Hello Jackson and welcome to the forum! I’m glad you brought this thread up as the whole issue of male v female Ts has been dogging me again. Thank you for sharing your story - I’m sorry you have suffered abuse in the past and I’m glad you’ve had relationships with Ts that have been supportive and caring - facets of therapy that seem to be in short supply right now! (I’m referring to the many sad stories of rupture and termination that have been unfolding this month.) Your progress reminds...Read More...

good information, uv. i think my termination meets none of the criteria of a properly handled termination. i will deal with this all later, but thanks. helpful to know. jillRead More...

zimmy, this is all just transference stuff speaking to you. i am NOT trying to minimize the ALARM you are feeling, but, hoping to let you see some perspective. i don't intend to not be KIND, but, i have had some real TERRORS lately, that, fortunately, my husband has been able to tell me i have gone down the TRANSFERENCE/MOMMY ISSUES ALARM TRAIN, that it ISN'T the reality i am attributing it to. i've been there, in tears last week with the same stuff (and i am more than twice your age...) so...Read More...

ok, my first dream interpretation. i won't bore you with the details, but NEVER have i remembered a dream. and i did this am, about the pa guy i talked to (as mom) and he was uncaring, detached, preoccupied as my mom was. i wrote it all down. so much was a mirror, and easy even for me to interpret,anyway, i am intrigued, and may go this way for awhile. still pondering, but, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....my unconsciuos has a lot to say. jillRead More...

no, you sound healthy. i got a double dose of guilt plus some growing up...guilt and obligation were my mom's favorite tools to keep me in line. i've learned something too, maybe harmless banter with no goal in mind is ok? i don't know. harmless banter, in my single days with a man, lead to sex. and i liked it that way. mmmmmm jillRead More...

y'no? i have a good friend who is a MSW and her husband a psychiatrist, and there are some real LEGAL issues with what she did to me. are y'all aware of this type thing?? we have more rights to humane treatment than i realized, in fact, she could create a case, she thinks for rebate of dollars spent and her unethical termination. anyone have experience here?? she is really buttoning up her stuff, but i have a BIG MEMORY OF UNMET PROMISES...got really good at that as a child, could not...Read More...

janedoe, feel free to pm me if it would help. i get the shivers at times and it helps to go outside, (pop an anxiety med or a beer...or both...oops!) when i was spinning over the t3 giving me the boot, i kept telling myself she is just ONE person in this BIG world and certainly ONE person i hardly know couldn't be that important, and to recognize it for what it really pulled on, and that was the attachment stuff. can you determine what this is really about?? can you look out at the stars in...Read More...

thanks strummergirl, i am going there now, and STRM, yes, a break actually feels pretty good. i have been playing golf and tennis and just hanging it up for awhile. i am interviewing, slowly a few therapists, but won't start til after kids get in school. funny, i don't think i feel the deperation i have felt. i think my sixth sense knew she was insincere. a stinky phoney with no compassion...fake. and smelly (ok, little five year old jill, can it with the body odor comments!!)Read More...

Dear JaneDoe...I am beyond sickened and horrified to read how you have been treated...but I am also SO GLAD you shared it and didn't keep it all locked up inside you, so can hear over and over again how you really were the one wronged in every way. I agree with everything that's already been said. You are none of the negative words you used for yourself, it hurts to even think about saying them in relation to you so I don't even want to type them. Hmm, that's weird...I was just picturing how...Read More...

Thank you so much ForlornRead More...

jane, sis, provo girl, and draggers...still can't talk about it. thanks for caring, wish SHE did, but y'alls support is so helpful do you ever feel you are surrounded by support and love, but that the people who care, CAN'T heal you, and the people who CAN heal you just f-ing don't care!!?? that is where i am parked today. thanks for caring, friends!! jillRead More...

Jill, I dissociate often in sessions. T is always asking - where are you going and I have to make an effort to come back at times. I can also relate to the feeling of watching the abuse happen - from above. I suspect I spent a lot of time dissociated as a child. I was very often accused of daydreaming and even had my hearing tested several times in elementary school. We have done some hypnosis/guided imagery - I am unsure if there is and what the difference is really. We have talked about...Read More...

DF I am sorry that happened to you (((DF))) I can imagine how it might occur though, as the feelings of being very young are so overwheming and real, and if you're adding terror into the equation too, well then it's perfectly understandable. But I can imagine how hard that would have been for you. Many adults in terror-filled situations do likewise, without even regression playing its part. Well that makes me even more glad that you have Faith, from what you have ever posted about her I...Read More...

