Athenacus, after years of seeing my T off and on I told her about something that happened to me when I was aroung 10 or 11. It happened three times with a neighbor man. I repeatedly told her that I didn't think it had any long term affects on me. I think she thought otherwise but didn't say so. Well last weekend, my SO and I had an incident that resulted in an arguement. He said exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time and I completely exploded on him. I'm not going to get into specifics,...Read More...

It's ok taking your time in responding, sorry I didn't see this sooner. It sounds like you are feeling very hopeless, but the fact that you can feel our love and care means that you CAN feel it. And you can learn to have that with people who are physically in your life. You have been mistreated for a very long time, and one of the terrible effects of that is that you have come to believe a lie, that you are not loveable and anyone who actually interacts with you would be happy to not have to...Read More...

MMM, Glad the normal comment helped, but do consider the source.Read More...

Thank you all so much for answering me. I read here all the time and have for years. I just am always so afraid to post so I just read in silence. It is because of all of you that I have dared to speak of my deepest fears, secrets, desires and questions in therapy. I owe so much to all of you! Your responses about love are so helpful to me. AG and Outsider, those words about love from those therapists made me cry. To think that's how my therapist might feel about me is so heartwarming. It...Read More...

Hi all. I just gave up and sent my t a e-mail, I have tried to use other forms of help last days but no luck, so I really as my last chance I sent my T e-mail, I don´t know if he answer or not...Read More...

I'm reading a book called "Controlling People" by Patricia Evans right now. Wow. Just...check it out. This book has helped me realize that I AM NOT the crazy one!! I expected as much from family, but not from a therapist. I'm still shocked by it, to be honest. It is surreal is that MANY therapists are controlling. I just talked to a new T and he even told me that the new trend in therapy is to blame the client for the shortcomings of the therapist. For real. My father was unaware and felt...Read More...

Thanks for fast reply , I was often thinking what it meant, best to have right from the beginning ..Read More...

thanks, you guys. your support means alot. i sometimes think weekly sessions would be good, just because it seems like i go through so many feelings between sessions. this forum has been a huge help in carrying me from one session to the next. for one thing, i unfortunately can't afford weekly sessions. plus, i wonder if the intensity would be too much. plus, i don't know ... i kind of feel pressure from him. and that pressure makes me feel like i'm making a personal affront to him, which...Read More...

((((janedoe)))) I just really don't know what to say. The actions of that insurance company are so illegal and nonsensical it makes my head spin. Like I really do not understand why they would care at all about your T. It makes no freaking sense. And so I want to tell you get a lawyer and fight, fight, fight, because what they are doing is so wrong. But I can also understand you just wanting this over with, especially with all the crap you've been dealing with recently, so if your T won't...Read More...

Erica and Athenacus - I'm so jealous! I only completed my BA in psych before starting a family, but I may go back one day! I love the subject so much!! Been thinking about my beloved T reading here. I said earlier that he knows I come here and that I really don't think he would take the time to check it out, but yeesh, not sure I like that kind of gamble! Under the cloak of anonymity, I say more here than I do to him, particularly in certain threads. Just not ready for certain things to come...Read More...

Thank you Closed Doors!Read More...

Thanks (((Cat))) and (((Liese))) I'm just trying to breathe through each minute. It's like treading water, which though I am good at doing, my record is just over two hours, and now I'm pushing two days. Sleep makes everything better. So does Xanax. This too shall pass, right?!Read More...

R2G, thank you so much for your response. I honestly didn't know that there are things that could be wrong and that doctors will often not know what to look for. I AM meeting with an ED dietitian next week and I've already signed the agreement for my T and her to exchange information and treatment plans. I think the crux of the issue with T is that I need to ask him, yes or no, if therapy is a safe place to talk about the ED stuff. He wasn't saying that he would "fire" me for a time while I...Read More...

