I have called the crisis hotline on several occasions, most recently last April. It was a very bad time for me- issues with abandonment, abuse, transference. I tried all day to reach my T and at 9 PM I called the crisis line. It helped me a lot. I had turned his lack of response into more abandonment- not being important enough, etc. The crisis line helped me look at the reality. The guy even said, maybe his kid's are sick, etc. My T ended up texting me at midnight. Calling a crisis line...Read More...

Monte, thanks for saying that you see true caring in my T's caution. I just feel like a big bag of needs with holes all over. The needs are just flowing out those holes and T's jumping this way to get away from me and jumping that way to get away from me. I remember going to a psychic years ago and she told me that I have an odor (a bad one) only men can smell and she wanted to sell me a soap to bathe in that would get rid of the odor. It makes me sad that even back then, it was so obvious,...Read More...

Someone, I know how much it hurts and how bad the rejection feels. My T doesn't hug or hold hands either. I went through a long period when I felt as though I just wanted to hire someone to hold me while I cry, that that would be sooo healing. Now I can kind of stand back a little and just feel a bit sad that's it's something I can't have right now. It feels too vulnerable to ask. Maybe when you feel a little less vulnerable you can bring it up. But you shouldn't worry about your T shifting...Read More...

GG, I know its not easy to consider looking for a new T and I also know that the thought of being abandoned by T is even scarier....but it really sounds like she has already abandoned you, and continues to do so, in so many ways. You are in this ongoing painful reenactment of abandonment with your T. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to start looking for another T, to have one in place as a possibility just in case things do not work out with T. You might find in your search for a new T that there are...Read More...

This is really interesting to me and I can relate. Sometimes other people change (like your mom) and they can be in tune with your needs - even in they are not expressed. Sometimes, those people that change slip back into their old ways and it may feel all too familiar. I am trying to be in the moment without judging it or trying to figure it out. Maybe that will help you a little bit because there really isn't an answer. It is moment to moment. Hope this helps.Read More...

I never really did the processing you guys do with my T, cause I don't have a lot of invasive memories or anything- but I remember distinctly the sensation of being sooooo sleepy in response to...what? I have no idea. It happened at times with my SD too. Like instantly- just a very strong desire to fall asleep. strange. I also have the supermarket zombie disease. haha, I avoid shopping because it is inevitable, and my H won't even *let* me go in alone anymore, because I will be found...Read More...

kick stuff really hard! Kicking works for me when my anger, which My T and now a new T I've seen a few times too, seem to think is turned inwards- comes out now and then. I have an old dryer in my back room that I kick really hard every once in awhile when it comes out. Cushions didn't work for me cause for some reason I need to hear a loud noise, or see a result (something denting, for example) Works cause it is harmless and no one gets hurt with my mean words that I want to say or mean...Read More...

9pm. So, will probably have to wait. I know he won't tell me not to process it, but I also know from experience that he'll need to wrap up by 10:30 at the latest and he is usually running late, so that means an hour or maybe 1:15 at the most. This is not something I feel certain I can process (even parts of) and ground from in that amount of time. Ugh, I don't know how I am going to make it through the next 22 hours. I feel like I am spinning right now...just terrified for some reason. I...Read More...

I so can not ask for what I need. At all. And it infuriates me! I mean, I know what to do, I just can't do it!! It hasn't gotten better since my T gave me permission to need her and call and so on, it seems instead like it's gotten worse. I'm sure it's part of the process, but it is a tough thing for me to handle. I've been trying to stay off of the interwebs so I stay a little more focused on myself. While that is a little helpful, it is really isolating. I hope that I push myself to the...Read More...

You guys gave me such much helpful information. It was all so great. STRM, I am on 300 mg but don't know what manufacturer. It's definitely a generic. That's so interesting that who the drug is manufactured by can make a difference. I started out on 75 mg, 3x a day for a grand total of 225 mg. I then go the extended release tablet of 300 mg. The NP was worried that the 300 mg would be too much but it seemed as though the only other option would be to prescribe something to take twice a day...Read More...

((AG)) ((kashley)) ((yaku)) ((justmaybe)) Thanks so much for the responses. I can't type much right now so will have to respond in more detail later. But I have been reading and thinking and I'm really hopeful and your responses helped me look at this differently. I see my eq t again tomorrow - and I'm a little scared and yet looking forward to it too... will typoe more later...Read More...

