Yes. The book is kept on my shelf. Also loved the TED talk on introverts. I'm both.Read More...

Hi dancer As a trauma survivor I've found intense psychoanalytic therapy the most helpful intervention by far. There is often a strong emphasis on insight and interpretation. However one of the major avenues of healing is mourning and grieving, reliving the emotional pain that would have destroyed us in childhood had we faced it then. I don't know your history but maybe your caregivers didn't handle interpersonal closeness or vulnerable feelings very well which led you to feel ashamed and...Read More...

(((HIC))) (((kashley))) (((scars))) Thanks for all your support. In a pretty bad spot just now, but did want to let you all know I was reading and appreciated that you wroteRead More...

((((SUMMER))) I read this in Kathy Steele's article on phase oriented trauma treatment and thought of your situation. I'm not sure if it will make you feel much better but here goes: Just wondering if he might be avoiding his own difficult emotions and in the process avoiding yours?Read More...

hi avoidant. i completely understand and respect your opinion. i think this is more complicated than i let on. i actually know my T from another sphere in life and she may be able to tolerate some of what i say because she knows me in an entirely different light. also, i do say mean things but we often have productive sessions so its not as though i just go in there and berate her for 50 minutes and leave. i have a lot of problems with devaluing people. i feel very broken and my sense of...Read More...

GreenEyes, Smiley - He is doing better! He got out of ICU and moved to a regular room. Will be in the hospital for a few more days and then moved to a rehab center to get his strength up. He is not really happy about going to "another" hospital lol but he understands. We talked to neurologist about his behavior and he reassured us that it is normal for someone his age after a surgery like this. He said give it at least a month before we expect him to return to a more normal behavior.Read More...

Kmay - It's funny, everything you said I have talked to my T about. She said exactly the same things. To the letter. How do you just believe that? I trust her more than anyone in my life, but I don't. There's something definately wrong with my head! Liese - Right back to ya! Thanks. I've gone over the conversation I want to have with her and I'm afraid that every ending has the same result - goodbye. There's no way that I can just talk to her now. If it's over it has to be over. This sucks...Read More...

Hey Erica, thanks for replying. No worries about the time replying back, your therapy sounds like it is making you work overtime dealing with it. Mine is kind of putzing along because at the current time, I am only going once a month due to money issues. It is really hard to make any progress at this rate but I have been trying to do a lot of work in between on my own. Keep sticking with yours, it will be hard but I think you will eventually reap the rewards. Take care.Read More...

I was much calmer after posting and reading Avoidant's reply. By the time I got there I was pretty good - not even much of a tremble going on! It was a good appt - good discussion and some strategizing about procrastination, where that's come from, etc. We talked about my dad - first time ever to anyone other than a friend, and that was ok after the initial "OMG you're giving up The Big Secret!!" and the accompanying feelings of betraying the family. Sigh. Dad's been dead for almost 23 years...Read More...

Sorry for not getting back to you all sooner. (((CD, Hopeful, AG, Starlight, R2G))) CD - I think, on some level, I'd just chosen to forget that she wouldn't always be around for me just because it was too painful. So yes, I'm right there with you.. I always want her to be there. Forever. And I've always been somewhat thankful about the way that she can act like things are normal, except for now. Although I do remember now (I think) that she even mentioned that the reason I might be angry is...Read More...

Kashley, how funny. That's where I got it from. CD, the difference between your situation and the situation in the story is that in the story, the surgery turned out to be unnecessary. In your case, you have some serious quality of life issues. I am so glad your T left the door open for you to return. Do you have a goal in mind in terms of what you want to take care of before you go back to therapy?Read More...

Black Tea, Just one more thought. Sometimes it seems the transference gets stronger and really out of control when the therapist isn't necessarily that sensitive. That happened with me and with other members here. Somehow this fosters the "love" feelings on our part - maybe because this is what we are used to. In your case, it doesn't sound like your Dad is very sensitive to you either and that gets confused with being loved - hence your pull towards Richard over Beatrice?Read More...

