This is absolutely true...you need to experience it over and over and again...many, many times before it will feel safe to let it in. It is as simple, and as difficult as learning to play a musical instrument...a matter of doing something the wrong way so many times, until your brain figures out the "right combination" and can respond the way you need, and that is appropriate. Slow but steady wins the race...every time. So I applaud your courage in pursuing the goal of allowing another to...Read More...

MONTE!!!!!!! It is so good to see you back I hope you will stick around and post lots more about how you're doing and how your therapy is going - I really missed your posts (((((((( Monte ))))))) LLRead More...

Chiming in to say "not weird at all, Ninna." Particularly, for me, the issue of touch. I can only do it if my brain shuts down so that I'm not really present for the handshake or the hug, to say nothing of more intimate touch. I finally raised that issue with T, sharing with him an incident I posted about a few months ago where I wasn't expecting his proffered hand for a handshake and completely freaked out. We discussed the fear aspect and he held out his index finger asking me to touch...Read More...

No one ever "got" me. I feel intensely; no one understood the pain.Read More...

Hi AG. Thanks. From reading the excerpt from this book it sounds very interesting and look forward to reading it. Thanks again.Read More...

((( Liese )))- So rapt for you. Glad it worked out super duper well. Your T is a keeper.Read More...

((((JANE))))) What a beautiful and tender moment you described between you and equine T. That sounds like a moment to hang onto for a long time. I so relate to not wanting to go to the depths of the pain alone but being afraid to go there at all and the terrible bind that is. Did I say that right? I might have screwed that up but that is so often how I feel. How you said it described the feeling perfectly. I know I need to go there eventually with T but it's such a deep, intimate place to go...Read More...

((((STRM)))) Thanks for thinking this through with me. I'm sure everything is fine with T and I'm just freaking out after talking to Pdoc. At the end of my session on Monday, T was just smiling at me. When I asked him why, he said "because I feel connected to you and it makes me happy after all we've been through." I just have to focus on that. I thought therapy was only hard on me. When I used to have my little "crisis" and feel as though I had to run it never occurred to me that it was...Read More...

Hi Someone. It sounds like your pretty much prepared to get in there tomorrow and talk about some of these things. I hope the session goes well for you. Don't blame you for not feeling ok about sharing some of the things on your list - even with T. Maybe hitting her with a whole lot of things would be counterproductive (lol in my experience Ts don't seem able to deal with a deluge of stuff, they're more effective when you give them bite sized chunks of things to respond to). So if you stick...Read More...

Kashley, I certainly understand the desire to push when the clock is ticking down like that (I have spent all 25 years of my therapy impatient with my progress ) But I have to agree with Beebs that trying to move too fast actually slows you down. I also want to assure you that it won't be wasted or meaningless. It was really scary for me when my first T told me she was retiring as we were definitely not done yet. She had decided to go back to school and pursue a different career (for very...Read More...

JD it takes admin privileges to close a thread so it's either myself or Shrinklady. However if the author who started the thread deletes the first post the whole thread is deleted. However, this means you are deleting other people's post which by forum rules are owned by them. Hope that answered your question.Read More...

Forgetmenot, All of your questions are really good ones and take a lot of hammering out with your T. It took me a long time to get over my distrust. Hopefully it won't take you as long. xoxo Liese P.S. Yes, time and patience .. you got it!Read More...

Glad that you are going to continue therapy! I often get worried. 'I'm okay! Do I need therapy. Am I just being an irritating person to my T. Does all this really matter. What matters is earning a living, right? Setting up my life?' For the first time I'm giving myself a break in trying to define myself on the outer. Scary thing that. That too. Yes, showing a regard for the good things in life that we should be proud of and dealing with the inner pain/turmoil that comes out at times. For a...Read More...

(((YAKU)))(((DF))))((((AG)))) Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. It's hard for me to know what is going on exactly but I like to think that maybe I'm growing some new neurons. Yeah!!!! Yaku, That's interesting that your T said that you were in the past in the present. Yes. I think I understand that. DF, you really had me laughing with "only TWO places?" I love the way you describe all the things going on inside of you at once. I have that too but I'm not sure this is what...Read More...

