Pippi, I'm so happy for you! It's wonderful to read such an amazing and upbeat post from you. It sounds like you made some great progress with your T and he responded to you really well! The beads sound like a great transitional object for you and I'm glad they are working so well. Keep up the good vibes and let us know how your session goes when you get back in to see your T again. You're doing great!! MTFRead More...

Yeah, where are you Monte? We're all missing you!! Come BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! MTFRead More...

Oh, that's so fantastic, Janedoe. I've ridden horses my whole life, but I don't have my horse with me now because of school, finances and other situations. It really is so therapeutic, and I miss riding so much. My horse is leased out to someone for now, and I have trouble even seeing pictures of him because it hurts so much! What I love about being around my horse is that I don't have to be anything I'm not. My horse and I figure things out together, and when things click, it's an amazing...Read More...

Good on you Lizzygirl! Not long to go now ... LamplighterRead More...

BB, I can come up with something, it may sound like a right thing to do, but, it's doesn't mean that I can follow my own advise. I know most of the time, what I should tell my T, but I don't always do. A year into therapy and I still didn't tell him much about some important heartbreaking events in my life. I imagine it is going to be heartbreaking kind of love so I try keep it at acceptable (for me) level. I already allowed it to be of slightly sexual shade, but not much. Just a tint. So it...Read More...

It's interesting. It happened to me twice that I got this noise in my ears for a very short while during the session. I don't know if this was anything that matters. I don't really know what disociation is, I don't think it ever happened to me. I am shaking sometimes when the feeling gets very strong, when I'm trying to say something and it's very, very hard to say. I think when it ever comes to the end, which I don't want and I don't expect to happen too soon, I would not want to call it...Read More...

I decided not to change P at this time. I'm going through some difficulty with medication and didn't think it would be a good time to change. However, I have decided that he is a dork and that I prefer to stay where I'm at. The drive isn't that bad, actually gives me some private thinking time away from my husband, gets me off the farm, and the reimbursement is about the same. Gas costs would be the only issue financially. My current P has been very supportive during my T vacation, pinch...Read More...

Strummergirl - your words really helped! thanks! I did! Still reading through and processing it - and I loved the Bonnie Raitt song! It reminded me of other songs and I put it and a some others on my MP3 player to help get my head to listen to some different voices than just my own spiral of ick! I read that and yeah, you are right... but then I think but I should have done this sooner or it's too little too late or... oh here I go again, down into the black hole of ick and hate. ugh. Yeah,...Read More...

Thanks SG. It's hard to imagine how next week's session will go when I feel like I have to pretend things are not an issue when they are. And because of this I don't feel safe discussing any of the other serious stuff. I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it, though. Things could change before the couples session and no one can stop me talking to my t in my session. And my work pressure will soon ease up, I will have more time and emotional energy. I n the meantime it feels...Read More...

skybarbie Sorry that your poll isn't applicable to me but so sorry to read on another thread that you had been affected by 9/11. I cannot imagine at all how awful that must have been at any level. I hope you find some support here. starfishRead More...

D, I feel such deep empathy for you and your struggle with flashbacks. I am so sorry someone perpetrated such evil against you and that you are left with such painful and terrifying experiences to work through. You are courageous in doing this difficult work. Can you explain what you meant by moving from the first phase to the second phase of therapy? This comment implies that there is an order to this very chaotic and unpredictable mess called recovery. deeplyrootedRead More...

(((((Smiley)))))Hang in there with us, ok? Keep reading and keep posting. I have been sharing my stuff gradually for about a year - little more maybe, and- there is an awful lot of genuine love and support here. You will be able to connect with some more than others, but no matter what- we all care, and some know exactly what is in your heart- because they know your pain. That is why this works. Stay connected- we love hearing about you and your journey. HelleRead More...

Hi Janedoe! Thanks for posting this. I was hoping you were going to give us a more detailed update on how things went at your counseling program! What you said about needing to be grounded in Stage 1 skills before moving on to Stage 2 makes a TON of sense. The specifics of my experiences are different than yours, but I very much recognize that basic principle over and over again in what has worked for me. Not only that, but I would also agree that some "Stage 2" stuff can get worked through...Read More...

