thank you irish! i tend to get back to functioning because i worry too much that other people will see what is really inside me, and that scares me. it is a good thing i guess, but sometimes i feel like i cant even fall apart properly... it is exhausting.... so my falling apart is generally for the weekend, and sometimes it spills over a bit. sorry for the rant... i really appreciate you checking in on me puppetRead More...

((( Anon ))) i don't know what to say. i didn't go through nearly the stuff you are, but i most definitely do relate to the being terrified of rejection by T. that was such a HUGE part of my anxiety in going to sessions. i sure liked T enough, but could never grapple with the anxiety, and i hated it because not only did he not deserve it, not only did i KNOW he didn't deserve it, but i couldn't help it for nothing. i hope these sessions with the new lady work out for you. i understand it's...Read More...

Starlight - Lol...thank you for that. So true huh?Read More...

Liese unless personal therapy is a mandatory part of their training (which it is with psychoanalytic T training) then you don't know. That's one of the reasons I'm so passionate about that approachRead More...

Indeed - only mine taught me NOT to feel anything, especially 'difficult' emotions or anything that wasn't associated with pleasantaries she saw important such as happiness, achievement and compliance. I am slowly learning with the help of my T that it is safe and healthy to feel a whole range of emotions... but it's hard to unlearn what was instilled so early on. starfishyRead More...

IrishSpirit : That's fine, don't worry too much about it! It was just, like, hey, guys...please? I know you didn't mean to do anything on purpose. I will! Once I come back from my adventure on Sunday (am guiding and translating for a group of American kids through the rainforest...), I really need to catch up on some me time. I sincerely hope you find the help you need too. Liese : At the moment when I first read that post, I was upset but I chose not to even say anything about it because 1)...Read More...

(((CD))) I struggled with this for a long long time. It's so hard to say how it ever resolved itself or if it even did. I still cry when I think about ending therapy though I just don't focus on ending so much though anymore. I don't think of the ending as being permanent anymore. It's not like I'm going to walk out of there one day and the door will be closed tight, locked and sealed. Funny, as I'm writing this out, it's making me think of how dissociation works and how our emotional parts...Read More...

Agreed; very interesting. It reinforces something my T said to me last year when we were talking about my family. She insisted that I was becoming the more emotionally aware one in the family and the best placed to heal any rifts from the past. Good article.Read More...

I have to agree with what Poppet said earlier. My rather simplistic view is that 50+ years ago my mother gave birth to me; now my T is giving life to me and that's worth far more to me than money or clock watching. For a long time last year I voluntarily overpaid my T, and the only reason I watch the clock in sessions is to ensure I don't encroach into her private time as I'm usually her last client of the day.Read More...

((( Cat ))), that actually helps a lot, thanks so much for sharing your experience and the experience fo your therapist. it helps to normalize what i'm going through, and not feel so freakish.Read More...

Glad to hear it ended up working out well, and it sounds like it was a great conversation for both of you. Nice work!Read More...

The ultimate loss of control. I never thought of it like that before. Being victimized by the alcohol but that's what it was like for me.Read More...

I will write more later... Between work meetings right now. But yea sometimes if you are destabilized the priority is management and then maybe going back when it's less intense. As for talking with your T about Sunday... My T is client focused and will not give me answers very often (this was hard for a while because in my trauma I've been told what to do all the time). I will usually explain what you explained then I will ask 'why do you think... Blah blah' then we will explore that...Read More...

Hei Nannabee, just an update. I had my session with T yesterday. I had a really bad week, first angry with T for cancelling and then pacicking that I could not manage the next 6 months with all the unavoidable uncertainty. On Monday however I felt better, looking forward to seeing T and anger gone.I decided I would just get on with my therapy and forget about it. I mean it is so unreasonable to be angry with someone for being sick. But when I got there I found myself just reluctant to say...Read More...

Hello, I am studying to be a therapist and one of the things we learn in school is that therapists are encouraged to take pro-bono clients meaning helping those out who could not afford to come. The therapist will weigh each situation out and determine if they are able to provide pro-bono services. It is something they do on an occasional basis and not just for one individual...Hope this makes senseRead More...

cat, what happened w. old T when you felt enmeshed and trapped? did you terminate? how did you navigate that? thanks. rock tas- i think stopping reaching out needs to be determined based on what is best for you. i can certainly relate to everything you said in terms of your feelings about the situation and a feeling that it doesnt feel good to wait for a response and wonder.Read More...

I just want to encourage you all to continue to be honest with EVERYTHING that is going on inside of you. The only way your T can help is if you are willing to be fully vulnerable and exposed. My T and I decided I was ready to begin transition and I went into panic mode. I had to share with him how I was totally connected to him (transference) and I really wanted to make sure we could disconnect before I left. That was in November. We are still working through the transition process and I'm...Read More...

Hi DR, Dual relationship was b/c my T was a family friend (somewhat removed) but none the less, a family friend. She knew my parents and occasionaly (very rarely) our lives would cross over outside of therapy. No, I am not currently having the same problem with new T. I have only been with her for about a month and a half now. I feel better when I leave therapy with her. I feel lighter. Hopefully, that won't change. It's difficult to explain how and why it made me worse with old T. I am...Read More...

(((KMAY)))) Thanks for writing that all out in one place. I remember that long session you had with her and how bad you felt afterward. The whole experience sounded really scary. You have never felt like that in all the time you had seen her? It almost sounds like you were flooded and she was the trigger. If that's the case, it would make sense that the contact with her would not be comforting and, in fact, cause you to feel bad. It made me think about an experience I had a couple of weeks...Read More...

Lol! Foo in some languages, my native language is used to describe a bad taste... Funny Liese. Enjoy your day!Read More...

No; I don't have a treatment plan as such either. T and I work on the most urgent things week by week; although every few months we'll have a session where we will review progress and agree verbally the things to address in future sessions. Is a written treatment plan a requirement of the health insurance companies in some countries?Read More...

hi liese, thanks for your reply. my mom was quite controlling. i was not much of a mamas boy. i was more wild and rebellious. but i was also close to my mom. someone told me that for a wild kid i was the biggest mamas boy they ever met. i think her being compliant and passive and my being angry over it relates to something having to do with "if you obey me you must be beneath me" or "if you let me push you around you must have no back bone" or something like that. this T is not a bad person.Read More...

(((TN)))(((AG))) Glad you guys found it helpful. AG, I've only been able to read parts also. I wanted to order too it but it's a bit pricey. Let me know if it's worth it when you get it. Wish I could get it from my library.Read More...

TN, Aaahh yes, makes more sense. Thank you. In my first meeting with T, when she was explaining how she is familiar with patients who have been through similar situations as mine with previous T's, she was basically giving a summary of the situation. She said that we need to process and umderstand what happened and that eventually I need closure and that may mean a closure session with old T She probably saw the look of horror on my face and decided it bast to not mention it again for now.Read More...