Hugs JD - I am so glad that the on-call T and Eq T were there / are there for you and listened to you right when you needed them to. This pastor guy is an absolute creep who needs to be kicked out. You can't treat people like he has and then hide behind religion. Sending strength to you.Read More...

I love it here. I come here daily now. You guys really help me (even if not directly...just knowing that there are other people who know what this journey is like). It humbles me. Somedays: It is similar for me too I think. When I am low, I feel that everything hits me hard and it is a real struggle to get up and get on with my day. But when I'm okay, I can function. The detachments to people feel so natural to me, that I'm worried that I will never get through it. I do a lot of thinking and...Read More...

(((Yaku))) I'm so sorry to hear about how you are feeling Yaku. It must be so uncomfortable for you. Perhaps it is to do with overwhelming anxiety about what went on? Perhaps you are entering depression in new ways because of what went on. Your body cannot process it all at once? It might be trying to go into 'numb' mode. You might be having to deal with a lot more than you are perceiving and as a result, you are going into some sort of 'mode' to be able to handle the feelings.. I am very...Read More...

I would love to have a parenting thread, but I would feel too exposed discussing it here in such an open forum. While I value my privacy, I value my kids privacy even more, and would be terrified if someone I knew read here and put two and two together! how would a closed forum for parenting issues be on here, I wonder? Let me know if you find a good place, SG! BeebsRead More...

Ahhh tygr - sounds like you are being too hard on yourself re jobs. You're struggling with stuff - it takes its toll and means you aren't in a position to be as good at work as you would like. Be kind to yourself about that - don't let it become another stick to beat yourself with! Sorry - lecture over!! Reading back I was in a way good mood last time I posted!! But yep my therapist is ace. I'm so lucky with her. It's still tough at times though (bit harder at the mo) and I would much rather...Read More...

Thanks. I had no idea and I never saw the movie. No I get it.Read More...

Jane, thanks for sharing. The above is exactly how I feel. Luckily, a lot of what I had been experiencing calmed down after we had my last, very long session, all about sharing those memories. I still have some other unresolved stuff, but I'm not having attacks of physical pain and flashbacks often throughout my weeks like I was.Read More...

HI ND, I felt really scared for a long time too to be angry at my T. Even the anger I tapped into recently was from one and two years ago. It's very hard, IMO. So don't be too hard on yourself. This October will be 4 years that I'm with my T and it's taken me this long to get to this point. But then again, I could be unusual in that way. But I very often felt like you, that he would leave me or not want to work with me if I was angry at him. I know now that everything is okay. Can you talk...Read More...

Thank you so much for all the feedback and support. My mood has plummeted the past few days. All sorts of negative thoughts and impulses are raging inside me. I've had almost 4 months to work on this goodbye, but I don't feel ready. So much of my therapy the last 4 months have been directed at some big issues and my falling apart about him leaving. I don't have anyone irl to tell about this. Again, thank you all so much. This is a great place and I hope to become more involved with the...Read More...

Yeah, Liese...it seems so impossible sometimes, doesn't it? Luckily, I am not faced with the full brunt of it. T couldn't do a full double tonight. He had to change it last minute due to a calendaring error, so I will probably get 1:15 to 1:30. It doesn't sound like Wednesday was open. He is offering me an extra long Friday at his other office, unfortunately during the day (which is really hard for me for very specific reasons)...but he kindly informed me that it was working out, because he...Read More...

AG! Brilliant. Just brilliant. LOVE the explanation of transference. It makes perfect sense to me...especially the starving dog being thrown steak. That's me! HG--I totally saw my transference quickly transfer onto three different people in a period of 4 years. First it was my OB/GYN. I was totally obsessed. Then it was a colleague, and now it's T. I seem to only feel it strongly towards ONE person at a time. But, as AG said--I am so glad it is with T now so I can figure all of it out. PHEW!Read More...