Hey, sorry I have not been on here lately...things have been extremely crazy for me. I did see my psychiatrist yesterday and it went okay. I will get on later tonight and update with everything that is going on, but right now I have to go have dinner with a friend...but I am seriously about to loose it!Read More...

Monte, oh yes, the code of ethics contract... I suppose he has to oblige to some insurance policy and therefore has not much choice... but I hope with the right reason, right situation he would offer physical comfort. I know that my T was reading I. Yalom who advises to touch patients/clients. He refused to hug me recently, and I felt devasted. However he said it doesn't mean that he will never ever hug me again. I think he has his own agenda, that I don't understand. It's quite painfull at...Read More...

Thank you for the feedback, Blackbird and Seablue. It means a lot that you would read the post and take time to comment :-) I will try another session with this person and see where it goes. I will definitely keep "moving on from T #1" as a goal and will check out this cool forum now and again.Read More...

Don't sell yourself short, CT!! I'm sure you're beautiful. We all are!! We have just become our own worst critics and judges. So sad, too. Wow. I've been only just coming to grips with the emotional deprivation I suffered as an infant and young child (well, all my childhood, really) at the hands of an emotionally unavailable mother. It hurts a lot, and I've asked myself those same sorts of questions. I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's her issue, not mine, because as you so clearly...Read More...

I currently have a nurse practitioner that handles my meds, an individual therapist and a couples counselor. Naturally, they each handle different things, but I'm finding that I have some trouble keeping straight what topics I talked about with which therapist. My NP and individual T will communicate sometimes, and they seem to like each other reasonably well, which is good My T and my couples counselor know each other since the beginning of time (or so I was told) but I don't think they...Read More...

Who knows, maybe you'll start hating him once he starts to analyze all of the things you spill to him. Probably not, however. But on a more serious note, even though you do idealize him, you are still pursuing more sessions out of an identified need, which is all that matters. And it makes sense what you mean about reinforcing his "divinity." Because if you read and hear about others' experiences with their therapists, you can compare it to yours and ultimately decide that whatever your...Read More...

Lizzygirl... I think safe touch in therapy can be very effective as another way of communicating. A sort of non-verbal emphasis to what your T wants to say to you. I think what he did was very powerful because you heard his message about cutting both verbally in your logical left brain and also you "felt it" through his touch and that message got delivered through your senses to your right emotional brain. I'm so glad you took the step to share this with him via email. It's important that he...Read More...

Hi IHTS Yes, I believe they do screen folks for this course but they may be able to suggest alternatives if this particular course doesn't suit you. And I agree, it also looks er...a rather robust approach. My T suggested it to me as a possible addition/kickstart to dealing with some anger issues of mine. However, I'm not so sure though that I'd be any good, trapped in a group environment, for 8 whole days. I'm a born skeptic still coming to terms with my prejudices about the idea of being...Read More...

Dragonfly Heard all the excuses before but never blamed it on gills in the rectum !!! Not possible to beat apart from that I eat by putting 1 of my 2 stomachs outsidee of my body . . . .not something I should be proud of!! So won't tell my T about the lack of a centralised - brain but she probably knows I have a prickly armour for protection . . .it's served me quite well (but sometimes I do wish I could shed it!) starfishRead More...

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Dragonfly. It means so much. My situation isn't that of a trauma or anything, but it's more like I'm trying to get rid of all of the walls that I've built up for so long due to my parents. In a way, I'm finding that much of my time with my parents may have involved significant emotional neglect, but it's the neglect itself that has kept me from recognizing it for what it is! Go figure. Anyway, I write all of that to say that I can recognize what...Read More...

Hi JaneDoe So good to hear from you and know you are ok. How good too to have such positive reactions from your dear friends back home. That must send you on your journey with a deal of comfort. Glad you have computer access and freedom to keep your individuality - and those important comfort items that make us feel safe. Take care and allow the people there to help as they can and maybe let yourself be looked after and nurtured for a while. starfishRead More...

Hello Starfish, thanks for your reply - and I really relate to how you describe the childlike state - that now makes a whole lot of sense to me. A week ago I wouldn’t have known what you were talking about, I suppose that constitutes progress :grins: Actually had a session today where I tried to explain this whole not understanding words/needing responses tailored more to a child than an adult to T. He certainly got the child connection (as I thought he would, it being always worth ten gold...Read More...