((((HI RED)))) Thanks for the validation.Read More...

Hey DpBluSee, Thanks for the book recommendations and suggestions. I will definitely check some of those out. I do have some more ideas and questions to bounce off you, but unfortunately no time to type it all out at present. Will probably pm in a day or so, thanks!Read More...

I have a lot of trouble talking in detail about how touch is used in my therapy and that has leaked into a sort of taboo feeling for me as well. T and I talk about that a lot, about it being OK and safe, not experienced as bad for him, and perfectly OK the way it is being used (which is mostly in working with younger parts who want it). It's a very confusing thing to me, because there is a lot division inside over really wanting/needing it vs having an extremely avoidant, even sickened...Read More...

Thank you! Didn't think of the Vicks rub so I just found some. I have a couple candles burning in my bedroom 2 help w/smell & hopefully get me thru the night. Not sure what house will smell like in the morning & how much its sathrated into everything like curtains, couch etc. Next time they do it we'll probably have a/c on but its still there just in a breeze. I hate the way this diagnosis has taken away things I most deearly loved especially from my childhood & I'm cutting it...Read More...

I took Wellbutrin and I hated it. It made me feel like an emotionless zombie. I think it made the depression worse when I was on it. I'm still boggled by the fact that I was prescribed the max dose when I was 16! Ridiculous!!! I absolutely refused to take it again after months of being on it. I don't really remember a lot of physical symptoms but I do remember sleeping a lot more than usual. Wellbutrin did not make me feel very "well"Read More...

Ahhhh... the dreaded "I moved an inch closer to T and now I have to run for the hills" syndrome! Been there done that and still do it on occassion. My T knows I do this and whenever I confess something big/new to him he is expecting me to pull back, pick a fight, complain about him, etc., until I can settle down again. He calmly and patiently reminds me of our relationship, our history and his own behavior towards me. He is good at contrasting his behavior with those who have hurt me in the...Read More...

Thank you all for your responses. Sometimes, the way the depression feels, makes me feel like I am crazy. I am grateful that you were each willing to share your own experience as it helps me to see I am not alone in the way I feel. (((((IrishGirl))))) - Thinking of you.Read More...

B2W I thought the comment was interesting, but when it comes to mental health I don't think there's very much that's absurd. The only comparison I have personally is that I have days that feel like "fog, heavy, slow days" like going thru the day half asleep & everything is an extreme effort including talking & in slow motion. I've only had days like this w/in the past 10 yrs & I've noticed a big difference w/ the amount of light I have that day. I live between 2 small mt ranges...Read More...

That is a hard question to answer, especially when you don't find comfort easily. I would be stumped too. My biggest, but maybe not most convenient, comfort is sleep. It takes everything away @ least for some time. I always looked to nap in the sun... like a cat. Before kids my H & I had this "hour of power" & for one hour we could indulge in anything & not feel guilty about it. It gave ourselves a break from society saying you shouldn't do this or that...or nap. That was...decadentRead More...

Interesting post! I was just thinking this type of thing the other day oddly enough. I'm sorry to hear that you are distracted by your T's apparent use of Botox. I would think the lack of facial expressions would be odd. Hmmmm....I have no idea how you would bring it up except to talk about lack of facial expressions like someone else just said. I was thinking of my former T the other day (as I do just about every day). I was thinking of how often her skin looked so young and glowing many...Read More...

Oh Mudd I feel so bad for you!! OMG he should have been telling you about this HUGE sabbatical break long before you opened up to him. I mean I have no idea when he figured it out but still. How painful. I think that therapists need to be very very clear on when they are about to leave or take a break or what have you especially with those who have PTSD or a history of abuse. I feel he was irresponsible here. ON the other hand I know you feel pretty close to him. You must be so torn as to...Read More...

Hello lovely people, I don't have time to reply individually right now, plus unfortunately am kind of fuzzy headed at the moment, but wanted to at least write briefly to thank you all for the replies. I loved reading about your sessions and how venting plays out in therapy for you. I have to say, it was kind of fun. And probably also bonding as Catalyst said, cathartic, and a good experience of being emotionally in the moment. Upon reflection, it probably was a productive session. Nice to...Read More...

((((TURTLE))) You made a difficult and courageous decision. It WILL be hard for sure but worth it in the long run. I haven't been so brave yet.Read More...

(((BG))) Even since I've been on this forum, I have seen you make huge progress. I hope to "grow up" one day and not feel like I need T and the only solution to it is to run away completely from him. Talk about bad timing, last night he randomly said something about his life not being in his control, from a spiritual perspective, and how he could be gone tomorrow. It was in response to my feeling like I am "dragging him along" on this horrible, unending journey with me. He was saying I can't...Read More...

Liese. IM sorry you had to through that. Just try to remember it has nothing to do with you. But with them and their own issues. I was so sick on Easter, the entire day was ruined and I missed slot of pre planned things including the class I teach at my Church....which on a holiday is very very busy. None was upset or made me feel.bad. If I had been dealing with my parents when they drank heavily however, then it would have been a different story. Not your fault stall. Easier said than done,...Read More...

When I told T about this place, he first expressed interest and curiosity. After thinking it over a couple of weeks, I decided I'd give him the web address if he was curious, because I trusted him and I don't say anything on here that I don't eventually tell him anyway. He appreciated my being willing to do it, but said that he didn't really have time to go on and read it and I know from other conversations that he doesn't really do forums (nothing against them, just no time and preference...Read More...

Oh! And I found two other things help me a lot too: reading your text out loud to yourself and walking around while you're reading. Granted, you'll look silly, but it really keeps me concentrated. Hope that helps anyone!Read More...

No texting, no e-mailing, no phone calls...the latter only allowed if it has something to do with appt. changes.Read More...

Thanks BLT for giving me your insight....I totally see your viewpoint and gives me ideas to think about. And thanks Liese....background, well he's been in practice for over 20yrs and does do cbt with me. He has helped in so many ways, I couldn't even drive to his office when I first saw him, the commute was only 12 mins away...I could barely leave my house. He has since moved locations to another state that is just less than half hr drive from my house to his new location...and I'm able to...Read More...

First thing i thought of like you, is being sent to the principal office. That overwhelming feeling if dread & all the trickle down effect it will cause bec I won't be I'n the same mood when I come out. I also get extremely defensive like I'm getting ready for a fight & I always promise myself that I won't cry or show any soft emotions. When I come out it takes 2 days to feel normal again.Read More...

Thank you all for your input. I know it's not good for me to not go back to t. however, I can't afford it anymore. I don't know how to post updates so I did it under my first post. any additional input would be greatly appreciated. thanks!Read More...

hi anagum, its just a very quick reply as i dont have time now - and i will come back later... but i just wanted to say... you are giving yourself a week to sort out something so major?? i think you are being too hard on yourself. i think setting such harsh goals will only make it harder. take your time. and i'm sure your T must know how slow progress usually is. i think it will probably be an issue that you will revisit and improve on in time, unfortunately there is no fix it once and for...Read More...

Sorry to hear about your MIL Liese. Re you snapping out of the bad stuff and back into reality. I do that too. I have no idea why. I think it has something to do with survival and prioritizing emotions? Not sure. B2WRead More...

my T is psychoanalytical and i feel like she focuses on the bringing down of defences, i remember i definetely felt that in the beginning - and it actually made me more resistant. maybe if she is doing it well, i'm not supposed to notice so much?... sometimes i feel she really pushes my buttons and that it doesn't help, i get more resistant. in my view, i dont feel that as 'my' goal, maybe its because i'm still trying to trust her. i see it more as something that happens along the way...Read More...