thanks everyone for your supportive responses.Read More...

hi blanket. yeah. i could get a second job. but the treatment will take years. that would mean getting a second job and paying 15k out of pocket for about 6 years. maybe more. i feel like id rather be sick than pay this man $80,000. is that crazy?Read More...

Thank you for this Cat, it finally explains to me one of the reasons I've been feeling so frustrated with T about transference. Whenever I bring it up, I am hoping for her to tell me where these feelings are coming from, why I am having them, or at least what I can do about it. But she won't. She states the same thing every time, something we both agreed on why it makes sense that I feel very attached to her. It's as if she is waiting for me to continue the conversation and tell her what I...Read More...

** Possible SU triggers** kashley, Thanks for the hugs and kind words. I've talked about it with my T in general terms before - he knows I have two attempts in my past - but I told him that while I have a plan, I've made a deal with myself I'm not allowed to follow through until my son has left home (it's a long wait, he's only 9). When I made a flippant comment about my state of mind on Thursday, my T asked me a direct question, but I stayed silent for a while and then talked around it,...Read More...

Oh, I just lifted this from Wikipedia: Nonsense and fantasy. That sums it all up sometimes, doesn't it?Read More...

((((b2w)))) Ah, that was a good one. Yes, a little below the belt, but you are right that I started it with the belt thing. LieseRead More...

I think that is pretty typical. If she has stated that is what she is going to do then I would just leave it at that. It is her place to let you know if she needs it to be different. My old T raised her rates last year. I think she gave about a months notice and it applied to everyone.Read More...

So... It seems like for many of us, our attachment style might vary based on the OTHER individual, as opposed to being set in one style regardless of who we're dealing with. I have a very strong internal locus of control (over 70%), so I guess I wasn't expecting that the scores and quadrants would vary so much based on who we're dealing with. Very illuminating! Maybe this should have been obvious, but I guess I was thinking that if we're "x" then we're always "x", regardless of the...Read More...

Hi Tessa, I always play with my wedding ring. I slide it to the end of my finger and put it back on. The reason I do it is that I gained a lot of weight since I got married and now I've lost some and it's a way for me to feel if I've gained or lost some weight back or if I'm bloated. I don't think it's related to my feelings for my H but it might be. I've done it a long time.Read More...

Hi Anna, I know it can be so upsetting, but his reactions do NOT mean that you have done anything wrong. It may be that you need someone who will allow between-session contact/emails, and he just isn't that one. Or, you may decide as I did, that your T is worth the no-email policy because of everything else about him - how safe you feel with him, how much you trust him, etc. I love my T and fully believe that he does things in MY best interests, so I stayed even when I was really hurt. In...Read More...

And now, here I am again, completely triggered, thinking thoughts I haven't had in a long time, because of being in a situation that I wouldn't have to be in if I just did what my T is wantin me to do. And I completely get why, but I just don't know if I can. But I also don't know if I can handle this either. I feel like I'm going to lose it. I keep seeing flashes of myself in my head completely falling apart or just going crazy. And any time I'm out walking or doing something I look down at...Read More...

ND, I've never seen my innermost fears put into words like this. I can really relate to what you've said, thank you. StarryRead More...

Thank you AG, I checked it out and it looks like what I need Maybe it's crazy but I had never heard of the notion until I started therapy.Read More...

Shameful, I have been forbearing, knowing that you were upset over your friend being barred from the forum, but this is enough. You are not trying to discuss anything, you are using a forum you insist you detest, to attack and defame the people on it. If what you are saying is your idea of kindness and sensitivity, I am glad to know you do not perceive those qualities in anyone here. I am closing this thread. If you start another thread with more abusive posting, that will be closed and your...Read More...

This cutie reminds me of the inner child in all of us, and how one day when healing has been done we can return to that state of joy in our purest form. So, when I am sad I am going to look at Happy Skippy Jumpy face and remind myself that is why I am doing all of this.Read More...

Hi LL, Thanks for following up here with me. I'm always back and forth with this therapy stuff but YES it has gotten very intrusive for now. This is a good place to go back and read the support from everyone and like a journal for the counseling. HopefulRead More...

Jane, Wanted to send you a big ol' hug and tell you that I understand where you are coming from. Transitions are SO hard. Any change is difficult and the only thing that gets me through is the hope that it will get better. It will improve. It has to, right? Sometimes I am at a loss and feel like day to day life is pointless but then I try to remind myself of little things I do. I smile at a stranger--that person might have been having a bad day and I changed their outlook. I help people on...Read More...

Good luck with your session Hoosier! In the past I've celebrated anniversaries to the extent that I gave my T a card the first year. The second year we had a session on the exact day and I brought up that it had been two years. This year our third anniversary was this past Sunday. I didn't say anything, T didn't either and I don't plan to. We aren't on great terms right now so I'm not if we'll have a fourth or not. I've given my T small homemade gifts and cards for various occasions. I don't...Read More...

fRead More...

Hi anna, I'm so sorry about your past and how much you're hurting *hugs* I can understand why you are so distrusting of everyone else, people around you broke your trust in bad ways, you just learnt how to defend yourself. The first time I read your reply I felt your T wasn't the right person for you, he sounded way too unpredictable and not safe enough for you to anchor on him, but after learning it took you 2 years to trust him... that's a big investment and you shouldn't dismiss it so...Read More...

(((((BB)))))) Thank you so much for popping in. I hope you don't delete because you said everything so gracefully and beautifully. Your post was very honest, especially the following: I default to resentment and jealousy just as you do. I do think it is a good thing to acknowledge that life is and can be unfair but then to move on from there. And maybe I too suffer a bit from wanting to live in some kind of utopian world. But if we didn't have a vision of something better than ourselves,...Read More...

Muff, you are so wise.Read More...

No, I wouldn't. Not at all. Never. That counts for my stepmother and father who raised me. But my Mother. Difficult but I think, yes I wouldn't mind having a talk with her if she was my neighbor from time to time. Bring her some pot plants. Exchange cakes and meals. The occasional dinner gathering. Definitely a Christmas card through the letter box.Read More...

Thank you so much Liese, Starrynights, hopeful and Lamplighter (who was NOT too late at all!!) Thank you for understanding my fears are very real for me and for making me feel like what I felt mattered since you took the time to respond. It means a lot to me to have someone "care" and I will hold your advice close for when something like this happens again. It is so much better to admit to T you are hurt, so T can help to fix it.Read More...

Thank you for writing this, heldincompassion! This is exactly how I feel, too. I have been racking my brain trying to understand these attachment feelings (because I haven't talked about it yet with T) and this is how I feel. My mother was also always anxious, and overprotective and controlling...she always wanted to prevent "the worst (in her mind) from happening." Well, I think what happened was that I was always trying to make sure she didn't worry, that I never felt able to really open...Read More...