Thanks for all the replies, I'm glad I want overreacting. I did talk to T about H's request. He said he'd be willing to have him come into a session long enough to answer his questions about the THERAPY PROCESS, not the content of our sessions. He did recommend that we wait until a couple sessions after vacation to make sure I'd processed that whole experience. He said that he'd be there to back me up and stand up for me if I needed him to do so. I told him that I was very possessive about...Read More...

One of the most powerful and helpful things my T ever said to me (and i must tell her this) was that in our first real session she said to me that she is in the therapy relationship with me for the long term and there will be times where we both stuff up or that I hate her and I will lover her and that might even be at the same time". At the time I thought she was the crazy one to be saying that. Love and Hate at the same time. Crazy. But it didn't take very long for me to realise what she...Read More...

I am definitely attached to my DH. He is somewhat of an attachment figure for me, but my main AF right now would definitely have to be T. She's the one that I am mostly attached to. She grounds me. I do share with my husband. I talk about sessions, my recovered memories, and the feelings that I am feeling in/and about therapy. He doesn't fully comprehend the traumatic experiences or pain I have been through. His childhood experiences were very different. But, he understands my parents and...Read More...

I have a journal that I write in all the time. I am sure to write in all the positives that T brings to my life, all the progresses that I have made in such a short time with her, and how I know healing is meant for me. This usually allows me to realize that I am just struggling through something at the moment and that it will eventually pass(I have a little rule with T, too, that we will talk through hard issues with honesty before any rash decisions are made in relation to our...Read More...

TAS, After 16 months, I still refer to trauma and abuse as "the t word" and "that thing you said" as I can't even acknowledge those terms are applicable to my life. I'm still in denial about my dx of C-PTSD, and if my T handed me a book on trauma he knows he'd get it handed straight back to him. Sometimes I think he must despair of me, but thankfully he keeps it well hidden. As for the wanting to run feeling, I think that's pretty much a given in therapy at times. I'm going through it again...Read More...

YES ~ and I didn't believe her....then didn't want to believe her....then believed her and asked how long....now trying to accept it takes a while....Read More...

You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for the replies...and thanks closed doors for the article reference...I will be checking it out! Thanks, T.Read More...

Hi TAS, Just really liked what xoxo said here: I am still working through those feelings of rejection with my T but it is getting better. It has been hard for me to figure out when I'm actually being rejected vs. when I am taking something personally that I shouldn't take personally. It's tough work but going through the process really is helping me figure out where I end and others begin as I have been a bit porous. It's also helping me develop a healthy and more positive sense of self. I...Read More...

We have had some big ruptures and each time my T has been wonderful. I think mostly because she is experienced and knew where it was coming from. Even when she did things that caused it - once I explained how she affected me - she always apologised and worked on how we both fix things for the future. Sometimes my T has caused it - she lets me be angry and admits her fault and we fix. My T always says that we are humans, both of us will make mistakes and that we need to talk it through. Each...Read More...

Good to hear, 3M!Read More...

Meraynjel ~ That is great you are going to give calling a crisis line a try! I think the more you talk about it and share with others, the more it will help sort this out in the best way for you and this T. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you can or should also forget. If he was sorry, if he was repentant and really taking responsiblity for his own stuff and his terrible professional boundary violations in the therapy with you, he probably would be reffering to you to consult with another T...Read More...

I don't think she is saying she needs a break from you but I hope you'll tell her how you feel. My T told me I saw her for about 6-8 months and barely said anything the entire time I was there. What I remember of the sessions is talking a lot but she actually LAUGHED and said... no... I literally sat and said almost nothing the whole time. So I think if you're overwhelmed... it's easy to forget. Even now I can't remember the first year of my work with T2. Missing the content of your sessions...Read More...

