Thanks for the response so I stil have no clu y I'm on it when I havent been angry or throwing fits. I ve been submissive a thally so I keep my nose clean...& my mouth. Figure if im quiet..I don't kno. Side effects arent any better. Also started xylem which I read is very addicting. More I read more I don.t like. Thi k I'm refusing it to niteRead More...

((tas)) I think those walls and defences start collapsing when the mind knows we are now in a safe place in life for that to happen. That its safe to let go and start healingRead More...

Your so good CD.Read More...

I totally agree ...the hardest work ever. It takes great courage. We are all very courageous to face our demons, which are so crippling, and no doubt in addition to the wounded child some/all of us have a massive inner critic too which ridicules me for behaving in such a pathetic way! I still need to learn to be nice to myself....that no doubt sounds familiar too!Read More...

Hi GreenEyes, Last appointment went well. I did not say very much, we just planned a little about my goals for therapy. She gave me a hug when I left. I was exoecting to panic later, but I was ok and I texted her to say thank you and good luck. I had not managed that when I left! I have texted a couple of times since and she always replies immediatly, which is nice. I have back up T every week if I need, so I am just texting T for contact, which she is ok with. She has promised to let me...Read More...

Thank you Draggers...unfortunately, there are many on this board that can relate. I hope you know my exasperation was not meant to be directed toward you...what you wrote is truth. Yes, I am doing it but I am telling him this week if he doesn't change his boundary... I am out...Everything is overwhelming due to this boundary...stirring up stuff...if he compromised...the pain would lessen and I could manage it better. Thank you for your kind words. I know what you are saying is...Read More...

Thanks Jilliann your post, I feel that being challenging if that is the approach he is taking doesn't feel right for me, wouldn't that be better if rapport, trust, and safety have been built. Puppet - your response has calmed me down and I feel a bit more confident in handling the issue now, so thank you! The way you explained how the sense of safety is built by therapist and what we do with the space is up to us. I think you nailed it. I just feel this strong sense that with the right...Read More...

Thank you, AG! This is exactly what is (or was) happening with me. I was having such intense shame reactions (an almost physical reaction) whenever T said something kind or "tender" or discussed the "relationship" between us. Now, for reasons I don't understand, T does not speak of any of this at all, and even though I was uncomfortable and ashamed before, I am feeling destroyed by the absence of it... The song lyrics are amazing. Thank you for including them. Yes, it seems to be a choice...Read More...

Becca: Thank you. You are right. I am tired. Somedays I feel as if I am barely hanging on...somedays I have fallen flat on my face...but have fallen in the direction I want to head in... Thank you for your encouragement... T. RabbitEars...THANK YOU!Read More...

(((TAS))) and (((CD))) -thank you. I've heard lots of people here say they don't/can't/have had a really bad experience re: talking to others about something that happened in therapy. I guess it just isn't safe. I was really excited, I really wanted to talk about it. It was a huge relief, T said he felt completely humbled that he had done what he had, then hadn't even realized that it was a big deal. This is a good place. We can talk about it without being minimized. Thank you again.Read More...

Kmay it's good to hear things are a bit better. It is scary to be freightened of your own thoughts. I hope this med works out for you. Pdoc upped the dosage of my AD today hoping to get a stronger result. I am still struggling with obsessive ED thoughts. I hoping upping the dose will quiet these thoughts a bit. JillannRead More...

Well, I just found out the Therapist I am supposed to see tomorrow is actually in the same suite as the T I currently see...not sure if it is a good idea to see her...Read More...

Rabbit EarsRead More...

Turtle, and all of you above, the biggest hugs ever to you. It is heartbreaking, this kind of pain, and I can only echo what everyone has already said. I have reached a low point in my therapy and it feels like the pain has swallowed me. I just had my 63rd birthday and I have been unravelling this web from my childhood for 9 years. I hope each of you finds the peace, and love, and emotional freedom you so truly deserve. Xoxo bluRead More...

I know you posted this some time ago DGUOM, but I too have struggled for the last 47 years with a Narcissistic mother. I have now had a year of no contact, which has been something I never imagined possible. I don't know if you are aware but there is a forum for daughters of narcissistic mothers, and the support I have received from that forum has been really helpful. Just wanted to pass that on - there is life after narcissistic parents - but I get the thing about boyfriends family...it's...Read More...

I too craved hugs, but felt wooden if I was given one. I would go out of my way to avoid hugs, not because I didn't want one, but because I just didn't get it....what did all these other people get from hugging each other? My T asked after the first ever session if she could give me a hug, and I refused, absolutely no way, I didn't do touch. i knew i craved it though so my T used to send me a 'virtual hug' by text, and i began to ask for them. Eventually though,as I left a session, I got to...Read More...

((anon)) That was so beautifully written! So raw and beautiful. I'm glad you've decided to leave it up because I think your words can really help others. What you're going through and processing sounds really difficult. Just wanted to give you some hugs!Read More...

CD, I know you said you weren't looking for comforting words, but I couldn't let this one go. I honestly believe your therapist does care. But being ethical, he cannot let his own needs or desires enter into your therapy. Therapy needs to be about what you want to do and what you need, so even if its hard from him to not see you or he worries about you, he has to just deal with those feelings and NOT tell you about it so as to not have you take care of him. I abruptly quit on my first T at...Read More...

I know in the past I've been blocked when someone turned off PMs from everyone or almost everyone, not because it had anything to do with me, but just because they weren't feeling safe or comfortable to PM in general. That happened to me just recently, and it turned out to be just an oversight and they forgot to turn things back on. I hope you get it all worked out. (((hugs)))Read More...

Wish I could draw it!Read More...

I want to tell him to keep his stupid boundaries and if I want to wear sunglasses during session, I will damn well do it and he will have to put up with it!Read More...

I would be terrified if a male T picked up my chin without my permission. Especially if you're already triggered by the conversation.. I would imagine that the last thing that would help would be for him to touch you. So, I think it's very important you talk to him about how you feel when he touches you like that. It's very important that you do that, because if he's constantly triggering you with this, you'll never be able to make any progress. ((Hugs)) hang in there.Read More...

River...You are absolutely right...it is not an easy job...and to convey all of those things at the right timing, etc. can be very challenging. Muff...I agree with cutting their prices in half when they have us hooked Sometimes I wonder if the Therapist doesn't get more out of the therapy process than the client... L2F...Absolutely Consultations are needed...and are definitely good if you have some blind spots... I think one of the important things is creating a unique therapy for each...Read More...

no problem TAS. you didn't sound grumpy towards me at all. I hope that T does call you tomorrow.Read More...

Just caught up with it all.Read More...