FOT, I hope you did decide to keep your appointment after all, just wondering how everything is going? LLRead More...

My T explained this to me once, but I'm going on memory here. When the other defenses fail which are fight, flight or freeze then submission becomes the last defense in order to stay alive. If you fight when it is too dangerous you could end up hurt more. If you can't flee then you might freeze, but if freezing fails you are out of defenses to it no longer makes sense to use any 3 of those because you could end up in worse shape.Read More...

I'm glad to read this. Good luck and come back here to let us know how it went.Read More...

Hm this topic has me divided. On the one hand I recognize that using the concept of ‘inner child’ can be helpful in learning to separate out and understand the different and often conflicting things that go in our heads, on the other hand I’ve never been able to get my head around this idea of there being a separate ‘part’ that is not me. For instance I would never be able to talk about a part of me that is ‘her’ or ‘she’, it’s all me/I (even though there are times I would very much like it...Read More...

Hi Nobeldaughter, I really just want to agree with everything BG said (she's a smart dinkum-thinkum! ) BPD is easy to confuse with complex PTSD as there is a lot of symptom overlap. And either way, at best, diagnoses are only a way to label something, but does not change the reality of what you need to do to heal. It's not what or who you are. Try not to spend too much time getting hung up on it. (My T hates diagnoses and only uses them for insurance purposes. His take is that each person is...Read More...

Thanks. He said he'd rather deal with the administrative stuff via text, because he didn't want any of my session time wasted on it. So, we talked about it a bit, but only the difficult feelings it brought up around needing help and how I was trapped with both yes and no being scary and painful. It sounds like he will call, although I'm not sure, and we'll see what happens. He tried to act positive about me having another option (for our financial situation or eventually if I feel I have...Read More...

Jane, I felt sad reading your post. I'm feeling the same way right now. I reached the goal I had when I went into therapy (simply, 'to stop crying'), but it seems that I "should" have more goals....why do I feel this way, because of my T's judgements about my life, some of which I agree with. I have new goals, therefore, that developed through this past year of therapy. I feel like I can't achieve them, though, so I feel like therapy is over for me. My T said she hasn't given up on me,...Read More...

Hi Sea-Green, I agree with LadyGrey that these feelings are normal and worth exploring with your T. I too have had 'irrational anger' toward my T (like getting angry she emailed me from her iphone or getting angry at her for having a cup of coffe during our session!!)...sometimes I bring it up with her and explore it and this has helped immensely to 'normalize' my feelings and/or help me judge my feelings less....I also think that if you switched to a female T that these issues (anger,etc)...Read More...

Thanks for the suggestion LG. I find it so much easier to drink my calories rather than eat them, but according to my doctor, that isn't good enough. I had 3 smoothies today - nearly 40 grams of protein between the three, and enough calories, I hope, to balance the 20 minute workout I did before dinner. Sigh.... It's just been one of those days where NOTHING feels right, I'm so glad it's just about over.Read More...

I disasociate but I would have no idea on naming anything. I am not DID. I am not certain I would even understand what I was naming. Good luck with it.Read More...

Thank you for your response Yaku. I really appreciate your thoughts on this. I agree with you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being attached and it can be a healthy and healing experience and I admire therapists that can embrace the attachment in order to help the client. My old T knew how strongly I felt about her as I would tell her in my own way but I guess we never really discussed it anymore than just to acknowledge it. I don’t plan on ignoring the feelings I have as I know...Read More...

((((( Flutterby )))) thanks! Hm I was just rereading my little list and I came across a contradiction - which seems to have opened up a bit of a can of worms for me. It's where I'm going on about T never assuming s/he knows more than the client about anything. When I wrote that I meant it, but now I realize that I ALSO expect a T to definitely know more about a whole lot of things than I do, especially to do with feelings and how therapy works and stuff about me that I'm not aware of but is...Read More...

Lol TN you're the furthest from crazy that I can think of You got a good point there, that the POOF fear may very well be getting in the way of my attaching. I guess the sad bit is that I don't know what it's like to feel attached, and actually have no desire whatsoever to do so I sort of see it like, getting all the emotional things I need, without my having to GIVE anything in exchange (having spent my life feeling like I'm doing all the giving and getting bugger all in return, long...Read More...

For me, DV and therapy go hand in hand. All my issues for why I am in therapy are related to my abusive relationship with my husband. It would work well for me to have a subforum.Read More...