RT, I asked about the painting today that I did not take off the wall.......SHIT......he gave it away during down-sizing and re-arranging a lot of stuff. I thought he was going to say he gave it to another client.....he gave it to the local charity store. I drove as fast as I could over to the store....BOO HOO. Someone else bought it. Oh well. I'll get something, eventually, from this guy!Read More...

((((SD)))) I couldn't handle the sense of powerlessness the relationship evoked for me and it was less painful for me to suffer the loss. Seeing T twice a week evoked longings that I couldn't work through because they were so intense and wouldn't let up long enough for me to create space in between them. I also couldn't, oddly, make the transition back to once a week but maybe that would be an option for u to give u the chance to have a break from the intensity. I wasn't able to work through...Read More...

Thank you very much for all your input. It has helped very, very much. Affinity, your post was spot on about slogging through. That's exactly what it feels like, and when it is unbearable...somethings changing; growth. I've always pushed through the pain and it is the healer. I keep forgeting that! Thank you. Liese, it is a huge trust issue and he will have "super" power over me to crush me. My own parents could not be trusted and my first T was arrested for multi-million dollar insurance...Read More...

Skylynx: Thank you for replying. To risk the interaction is terrifying...If he says something I don't understand I will not address it because it requires me opening up and being seen...Being seen is so difficult for me. I keep telling myself it will get better with time. T. Sp: He brought up last week how there are two parts of me...one part wants to be close and then the other part steps in and wants to protect the other part from getting close...this is when I just want to fight him and...Read More...

Google: what to say instead of "f*** off" I did. Lots of creative ideas! -RT PS - let us know how it goes when you have this conversation (unless, of course, you don't want to )Read More...

"transference facilitator" is a good word. and "they loooove" transference" is a good word, too. Maybe it feeds their vanity. I was at another forum where someone said that the T shouldn't say the cold fact that they can never be the father or mother, as it could cause a breakdown and panic episode. But instead the T should say they will support and help the patient with their inner child feelings. I felt this was a better way because my adult self knows I can't be my T's child, but it's my...Read More...

Thanks Daggers! . It's still hard knowing he offers to his other clients and he won't to me. All because I was honest how I felt when he didn't. But you are right I'll learn to ask others when I need help, because this I know I don't! Everyone on here is great! I just never have good advice to give yet....Read More...

LOL, Oh, gosh, SP, you are a super-hero. I was so lucky with Boo, other than she had a hard time latching at first, so I had to do a combination of expressing and using nipple shields until she figured out breastfeeding, but it worked out. As for nap routines, they were non-existent, but my little one seemed determined to sleep through the night as soon as she gained enough weight that the doctors would advised me I could let her do so. So, I figure my next one will be the opposite, lol. LG...Read More...

TAS, I was super-reluctant to take medication and was never going to until things became unbearable. I took medication for four years and it saved my life. Balanced me out and helped to heal by grounding me. It is a very personal decision. I agree with everything AG wrote. T did want me to go on meds again. I declined and have tried writing, breathing, walking, sharing, and do take xnanx when needed. I know I probably should go back on them, but do not like such powerful stuff in me. I have...Read More...

Ms. Control, I'm so sorry you have to go through this on the first try! I know something of the anguish, separation anxiety, and wondering what you might have done wrong. Believe me, it isn't you. A T should know how to deal with resistance and fear. If I had it to do all over, I would find out what school of therapy my T believed in, and how she/he intends to deal with transference or attachment problems. But, you know, it's so hard for people like us to even bring that up at the first...Read More...

Sky, I don't think you were cheating at all. I think what you did was a really good idea. Thanks everyone for all your input. I made it through my ten days away from him and am back, but showed up at session with a major attitude. I felt like I was ready to "end" our relationship because I made it through 10 days without him. Plus, he will be going across the world in a few weeks and I cannot handle this up and down stuff. I may have zero contact with him since the area is remote. I am...Read More...