Wow, thanks everyone for good support and ideas. I like the idea of writing to her so that I can get all of my thoughts out safely. I think I would just flat out describe my experience to her and ask for a refund. Something along the lines of.... "Hi XXXXXXX, After having some time to reflect and gather my thoughts, I wanted to share my experience of our session last week. I was really disappointed that I didn't get to talk about anything that I needed to, either for my own healing or for...Read More...

My T works out of two different offices that have a bunch of Ts who all work from a Christian counseling perspective, but in both offices, he works independently. At least one of the websites (one that has a nice photo of him on it, sigh, so now I've gotta look at him to verify I was right) specifically says that the counseling center is composed of independent, non-affiliated professionals and that my T is an independent mental health clinician. I know at least one of the offices does have...Read More...

Awesome, Hoosier. Let us know how it goes (if you are comfortable doing so, that is. I understand if not.).Read More...

BLT - Thank you so much for your comments, and OH YES did they make sense. AG - You are my needs hero. Yes, yes, exactly - It's not safe for me to say, "I need you to come home early" but it is so safe (and also validating love for me) for her to say, "I want to come home early" even though that is what I need. I read your last paragraph, and I know it to be true, but good golly that little injured girl inside me just squirms all around to hear you say it. Thank you for saying it. Starry -...Read More...

((((XOXO))))) LieseRead More...

Quell, I use the stuff brought up on the forum mostly every week. It helps me talk about subjects that I would never dream about talking about or having the guts. Sometimes I will say - someone this week said xxxx - but I am not sure what I think about that - and T and I will discuss. Or something will be here that is exactly what I am going through and I didn't realise it! I would never want my T here at all - as I have revealed a lot. I would be in mad delete mode if I knew that. She has...Read More...

TAS, in my experience therapy can be painful and difficult, but there are ways to make it more tolerable. Sometimes you need to slow down, change tactics, or even find a different T. For me I needed the last options because therapy was making me worse instead of better. IMO, don't do stuff that will cause you more pain than you can tolerate. There is always another option somewhere.Read More...

(((SD)))) Hope we didn't go off track there too much. Glad you feel okay that T won't terminate you. It does take a long time, doesn't it? It can get frustrating at times. Hope you are hanging in there today. xoxo LieseRead More...

((((TAS)))) There is no failing in therapy. It's taken me a long time to get that. Actually, I still struggle with it. If I was truly myself all the time in therapy, I would be unhappy and crying throught every session. Why not try the weekly sessions and see how you feel? If you feel worse, then talk to T about going back to twice weekly. If you feel better, then stick with it. It might not have to be a permanent decision. Good luck on Wednesday, if you go. LieseRead More...

(((Anna))) So sorry that your T will be gone so long! Mine has already given me a heads-up that he may be unavailable next week, and I'm mentally gearing myself up for it. Last summer, my T had a massive stroke just a few hours after our appointment, and he wasn't expected to survive. I was devastated!! In a very selfish way, I might add, because all I could think about for weeks was just the following: "what if I never see my beloved again; how will I go on without him?!" And "what kind of...Read More...

Liese - Glad that holding onto your T is easier today. I think, despite my best efforts, I also get caught on past perceptions of my T and they interfere with me staying connected. It can be so hard to hold on at times and it takes me an extreme amount of reassurance to do it still. It can be difficult not to beat myself up over it, but my T has always said he understands that when someone's trust has been so wounded, it is difficult to be vulnerable again in that way. There are pockets of...Read More...

thank you BLT, your advice because you went through it too offers me some hope! not sure if she's not giving me what i need or i'm not letting her give me what i need - or a combination more likely... puppetRead More...

Pingu, Catalyst, HeldInCompassion, Somedays: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. Catalyst: I swear that was just like me. For the first few months, every week, I would ask: "How much longer? How many more sessions?" He would tell me he couldn't answer that. At first I thought he was incompetent. I have fought having any kind of attachment, so I know specifically what you mean when you talked about 'tools' and such. Last session I told him how scared I was of forming any...Read More...