I remember my T telling me that he thought I should just confront my dad early in my therapy. I literally told him to shut up. BUT ...it was the beginning of working through the abuse and getting real with it all and then about a year later I chose to actually confront my abuser. It was a really freeing experience. ALL THAT SAID you really have to be at a place of peace and that you cannot expect anything from your abuser. This confrontation is when you are ready to let it go and be at peace...Read More...

BLT, Outsider, Leise, Thank youRead More...

awww ((( MMM ))) your nice wishes mean a laot to me. no, i'm currently not in therapy thanks to the ever-declining health care benefits. such is life. it sounds like you understand what's going on, which will benefit you greatly, i hope. yeah, i think it's vitally important to not beat oneself up for reacting to situations that trigger past experiences. easy enough to say, i know. good luck to you MMM, and i hope you come around more often. but if you don't, that's okay too.Read More...

YAY!!!Read More...

Hi, TAS. I wholeheartedly agree with CD...and your second thoughts. Hang in there. I haven't commented on any of your posts, but I've read many of them. I completely get the constant tendency to flight. So many of us do. Keep holding on. Your T sounds solid and able to take all that you give him. That is golden.Read More...

Thank you Closed Doors! Definitely going to take a look at that article T.Read More...

Hello All, I think this idea that we are "too much" stems from a deep shame we seems to lug around in our lives. Once the shame is able to be lifted from us then we may actually value ourselves and expect others to value us. When our T's say nice things to us that is who we really are..think about it just coming for therapy shows us that we care enough about ourselves to get help...I know my T thinks that in itself gives me value...Our T's see us without the lens of shame....and by doing so...Read More...

AV - Thanks for that link. I really enjoyed Smail's article and drilled down to read more Of his opinions about therapy. Its like the Emporers New Clothes. Like you, B2W, I think its strange or suspicious that these type articles and opinions aren't very visible. Then we think we are alone and crazy or wrong to think that way! B2W - thanks for bringing this topic up! AG - Thanks for your link as well. It is reassuring and helpful. I think both articles were saying the same thing. But "what...Read More...

Thanks for asking this Incognito. "Working through feelings" is a phrase that can be in some cases at least a psych cliche. I guess we keep working on these feelings but haven't gotten through them. I certainly have some emotions and memories that I have carried around with me for many years. I don't know if they will.ever stop.haunting me or transform into something constructive. On the other hand, I have had some success in processing difficult feelings with emdr. Intense emotions that had...Read More...

(((PUPPET))) The woman T I saw before my current T did this and I didn't find it helpful AT ALL. It felt very invalidating. My current T doesn't do it AT ALL. We talk about what's bothering me - whether it has to do with him or not - and we take it at face value. I needed to have my feelings validated first I think. I have read that it's not a good idea to make the connections back to the past for some people and it sounds to me like it's not working for you. Is that something you can talk...Read More...

(((HELD)))) It IS difficult to wrap my head around it too. I don't want the label to define me. I didn't struggle with the trauma label but I have struggled with other labels. I can relate to how it might feel foreign and as if it solely and completely defines who we are. You shouldn't question that you are struggling with the label. You are and that's okay. You have to work it through until you understand what it means for you and feel at peace with it.Read More...

Sure. Today is a little tough, we had a bad first winter storm so my last session of the week was canceled. The last before Christmas . I mean I understand you know? Safety and all, and all schools were closed. So that means snow day for his kids. Yes boundaries no matter how safe feels like rejection! Ok next Thursday needs to come super fast! Keep writing. I think I may hug my worry stone today.Read More...

(((TAS)))) How are you doing? Did you go back?Read More...

(((((((( R2G ))))))) Glad you managed to talk to T about this and feel a bit more accepting of where you're at. Even if it sucks . LLRead More...

Hey AV! Have to say my choice in terms of T's or very close friends for that matter has always been female. That is not to say I don't get on with men. Growing up I was such a tomboy and as a result had a lot of guy friends. I really enjoy talking to men about certain topics of conversation, but somehow the conversations are different to what I talk to females about. I think I just identify more with females. On top of that I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to a male T about sexual issues,...Read More...

their 'I guess' I do not know anyone who goes the online road myself. I have seen a few T's advertising sessions V skype. thats about it. I would think however some people may feel it is easey to talk to a person not a screen or deal with a issue on the phone. On the other hand if someone has tried and given up on face to face talk talk maybe it is worth a shot... after all, can it hurt any more that life it self. NDRead More...

KD and Jones, thanks so much for responding. Big hugs to you both too LLRead More...

No, you didn't offend me. I was just trying to clarify my opinions on EMDR and trauma processing in general. I wasn't sure whether you might have gotten the message from what TN wrote than EMDR is useless for complex trauma, which is something I would disagree with. I guess I also heard TN as saying (even though she probably didn't mean to) only psychodynamic T's are effective for certain things, and my own opinion is that my T and TN's are totally different in their training and approach,...Read More...

AV I missed this post, sorry! Lol about the forums, I'm still trying to work out how to use them, will let you know what they're like once I've had a decent look myself. Hey about being courageous, you know your comment reminds me of times when various Ts I've had have said they thought I was being very courageous for continuing to put myself into therapy despite everything - and I'd say, no it's not courage it's sheer desperation. I have no option... So if you don't feel it's courageous, if...Read More...

Oh I can so relate to this one. Last year I left a prayer minister because of transference and countertransference. The prayer minister didn't know how to help me through this stuff. I was projecting him to be my father, set him up to reject and abandoned me and was a total mess. When I met my liscensed therapist I was very hesitant to form a bond. I did not want to become attached to him. I told him that over and over and he was really good at helping me to honor that. I remember one time...Read More...

TAS-- I would definitely want to know just for the sake of knowing what's on my insurance records if for nothing else. If you are paying with insurance, I believe the T has to give a diagnosis after a fixed number of sessions to "justify" continued treatment. Is your T refusing to tell you your diagnosis unless you have the conversation in the way he wants you to? I'm not sure they can with hold information like that-- I would think you have a right to know what's on your records. Possibly...Read More...

(((((( Puppet )))))) And (((((( Scars ))))))) too. I hear what you're saying but it doesn't ring bells with me - except maybe in the sense that fear is so constant and FAMILIAR that if it weren't there I probably wouldn't recognize myself or the world. So maybe that's similar? LLRead More...

I totally understand what you are saying...I am alowed to email my T, because she says, that it is better said or written than keeping all frustration inside. I have problems talking to her eye-to-eye...So I think it is really good, that you've written to her and that you got her reply...I do think it is good to have email contact, because you can read it when ever you want. It is just that written word lasts longer. Okay with limitations, I only write when I am in huge pain. Hope u update...Read More...

Yep, I agree with Draggers entirely.Read More...

originally posted by ((( HIC ))): HIC, i think that's all very insightful! if you don't mind, i'm going to print that out because it really resonates with me. i'm going to dissect that and try to integrate that into my life. i think that's been a struggle in therapy from day one for me ... i've always felt as though going to therapy felt like i was literaly stripping down to nakedness, and that's held me back in therapy, i think. just the whole surrendering of yourself to another person, and...Read More...