Jill: I am sorry to hear that your T had hurt and invalidated you...that sucks....this seems to be an all too common experience in therapy.... I like how Forlorn brought up the human defence...While for the most part, in my 11 year therapy run, the sessions progressed rather smoothly, I can remember feeling so hurt by her actions once that I thought that was it.... no more therapy for me...when she apologized I wondered whether it was sincere....she brought the human defence into the...Read More...

MH, i wasn't ranting for someone to answer me here, but i appreciate your answer, i was more ranting that of the four discussion groups in the general area, i was the last poster, and i was feeling like i talk too much!! more being funny, than asking for an answer on this one thread. but yes, what you said about provoking you, your t, sometimes she says something that might anger you...hmmm, that is not her reason for saying it. i guess she is innocent but being truthful, so, sounds fair to...Read More...

Yeah, those two quotes make my think of my P which is why I use them. The first about the love we cant have hurting the most and lasting the longest is so true and the way I feel about my P is going on 12 years now and has been the most painful thing ever. And the second one is something I try to remember when it comes to my P because I know he cant love me the way I want him to but he does love and care about me in every way that he can. It doesnt make it any more easier to deal with...Read More...

Yes, I agree! Thank you!Read More...

I tried to post a response twice before but my internet connection frooze each time. Hopefully this time this works! (sorry about the long delay) Thanks for the feedback and responses and encouragement. I had another session with the equine T and your responses all stuck with me. I'm still rpocessing what happened - but whoa, it was cool. And ok. safe. I said what I liked. Jill ~ It is a therapy where there is tons of transference. I just realized that when I read your response. After my old...Read More...

FOT, I'm sorry. I have a close friend in this battle at the moment too. I wish you and your friend peace. Ariel, thank you for your thoughts. What you say about keeping vigil is a big question in my life and one I don't have answers for. Your words have given me a different perspective to think from. I'm glad the image of two tracks is helpful to you - I will think of it for you too. Smiley, thank you so much for putting words to your thoughts about this. It's helping me to shift out of my...Read More...

UV, I didn't realize something until this morning and I want to apologize. I went very left brain, providing a list of standards, and definitions and giving you a bunch of references. I did not however at all address any feelings involved. So I just want to tell you that I'm sorry you had to endure all this as a child from the people who should have protected you and taken care of you. You deserved so much better than you got and I'm sorry I neglected to say that earlier. AGRead More...

beautiful stuff, deeplyrooted. yes, the what if thinking, that is childlike, and thinking that things will ONE DAY all be perfect. letting go of all that makes such logical sense, and i know that logic is only a part of the battle. the emotions come much slower. i guess, integral for me, is whenever the emotions in the house were even slightly off, bad things happened. and i don't even know quite what all happened. i hid alot, so i just remember slamming doors and that kind of things was the...Read More...

thanks bb. we had SOOOOOOOOOO much other stuff, still trying to wrap up my response to Dr. SLeepy who fell asleep in session two (t2), to begin the volumous amounts of problems i have with T1. but, i think that will happen soon. nice idea, though, to preface it with my fear, and kindof let her decide. she is a tiger, tho. really states boundaries for me with my life, in that directional kind of way that seems like you came up with the idea...i think that socratic line of questions. good...Read More...

So I "told" her. As she read it, I uncomfortably shuffled next to her. And when she was done she just said "was that what you've been wanting to telling me?" I said, don't just say "it happens, I hate that." and she said she would not say that because it's not always something that happens to everyone. But she did not freak and we did NOT talk about it much after that. I steered the conversation to other things for the rest of the session. But stupid me, I totally got distracted and forgot...Read More...

ps, you say that you knew something like this would happen...did you expect that it would become a relationship that was based on you meeting her needs, you mean, or do you mean something else? The short answer to your question "does that not say something about me?" is that yes, in fact it DOES say something about you...something that you probably need to find out about slowly under the guidance of a caring therapist who is there for YOU, to help you do that...the long answer to your...Read More...

Hi think tank Actually I don't think it's the driving that bothers me, fine in heavy traffic etc,don't really mind that at all - it's just that I can't be certain I'll go the right way if given directions a bit last-minuteish!! My husband is very used to me now, always jokes that he should just say the complete opposite of where we need too turn, and we'd just get there fine!! starfishRead More...