Thank you for your reply Deeplyrooted. It was a help and I think that even if I had the brain scan and it showed PTSD it wouldn't show the why of it. I hope you are doing well. Your reply has caused me to look at it from a different perspective. Thank you, T.Read More...

Liese I know how awful the limits are and how much emotional pain they can trigger. It is horrendous to be told no to so many things you want and deserve. Unfortunately our relationship with our T's is restricted so we can know our grief, mourn our losses and then heal. So much easier to write this than to do it in practice though. Try not to run from your grief. The more time you spend with it, the less power it will have and the more healed you will become. I'm in a similar boat ATM in my...Read More...

Hi Becca I echo AG's words (hi AG!) and I've struggled (and continue to) with these very same issues. It's very hard to delineate between past and present needs and our deepest relational fears and anxieties are going to come out with a T when we work with them for long enough. It can be a terrifying and excruciating process. But the transference in T helps the healing immensely in the long term and that will carry through to other relationships in time. Big hugs xxRead More...

I agree with CD, it is the sort of thing I do. Anything nice comes my way, deflect.Read More...

hi blacktea! it sounds like a very hard decision considering your history with your ex T (R) and the fact that your new T (B) has been so good to you. seeing things from the sidelines with no emotional investment, I would say stick with B, she sounds a lot more stable, like she has her stuff figured out therefore is in a much better place to help you, like she's been doing already. R on the other hand, even if he was happy to see you, i dont think he should have allowed 'the awkward' thing...Read More...

i agree with the above, it's doing things that words can't really convey. sometimes i don't notice when i do it, but i'm sure i do.Read More...

Hi Becca, Thanks so much for writing! I wrote something to my T like nine months ago and I have only brought up the word like two times since then...I said that yesterday that I have put people on a pedestal and it needs to be talked about so we will talk next week...just got off of a two minute phone conversation with her but couldn't really talk. I hope you'll be able to bring it up with your T also soon...sometimes I'll do something dumb like I did today when I called her which I will...Read More...

Thanks for all your replies. Liese my H does his own therapy but has tremendous difficulties with trust. He's just started with a new T after 3 or 4 years with another T that seemed to make minimal difference. SD I have made a number of new friendships since starting with my T. And it's through the work with him that I've come to see my family are all pretty much narcissistic, sociopathic or codependent and are of little value in terms of Interpersonal support. Avoidant I'm sorry to hear of...Read More...

Hey Tas, I'm gonna just keep it short coz I don't want to go into the details, but to answer your question I have tried hypnosis and for me it was not a positive feeling - quite the opposite. Would I ever do it again? Simple answer - no. I guess you will have to make up your own mind on that one. B2WRead More...

Hi TAS, I don't think we have met so I will tell you I spent years in negative transference with my former T and it was hellish. I didn't understand why I couldn't fully trust her or why I felt the way I did. I may not explain this very well but for me I had to learn to follow those negative feelings back to the first time I felt that pain in childhood. Then to focus those hurt feelings on the original person who triggered them and make the current pain about the first offense. I was not...Read More...

(((AV))) Thanks for the congrats and support. Of course how I feel about it is what matters. Wish I could get that through my thick head. (((BLT))) My first response was to say, "wow, how did she know that?" Then I wondered, "wow, is it that obvious?" Do you think other people really don't care? I would love to believe that. I think other people's comments to me over the years are stuck in my head. A big step forward for me was becoming aware of those thoughts. It hasn't been easy though I...Read More...

Thanks! To be honest, it was not the things I was doing, it was simply the way I perceived the world and my life. Instead of going through the motions of eating breakfast, I actually really was there eating breakfast. I would take a bite of cereal and think, "Wow, this is delicious. I am just eating cereal right now and that's all I'm thinking about and it's so great...why didn't I realize how delicious this cereal is until just now!!" I did not suddenly do crazy, exciting things...I simply...Read More...