too, Crootie. i wish i had answers for you but i don't. we're learning together. TN's got some awesome suggestions above, maybe you can start with those? gentle hugs, and i hope your session goes well.Read More...

Hi Jillian, That happens to be when the AD's first start kicking in. Although I can really tell a big difference and I know they are working, I still get ups and downs until about after a month or two of being on them. Thinking of you,Read More...

Hi, Liese. Thanks again for your perspective on this. Your words match my experience very closely(though my T is female and a mother figure for me). For me, the fantasy is (1) a risk-free escape from difficult realities and (2) "practice" for how it might feel to allow myself to be closer to T in person, in session, or "practice" in allowing myself to even recognize the wish to be closer to T (and eventually, through more practice, closer to people outside of therapy). I am nowhere near the...Read More...

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. Jillann I have healthy meals it’s when I shop that I fill my basket with chocolate/cakes/biscuits etc., all to be consumed in a short time, I know it’s wrong when I buy it, don’t enjoy it when I eat it and want to throw up after having it and the guilt is awful; this along with another act when stressed/anxious makes it feel like self- abuse. I am returning to work tomorrow which would ease things during the day. I hate the feelings and...Read More...

TAS, I can definitely see how your T allowing contact outside of sessions and then taking it away is awful and must be bringing up tons of nightmares from your past. Most of us are in this condition partly due to the people we relied on to meet our needs being horribly inconsistent in meeting them. I don't know if you can get him to change the boundary back or not but this may be the opportunity to express all the rage and despair you feel because of this. Don't protect him. He can take it.Read More...

Re: Closure with old T?Read More...

I've been in therapy 10yrs and still working on this issue. We've put more words to the preverbal stuff which then helps with the processing of these feelings. But it's difficult and definitely a long road to trudgeRead More...

Hi all . He did reply from his mobile . I am feeling better somewhat , I told him in the e-mail I sent him I would check in after 2 weeks.. I hope he is not angry to me to resend the e-mail todayRead More...

although i imagine it's gotta be one of the most difficult jobs out there, i totally agree. there's just too much at stake.Read More...

((CD))Read More...

Resonated with me too TAS. I really don't want to be me anymore, which is good in way but also produces a ton of fear in me. Not being me means I have to change and that is near impossible it seems. Using your metaphor a tad differently, after years and years cement will start to break down a little bit but then then to redo it you sometimes have to use a sledge hammer. Therapy at times feels like a sledge hammer to me. Can be effective but what a mess in the process. Be well.Read More...