pippi... I know how hard it is and how the anxiety can ramp up before a session, especially one in which you need to discuss painful and scary things. I think your plan is a good one... to tell him as soon as you walk in how scared you are and how hard this is but that you wrote down a lot of really honest and raw thoughts that you need him to be aware of. Just to be able to write it down was a brave thing to do and I'm sure you will handle the session just fine. I just wanted you to know...Read More...

Hi HBShadow, I totally agree that a certain T and a certain approach can be a good fit for one person and not for another. But you also mention "trust", "nagging doubts", and "getting hurt in the same way". Were these two others disappointed because his approach didn't work for them? Or did they get hurt because they couldn't trust him, because he betrayed them? For me, those would be two very different situations. The first one wouldn't concern me, as long as that T's approach was working...Read More...

He kept asking me some dodgy questions, like how I felt about him cancelling a session, and I was like "whatever, now I will go somewhere and miss a session too". I was going to visit a friend one weekend and I would have to miss a session. But then I added very quickly, that I can arrange my trip that way, so I won't miss a session. He wanted to know why would I be bothered with missing a session. I didn't want to cause any trouble to him, but he wanted to know why not. So I was thinking...Read More...

I am new to this board but this topic hit home for me and I wanted to share my story. I have been seeing my T for three and a half years now and I have struggled with dependency issues for quite some time, I'm not sure how long though. At one point, I flat out asked her not to give up on me, I was really going through a rough patch at the time. Lately though, I'm feeling this creep up on me again. I have some issues I need to address pertaining to my therapy and I am so scared to do this. I...Read More...

Hi mlc, I posted a similar question once on another thread. The only difference is, I was asking because I didn't feel the hate part, but a lot of fear instead. But I got some answers that might be helpful to you. Just in case you haven't found it yet, here's the link to that thread: The love-hate flip-flop And here's a more in-depth explanation of feelings evoked in therapy. It's a link to the Guide to Psychology website that I've found very helpful. You might have to scroll down maybe a...Read More...

Hello, A., and welcome to the forums! By the way, you are the 200th registered member. There really should be some kind of virtual prize for that. I don't have a lot of advice other to say that if it were me, I would take the opportunity for closure while I have it. Especially because it sounds like she has helped you. Perhaps she might have some ideas on how to help you transition to another T. Is it possible she has some connections with other T's in the area you're moving to and could...Read More...

AG, actually that helps a lot. This transference topic has been really fuzzy in my mind. Right now I can relate to the ambivalence that you talked about of wanting to move closer, yet being afraid, and just feeling crazy out-of-control in not understanding why I am obsessing over it. I am so glad you take the time to share what you have learned over the years. I wish I could get to where I need to be by osmosis of your posts and not have to learn it all the hard way!Read More...

Hi Dharma and welcome to the Board. You pose very interesting questions and I have read all of the responses. I don't think there is any easy answer to this. I have been seeing my T for two years now and the thought of ever leaving him terrifies me and sends me into tears of grief. It's even hard for me to read this thread. I don't agree with the article you quoted and I don't believe there really has to be a final good-bye when you leave. So for me, if I ever get to the point where I leave...Read More...

I recently had this conversation with my T! I have a male T and I chose a male T deliberately because I don't trust women professionals and never use women for anything in my life, doctors, dentists, accountants, lawyers etc. If I go down the names in the yellow pages I just immediatlely skip all female names and won't even consider them. I'm not sure why either. I can only think that it is due to my abusive relationship with my mother. I have also worked as a subordinate under female...Read More...

Hi Halo, I'm sorry Halo, I forgot that your T was having such trouble holding the boundaries. That's incredibly crucial to working through transference. My T was incredibly compassionate and very emotionally accessible through all this but his boundaries were also very clear and very steady. It was confusing enough working through my feelings with him holding still. I can't imagine being able to do it if he hadn't held still. I hope the new P can hold still for you so you can work through...Read More...

Wow, wow, wow. What a great response. And what great honesty from you! I have to admit that I am completely and utterly jealous! I would have loved my T to say something like that. The closest to it for me was when he said, with great emphasis, "I KNOW you". It was as if it hit me right at my very core. I still think about it now. I feel like he walks around with a part of me with him. I think about him everyday and a number of times. I think about him in a parental manner,the manner of a...Read More...

I just found this thread today. I know it isn't that old, but it was still before I joined the forum. I am so increasingly overwhelmed with this love-hate battle towards my T in my mind that I don't think I can articulate it right now. But I just wanted to thank those who have posted their experiences on this thread because you have described it better than I ever could, and it helps knowing I am not the only one -- that maybe I am not going to disintegrate and maybe I am not becoming...Read More...

