yes it is anger at the fee, melba, i've put in one year one to two times a week at $125 to $150 an hour, most one and a half hour appointments, you do the math, i can't take it. i know it takes time, but geez, WHEN!?!?!?!?! and LL, glad you relate, i actually printed that out and wrote a few more thoughts and plan to read it next time, so t gets the jist of my frustration. and psychology?? sorry, but it is NOT a consumer friendly business, in my opinion. and in my experience. i have yet to...Read More...

Thank you everyone for saying that you are not sorry when I post. That helped to hear. I just feel like I'm so depressed, bitter and useless that I should just stay away from OF. JD... thank you for all those kind words and thoughts about who I am. I'm not sure they are true but it's nice to hear. I'm not sure about the strength as I feel like I'm running on fumes these days... there is nothing left inside of me. Like I'm slowly fading away. I wish I could believe that my T didn't lie to me.Read More...

LL, as much as i WANT to think about therapy all the time...and i do...i try to do other things, because it makes me feel worse to obsess. one t, (there have been so many i forgot who) told me to put that energy into something constuctive, and as much as i HATE that kind of advise, secretly, i try to....but i will never give the t credit for it, if you know what i mean. mad four year old speaking. but, do something GOOD for YOU!! a manicure/pedicure...flowers for the house. get dressed...Read More...

Lizzygirl...all I have to say about recieving a gift from your therapist.....(imagine your best Napolean Dynomite voice/temperment).... Lucky HalsRead More...

Hi LL, Sorry it's been a few days. I think I'm okay with the possibility of other people hearing me so long as I never see them and never find out who they are! Even then... I had a session yesterday, and we were in the other office again, but there wasn't anyone having a session next door, so it was quiet. It was a million times better. I think my next session will be back in my T's regular office, though, which is actually a big relief now that I think about it. I'm sorry I haven't been...Read More...

Hi JaneDoe, One way to go about it would be to think and express what you 'feel' when confronted with your Ts question. What comes to your mind in this situation ? Basically trying to identify and then analyse what is stopping you from trusting, in this case, your T.Read More...

Thank you SG, for your thoughtful reply and for offering such encouragement. It is true that what I am seeing is very unfamiliar to the truth I thought that I knew. I resist making the change for fear I am just seeing things. I think it is good that you could tell your therapist that you are essentially performing for him and that you have not reached the root of the issues. I think it is so hard with T because we don't get to know what it is they are thinking or if we are working from the...Read More...

JD - So sorry to hear how these people are treating you. Don't worry about your response, it happens and you had every right to "lose it" for a moment. Now you can take your deep breaths and look at it more calmly right? These people don't know what they are talking about and are probably pencil pushers who think more of themselves than they should! Sorry, it just ticks me off when someone does something like this. Anyway, try to remain calm and breathe. Talk to your T again calmly and just...Read More...

forlorn, your list is truly beautiful, and i want all of those things, too, and i have asked the same question, and wonder, going into most appointments, what do i need this for??? i still ask it, i hate to trigger you by agreeing, but, i wonder it daily. i don't really have an answer, except for i know there is one thing preventing me from doing these things, and that is FEAR. fear of sadness, fear of risk, fear of letting anyone know the real me, fear of being excluded, fear of fear. i...Read More...

Thanks Shrinklady! I've gained so much from this site - I'd be glad to donate to help cover the costs. Thanks for shouldering the expense for so long. I dunno where I would have ended up if it wasn't for running across this site, and this community!Read More...

I like that quote, LL. If only we can stay rational and composed at the same time. deeplyrootedRead More...

good point Jones! although, sometimes, I still do need a good kick in the pants...Read More...

PG, Oh yes, I know what you mean! I have many intermingling issues and it's like once that can of worms is open then they all come flooding out. It's not that I'm trying to go too fast, but rather it all seems to be so interconnected that I can't stop it once it starts. However, with my T's help, I am able to take little small pieces of it and work on them slowly and not have to go in there and bite off an entire chunk all at once. Something that I found helpful in the beginning of talking...Read More...

