Anonymously...thank you I hope he does call. If he doesn't...I can not bear the thought of him seeing how difficult this is for me...and yet, not replying. I want to FEEL he cares, and that feeling eludes me...I am trying to be an adult about this but I feel I am getting close to throwing out all decorum...I am hoping for the best...Read More...

I'm sure your XT will receive it CD.Read More...

I still really don't see the friendship. None the less, I'm glad you have a positive and close relationship with her - you're definitely not in a minority there, minus the kissing... I don't kiss friends or therapists - just my pets for nowRead More...

(((River))) i know you're having a hard time now so i really appreciate your input. it sounds like you understand that therapy can really magnify your issues. yes, these are things that affect my daily life, and they are not nearly as profound as they are in therapy, but they do affect my quality of life none-the-less. P.S. you'll really name your next born after me?!?!? you have laid down the gauntlet, girl! inner-child work is something i've only read about and quite frankly am not...Read More...

CD, I could have written what you just wrote. lol. Yes, I had a session with her on Thursday last week. I went back and forth so much with it (in my head) going, not going, going, not going, never going again...yada yada...you get it. I went. We talked about it. I told her I was afraid of getting attached b/c of what she has said. I told her that I think about her during the week between sessions when I am triggered and calms be a bit, but that I also feel myself scolding myself for getting...Read More...

Tas Makes very good sense and I think part of the T's job is identifying what those defenses are, what they're trying to achieve and why they're ultimately unhelpful. I have finally started to be able to observe this dynamic in myself. I have a horribly harsh inner critic (punitive parent) who basically wants me to disconnect, self destruct and die. So when those elements are alive without accompanying grief, I know I'm blocking something. Because at a time earlier in life it wasn't safe to...Read More...

I completely relate to what you wrote Anonymously.Read More...

Thank you Closed Doors. So. Very. Hard.Read More...

Well I sort of failed at the letter. T was very kind about it. She said it was a start. But that I was still turning everything back in on myself. I said things like "you really tricked me into that one", or "I can't believe I was so stupid to trust you". But that is how I feel. I feel horrible that I did not see what was happening sooner and that I let such terrible harm occur. My new assignment is to add a paragraph to the letter each day that starts with "I feel angry, or mad, or...Read More...

Thank you Liese. I was thinking about you... Hope you are well... The trouble is verbalizing....I just have to keep trying. Today should be interesting. I did tell him if I quit Therapy...it is not because Iam unhappy about the no contact...it is because the feelings it brings up...too much to grapple with... To conquer or be conquered... T.Read More...

Thank you TN. Have been in a bad place. Didn't even realize. I am going to read the feedback now.Read More...

Same here. Rejection. It is my shadow.Read More...

I hope so Jillann. I am always asking what the plan is and running into the awareness that not one that can be elucidated.Read More...

Muff Maybe if it's just a 'wee monster' ... he willRead More...

Is this one of the Ts that sat with you all day a couple of weeks ago? How did that go, btw? Not all crisis lines send people to your home, I've called before either feeling SU and having them sort of evaluate where I'm at and then talking to me. Even with SI or eating behavior they have helped me cope. They have sent people to my house when I was in dire crisis and it was extremely appropriate and I needed hospitalization (even my T would have sent me). Or, a warmer crisis line when I just...Read More...

This is definitely been an area where my T has shifted in his approach with me. I am prone to asking him a lot of questions, particularly "why" questions, and he used to deflect and try to just get me to go deeper and actually try to feel and say whatever. But he's not as quick to do this lately, and one day I asked him what his countertransference was. I fully expected him to block that question, but he told me that on one particular issue -- ongoing complications with my ex -- he had no...Read More...

Politics, religion, sex, birds, jokes, books, movies, nature, people, music, paintings, food, clothes, work, and sometimes, but not often, psychology.Read More...

{{{{ [[[[[ (((About))) ]]]]] }}}}} |||| Rabbit||||Read More...

Also, RT and RM, thank you for your input. It helps to know others recognize this process of finding and feeling emotions in session. I think part of me thought the whole thing was some theoretical mumbo-jumbo made up and endorsed by Ts RabbitEarsRead More...

My T told me that there was much healing and learning in walking together through those very, very low, dark times. T's goal would not be to jump to calling 911, but instead work through it and only if we can't, and only if I can't be safe or follow a plan, she will do anything it takes to keep me safe. That makes me feel good that someone cares that much. It makes me feel safe. And, I am learning that walking together through these times is a lot easier than going it alone.Read More...

(((Outsider))) - Thank you. Peanut - Thank you. You know when I finally talked to T about it, she said that it would be best for her to write a summary instead of giving all the detail. I started thinking about that in terms of my protection, instead of assuming she doesn't have any notes and it made more sense. There was a lot of stuff that "could" be in the notes that I probably don't want new T to see. Either way, I'm just not ready for it all yet. I sort of feel like a theray failureRead More...

I'm in an area that was slammed by storms last night and have no power so I'm constrained in my ability to respond to each of you but want to say thanks for sharing your wisdom, insight, experiences and encouragement.Read More...

At some point in therapy when we have listened to what the child within has been through, we become that child emotionally. That is the time our adult self begins to "mother" the child within. It is at this stage in therapy when we start to let go of our dependence on our therapist, and any other 'attachment'figure. The child self might feel it will fall into the abyss and disappear, but she/he has a life long friend in its adult self~ The self that first reached out to therapy for help.Read More...

Jill, I view (and sometimes viewED) my body as a thing, an object, to destroy and punish. I understand you there! DBT may be really helpful, that is what they did at my IOP program for eating disorders (modified from being for BPD to more ED related). Still the management of emotions is paramount.. It also depends where you are in your recovery, because GE is right about needing a relationship. Not always though, I went in to my IOP program with no relationships at all - I knew my T for 1...Read More...

Jillann, I hope the fog will go away. I think it's just your body/brain getting used to the new chemical guests I'm not on Celexa or any other antidepressant now. Over the last 15 years or so, I've tried Prozac, Celexa, and Cymbalta. I liked Celexa best, because I felt more like myself on that than on the others. Prozac made me kind of "speedy"--did not feel good to me. So, for me, the beginning side effects with Celexa were nasty, but then I liked the overall, long-term effect of the drug...Read More...