Hi MH, My first T was a woman and in the course of our work together (which stretched over a span of 20+ years on and off) she revealed to me that she had also suffered CSA. She definitely shared it to help me not feel so alone and to not be ashamed of myself for what was done to me. I understand you being worried but there's something very important that would be extremely hard to get on a "gut" level from where you are now. Once someone has worked through their issues and feelings about...Read More...

Hi Deja Vu - I get that hesitation too - it frustrates me! something my T did that really helped was to tell me she thought that silence was my way of getting space that I needed, and that it was an important part of our work. Weirdly, since she said that, I haven't struggled for words anywhere near as much! I wonder if your 'inability' to talk is protecting you too - while you gather the information you need to establish trust. Sounds like you went through such a rough time losing your P in...Read More...

Very well put. Our former couples T and my current T told me that I'm "persistent" and "assertive" in asking for what I need. As if there was some kind of virtue in it. My response was, what else am I going to do? I have no where else to go. Better words for my persistence might be "driven by pain". But that's usually what it takes for me to make changes. SGRead More...

AG, I appreciate knowing you have had all these same feelings. I am so glad for you that you have the relationship with your T that you do. That is what I would personally hope for myself. I imagine that it takes a special T person to be as available to their clients as what we sometimes need them to be. I don't think all Ts are up to the task. I'm trying to figure out if mine is, without getting hurt in the process. How can one know when it is, or is not, safe to move towards someone? Very...Read More...

I feel that way and have been feeling that way even more since I got mad at my psychiatrist last week. I am scared to death of loosing the love I have for him and what will happen when it does change and how I will feel at that time. Right now because I am so consumed with the love I have for him I cant imagine ever feeling anything different. And when that love is taken away I will feel empty and lost because I wont know how to feel anymore. I havent been honest with my psychiatrist about...Read More...

Hi True North, I just saw your thread and wanted to add a few words about anxiety in therapy. I was sorry to hear your therapist was putting so much pressure on you. I have never found the need to suggest to clients that they go on meds for anxiety. A number of my clients come to see me on meds already and that's fine but I just couldn't imagine - with the tools we have now - that there'd be a need for meds for anxiety (Although - I might add - there could always be a first time). Of course,...Read More...

Actually I just remembered a few things about this topic. I didn't just idealize my counsellor. Whatever he told me, said to me, I did it. I was so busy impressing him and I was burning out. If he told me to die in front of him, I would have done it. If he told me to be his dog, I would have done that too. When he mentioned to me about having my own space so I can work, I almost bought the house. I was like his puppet. I think I enjoyed it cuz I was so bored being a housewife. pathetic,...Read More...

Hi Echo(and everyone else ) I've been avoiding this topic for a while because it was so firmly implanted in my thoughts, I couldn't bare to discuss it in more detail. I think my T was CBT, at least that's the impression I got from his work with me, nothing was explicitly said or if it was it was too long ago I think I fell for my T quite early on. I wasn't surprised, it happens often to me with men who appear kind or caring-I always develop feelings or attraction based on that. However,...Read More...

I saw my "T" today and I can't say things were definitely worked out but they're better. I'm going to take a month off (my decision) and we'll go from there. I have been looking into maybe changing. I called several over the last couple days, they always ask why I'm thinking about changing so I tell them and three of them told me my current "T" is attracted to me. They even went into detail about why they think that. One of them wanted me to confront her about it. They said tell her you've...Read More...

Thank you for your replies, they are very comforting. It is very reasurring to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. SG yes the look was definitely seductive and very intense. Mrs P (love your new name) - I have always felt judged and criticised by him. Some of the things he has said such as when we were talking about how much I hate my body he said "some men prefer larger women". That made me very upset and I felt like a freak that only men with freakish fetishes would want. I...Read More...

Hi Summer. it's interesting to hear about your relationships with your current P and T and how they vary from that of your ex-P. I think that is the main problem with close relationships with T/Ps-that it is so hard for others to measure up to them afterward. It can also be the case that what works for you was more in line with the way your ex-P worked than your current one. But I'm thinking it might be good to try out something new for a change, and it doesn't seem as if the current T is...Read More...

Hey SG! Like so many other topics on this forum, this one was of interest to me due to my own experiences as well as wanting to show support to all of you who have been so open. I'm about to go through the process of finding a new T and dreading it to be honest. It's almost like a forced break up with an old boyfriend and being told to find a new partner straight away. My old T was adamant that i find someone soon and it almost feels wrong not to leave time to grieve and feel hurt. I'm...Read More...

Hello Deeply Rooted, Not only do I think you are practicing the principle that Shrinklady stated above, I am amazed at your inner strength to do so. Something in you is overriding your parents’ messages of inadequacy, insecurity, and worthlessness. Going against the tide of unhealthy workplace expectations established by a predecessor is anything but “small”. I admire you greatly. Did you have a “hero” when you were growing up? After hearing about how my parents raised me, my ex-T (ouch, it...Read More...