Thanks all! (((MMM))) When you put it that way, it does sound funny, but I know what you mean! I also pay attention to all the little nuances, my problem is I don't remember what T says, or what I say, as they pertain to me. Those nuggets somehow land differently in my brain, and I hold on to the longer? Dunno. (((SD))) It's nice that T emails you the notes from the session, that would be pretty cool! My T doesn't do recording, but I may have to bring it up again, cause I am holding on to so...Read More...

Omg - that was just beautiful. Thank you so much.Read More...

((( jd ))) on a heart level i don't think T was being condescending or non-accepting of me, either. it's just that's what i expect to hear, so that's what i hear. i hear what you say about the "easily overwhelmed" comment. you prepare yourself for their response, and they come back with something even just a little bit askew from what you're expecting, and the world comes crashing down. this is one of the things that drives me mad about therapy. i hear what you're saying. and about your...Read More...

(((b2w))) Thanks for your response. It is helpful to know how vigilant you feel toward not only your own kids, but others. I find I have the same thing and mostly toward men as well, but due to some weird family thing, I will probably have a problem with women when Boo is entering puberty too. I feel sad that I am just instinctively less trusting toward men (who I don't know well personally) at church who interact with her innocently than women. But, at the same time, I understand why it is...Read More...

Hi Draggers! Oh, you are a brave one...and the responses you have gotten are so amazing, every one. I'm trying to get a bit back in, I thought I'd tell you my experience... So you know how it was with my old T....opf course, no touch, but...yes I wished for it. Now I see Cowboy T///and I shook his hand right away, on purpose, and I hugged him, whether he did like it or not, a couple of times, and then, I purposely asked for a hug a couple of times, and once, he even hugged me when I left...Read More...

I haven't seen T out and about but when we knew each other years ago and were doing therapy and working together - we were always careful and we trusted each other not to say anything about therapy when in another role. I asked T to come and look at my new house (we haven't moved in and it has no furniture in it). I had talked about it in therapy and it will come up again as I don't want to leave my current house. My T said she would love to and she came earlier and spent an hour with me at...Read More...

((((GOOD MORNING))))) You guys must have been up all night posting here or maybe I missed all these responses yesterday. I'm headed out of town for two days in 10 minutes and don't have time to respond right now. It was interesting to hear all of your replies. Thanks.Read More...

i agree with Liese that you have to at least talk about it. please know i am NOT discounting your feelings, but i'm backing T up on this one ... i know they're busy folks to begin with, but can you imagine if every client had a book they wanted their T to read? they probably have a back-log of their own to read that they don't have time for. i DO understand your hurt feelings, but i also think it's a tall order to expect them to read a book for you, and don't think it would be unreasonable...Read More...

Puppet: I'm sorry...I just now saw your reply. I didn't mean to ignore you Yes...he is a pain in the %$^^&&&%%$ (LOL) ... I keep trying to offer him an out and he keeps telling me that he is not going to take the out...pisses me off... Hey, at least he is fighting for me when I can't seem to...or don't feel I am worth the fight... Thanks for your insight...appreciate it T.Read More...

AG: I thoroughly enjoy what you write and I can so relate to clinging to ankles and trying to run far away...I feel that way with my therapist...and honestly, at times, I feel that I am going crazy...like I want him to be close but I fight so hard to push him away...it really is confusing behavior on my part...not sure I understand it. He has told me that he will is here for the long haul, no matter how long it takes. Normally, that would be comforting, but I still try to push him away. He...Read More...

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: I was thinking about those who have endured abuse and how one becomes so enmeshed with their abuser/abusers that they lose their own identity...it's almost as if they are no longer a person of their own...So, when you are having to learn where you begin and end and learning where others begin and end...it can be a real challenge-Especially when your identity has been so compromised.Read More...

Hi Held, Oh I really like the way you are looking at the whole boredom thing. It's interesting because I do feel like I'm on a bridge of sorts also between the past and the present. The present feels so unfamiliar and scary. I guess all this old stuff has been keeping me company for all these years and now that the intensity is gone, it's hard to know how to organize my world. I'm not familiar with the feeling of being on level emotional ground. I'm used to the ground shifting all the time.Read More...