Ms. Control, That's a great blog to go to for info. I am a big fan of Dr. Smith's as he does an excellent job of explaining therapy very clearly and without jargon. I do believe a connection with a new counselor would help. A lot of the reason our attachment mechanism's get so activated in therapy is the similarity in setup to the parental relationship. While they are not our parent, nor can they replace everything we didn't get, they are a caretaker who is attuned and focused on our needs,...Read More...

From articles I've read, the therapist gives the patient motherly love by being sympathetic and caring in the session, but the week you have to wait provides the "frustration" to make you deal with separation issues. That's what I've read. My problem is getting up the nerve to even ask for extra help, as my childhood was with caregivers who didn't want to be asked or bothered. I agree with catalyst that we need to ask and not assume. It's just a bummer to be so afraid to ask and risk being...Read More...

I am not sure why this makes the 3 years a lie? He has a private life you do not know about, but that's quite what a private life means. From your reaction, the issue of gender identity seems to be a sensitive point? If it is something that really disturbs you, you may want to bring up the topic with your T2, to see what precisely worries you?Read More...

I really appreciate all of your comments. Cat you have in-depth ideas, and Monte, you do too, and I see what you're trying to explain, believe me. I have this inner kid stuff very seriously and I hope, not sure, my T can handle it. There's been so much rejection in my early life that discussing this with T feels magically life threatening. You're so right BLT about the advice to be my own good parent. Yes, it's the child that hears it and sounds like we're being sent away! Yek!Read More...

sorry i am late in replying again, this week has totally killed me! hi ghost girl, nice to meet you! i'm sorry your T is/feels so 'unavailable', does she know you feel this way and is there anything she can do differently to make you feel like she is with you on this journey? because that is the whole idea of therapy after all, you are meant to be in it together. i hope it gets better for you. hey TN! thank you for that, it made me feel validated and then i also felt protective of my T, that...Read More...

Ms. Control, If I contact any professional on a Friday afternoon, I would not consider Sat and Sun as "part" of their response time, I would go by business days. I usually allow 24-48 hours as a reasonable response time for business issues. Therapists who work alone in private practice, I provide a little more leeway since 1)it is not unusual for private therapists to not work on Fridays' and 2) if they are on vacation and do not have any clerical staff, no one may be checking their...Read More...

Thanks SP Hope things are going ok for you too and you are coping ok. sbRead More...

I think Cat said it best:I don't think she'd be telling you that you can call if she didn't mean it. T can hold the boundaries for both of you.Read More...

My T's office is very businesslike and formal... except for his large bookcases. Filled with books but also on the shelves are gifts given to him by his clients. So I knew he would accept a small gift from me. I have given him a number of gifts, mostly to mark our anniversary when we met. Sometimes I bring him a small token from my vacations. I always keep it inexpensive and appropriate. It usually represents something in our relationship. Last year I brought him a small weathered gray stone...Read More...

Oh HIC, say it ain't so!Read More...

((((HELD)))) Nice to see you and thanks for your kind words. 6 years is a long time and you are right, I will have a lot of different feelings over the next few weeks/ months/years.Read More...

(((AG))) It was very helpful. When I am embroiled in that mucky place, I can only see the muck. An alternative explanation helps me to see beyond the muck and gives me hope that there IS another reality out there, a better, more stable, more compassionate reality. Thanks!!!Read More...

I can understand 100% the "this is not mine" feeling as I did it for 20+ years regarding abuse I suffered at the hands of another. And then I realised that, for me, it was denial of the worst kind. It was mine. In every conceivable sense. It happened. It happened to me. I was there. I saw it. I felt it, and suffered for it, then and for years later. Owning it WAS NOT accepting blame or responsibility for it. It took many years to realise this. and the dichotomy of this denial was in the fact...Read More...

(((Ninn))) Thanks for helping me not feel crazy. I wasn't sure whether anyone else would understand, which made it easier to talk to my T about today, and I got a lot of clarity out of that. I think I'll hold off on taking a break myself, simply because I will HAVE to take one coming up, so I want to take advantage of the time we have right now. (((Cat))) Thank you for sharing the ebb and flow thing. I realized, talking this out with my T today, that for a long time, I have felt I needed to...Read More...