You are very welcome! Thanks for keeping us posted, as well... BBRead More...

Wow, jill...I think that was a pretty insightful response. I think that UV is onto something here, with the laughter at her dad's yelling, and the laughter at the heart texts. There is something in that, really important. And,interestingly it's exactly the kind of thing that (angry) 12 year olds do. I did not know it was possible to get "stuck" at an age developmentally...and I would love some more info or your thoughts on that, since I often get the impression that I am a kid in an an...Read More...

on that note, my dbt t said that 'all of us' have features and traits of personality disorders...i looked shocked at her, she said, "yes, most people are a little bit narcissistic, or a little ocd, or paranoid, or something." i was still so shocked to hear that, that i didn't really commment, i don't know her aim, probably to impart truth...i don't think she was lying, just kind of normalized 'my issues' a bit. she did agree that i have borderline issues...but not full blown disorder. not...Read More...

Hi, Deepfried...yeah, I can get that...my experinece of it is a bit different, because, for some reason I can accept that the two things I am doing are related, but different, so I don't know why, but it is easier to keep it kind of separate. My main problem seems to be, how much should I talk about therapy with my SD, and how much should I talk about SD with my therapist? that part I am finding hard pressed to deal with, since so much of my problems in therapy are somehow spiritually...Read More...

((((((((((draggers))))))) (((((((((((draggers)))))))))) (((((((((((draggers)))))))))) ((((((((draggers)))))))))))) ((((draggers)))) (((((((((draggers))))))))) Sorry Teta...your thread was the only place I could do it! Hugs for you too! (((((Teta))))) BBRead More...

Hi Sheychen, I haven't had a chance to say hi, welcome to the forums! Thanks so much, I'm really glad to hear that my posts are helping you. It's a long difficult journey to heal from this kind of abuse and attachment injury and I was confused for most of it. It can be really painful, confusing work but you can heal. I am so sorry to hear about your last therapist and how he exploited you for his own needs. It's just repeating the abuse all over again. As incredibly frustrating and painful...Read More...

mac- thanks for that. i appreciate it. its helpful. have a good day.Read More...

Thank you again for the kind words. I must forewarn you, I am in a l o w mood today, and have been since last night. I am having a "I am so tired of living" kind of day. Don't worry, I am not suicidal, just...tired. Tired of money-or lack there of, tired of feeling like I am on a time frame no matter what I do, while "j" can go and come when ever he pleases- is gone for hours and i have no idea of where he is. Tired of never having gas in the car because he and his 'friends' run it out.Read More...

Hi Frog, thanks for answering! I'm really sorry ablout your accident, are you ok mow??? Missing that last app must have been gutting! And you're absolutely right, I will of course talk to him about it. For me that's the main point. Sorry if that wasn't clear. But I'm still thinking leaving people on their own for 6 weeks is a bit much without getting the context. I mean, would you do that to a dog??? Great you have your t back now! sbRead More...

Lamplighter..again How come you be so sweet? Thanks for being so warm and generous with me... maybe you should become a T yourself? Guess you would find youself trapped in intense love-transference projections from your patients.. hehe . Well, OK- your questions: (thanks for asking btw) - Yep. My T is a psychoanalyst. But he likes to think of him self as an "mix"- whom also uses a psychodynamic approach. - when it comes to "getting lost in real life" its rather for me like i "got lost in...Read More...

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I agree with dragonfly, you might be surprised if you did ask him. I understand that is such a vulnerable place to be in, but you never know what he might say. ((((lizzygirl))))Read More...

Aw thanks Draggers! Your support is amazing. Ha ha everyone can blame you for encouraging me, now that I seem to be back and posting again. Yeah psychodynamic therapy seems to be the way to go - i'd never really heard of it let alone considered it before joining this forum - I am so glad you guys are here. LLRead More...