Well, I took the step of letting him know in a journal entry that I WANT to discuss these attachment feelings and my inner Kiddo's desire to have him be closer. Now, I most likely can't escape it. The way I am looking at it now is that there is no way out but through. Either I can stay in this injured place and try to repress and ignore it to the best of my ability, disconnecting from so many other things (and relationships) in the process...or I can push through these death-like feelings...Read More...

I'm so proud of your courage and happy that T was able to meet you and be present when you needed her. That is big! ((((((((Jane)))))))))Read More...

AG...I'm right there with you! I'm certain my T probably goes to Costco to buy Kleenex by the pallet after dealing with me. Crying is one thing I can do quite well.Read More...

Thank you for sharing further - everyone draws hope from your story! Thank you also for your offer TN - maybe one day? Best back MorgsRead More...

Unfortunately, this didnt come up in my next session, it appears my subconscious wanted to deal with another issue, so we did and very satisfying that turned out to be, even though it took be completely by surprise, but thats psychoanalytic therapy for you.Read More...

Thanks STRM. It feels like my body is going through all this stuff and my mind is just giving up and checking out - and then going too fast - and I hope I can find some middle ground soon. Thanks so much for the encouragement. ~~~ hmmm, I wonder if this is why my Ts steadiness is so helpful and grounding for me right now. It's such a contrast to the roller coaster I feel like I am on. The more steady and present she is, the easier it is to just hang on through the pain somehow. hanging for...Read More...

I didn't get a chance to read all the messages, but got the point that many of you took what I wrote about hugs in a negative context. Let me clear the air - that was not what I was saying at all. It struck me how people can see what isn't there based on their personal outlook and the day they are having. I have ALWAYS made it my intention to be positive on this forum and have never criticized the help I have received. In fact it was me who actually ASKED for a hug from you and got them!Read More...

Hi PF, I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner...I needed to "recover" a bit after my session yesterday. We didn't discuss anything about what I've said here on the thread, but that's partly a good thing, since it means I'm still working on giving the relationship time to build and for my trust to build before I say much else about my coping mechanisms. Ugh. A food diary sounds dreadful, although I'm sure the day will come when my T will ask me to keep one as well. Ok, I lied. We did talk about...Read More...

Glad you are (at least sounding like) you are going! I'm sure it will be so good to see your T2. I just have to make it 22 hours until I can have phone session with my T.Read More...

R2G, I've been in that numb place before and it really sucks! It's like feeling like a corked bottle that is all shaken up, but you can't uncork it and let the pressure out. The good news is that eventually you will be able to let some of it out. Hopefully slowly and gradually so it won't be too overwhelming. I don't think it's sad that you are looking forward to having more support. It sounds like you could really use it. Hang in there!Read More...

Hi Quilter, Sorry I am late to the discussion but do you mind if I toss something into the mix? You're reaction makes total sense to me if viewed through a lens of disorganized attachment. We are biologically driven to seek out our attachment figures to meet our needs, the drive becomes especially strong when we are in distress. My T calls what you're talking about "the bind" our desire to move closer for connection and comfort and our absolute terror at getting it. A long time ago we...Read More...

My T1 said there wasn't anything she could do to report someone. I didn't ask why, but maybe it has to do with how many years have passed or perhaps it is indeed related to confidentiality, but she did say she wouldn't be able to tell anyone.Read More...

I sent the PM to the MyShrink Editor, because I thought that was the right one to do. I haven't been around long enough to know there was a separate Shrinklady account to send to. I got a PM responding to that today and have been given access.Read More...

thanks so much everyone. Your acceptance of me in this has helped me have more courage to accept myself and face this. I find that today, it's like I want to hide from the fact that I posted about this and that it is going on for me now! Yes, I want to hide from the hiding. shiesh. But I'm not going to. I think I'm going to ask my T if there is something we can do to explore this more... Maybe find something I can do with my hands with the intention to focus on this stuff. I love the pottery...Read More...

Beebs, Thinking of you. LieseRead More...

she seems to be a very attuned T...love it. Thanks for sharing R2G!Read More...

Hi Liese, This is actually a really complex question - it's not surprising it feels confusing. Does your T tell you directly that he doesn't bring up issues unless the client brings them op themselves? There could be all kinds of reasons why a T would deal only with the presenting problem: 1) They don't know there are other problems (remember Ts are *not* psychic, despite sometimes seeming that way) 2) They don't feel the client is ready to look at the bigger/deeper problems 3) They feel the...Read More...

I think perhaps T is just making sure the transference doesn't turn into erotic transference. Perhaps she's had experience in the past where a client misinterpreted a hug. Anyway, I think this has little to do with you and has more to do with her not wanting to feel as though she is sending the wrong messages.Read More...

I'm so glad the mediator affirmed that you deserve to be treated better! I am sorry it is such an unnecessarily complicated process and that the insurance company seems to see this as an opportunity to undermine you further. I hope as you recover from the stress of the experience, you will be able to hold onto the fact that objectively, YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT and you deserve the care you are receiving. The fact that you were able to make it through this meeting shows that you...Read More...

I often give my T thank yous. Only once or twice have I been able to muster my ability to say those words directly to him in a heartfelt way, for the depth of everything he is giving. However, when he said he would like to see my journals, I started writing little prefaces to the journal entries I email and including a quick little blurb that is a direct note to him, and usually express my deep thanks for how considerate and careful he is with me. Sometimes I text thank yous as well. These...Read More...

Awww, Sadly. Maybe you could write and ask him about it. What it made you think, but you were afraid of misinterpreting things? That might be a bit scary, I know. I keep saying how I want T to come sit with me and put an arm around me or give me a hug, but in the end, if he went 99.99% of the way and expected me to be the one to initiate it, I'm not sure I could. That .01% chance of rejection feels like a thousand tons crushing me.Read More...

Yay!!! That's a great thing to be right about. I'm happy for you.Read More...

BB - You have said that emails you've written your T could be changed a bit and be written to your H or parents. I'm wondering if that (transference) is what is responsible for you projecting with him so much more than with SD. For example, I am almost as open with my pastor as I am with my T, but my T has this whole channeling fatherly energy thing going on and so there is so much more "gravity" in my relationship with him. So, not only do I project more often, but they are so strong. The...Read More...

Hi Caeti, I am on a few of the same ones as you, I take 50mg Seroquel at night (good for sleeping), Clonazepam .5mg morning and lunch and 2mgs at night. I also take 50mg largactil at night at 200mgs of Pristiq in the morning. I am not sure what the Buspar is, is that an anti-depressant or a sedative? I have heard of the citalopram. The Seroquel is very good for anxiety and so is the Clonzaepam. I find it hard to wake up in the morning but if I have a shower as soon as I get up I feel...Read More...

Thanks for the reassurance, you guys. H can be very judgmental about strange things, considering he can be very weird himself. I do feel like I want to be as transparent with H as possible. H says he doesn't really care, as long as I know I CAN be. T thinks that me doing that is very good. I told T, frankly, that because I am being so vulnerable with him (T), I want to make sure that I am being equally or more vulnerable with H to preserve my emotional intimacy. There is a lot of hurt over...Read More...