SB, Most survivors of abuse feel the same way (I know I did for a LONG time) because to believe that it really was your parents fault when you were a child was to lose your "good" parent who was necessary to your survival. It would also leave you face to face with an overwhelming sense of powerlessness and your inability to change what was happening to you. If it was your fault, then you "might" be able to fix it so you retained some sense of control over what was essentially a very out of...Read More...

River, I echo your sentiments. I have now talked about the transference, or we call it attachment, stuff many times with my T, yet every time, I feel like it's the first time all over again. She has only responded in a kind, loving way, so these feelings come from me. Here's what happens with me. I'm always down on the floor wrapped up in a blanket and my jacket, usually on my tummy with my face to the ground. She is usually down there next to me with her hand on my back or head or holding...Read More...

Hi Sorry for taking so long to get back, I was away on a clothes spending spree. Losing weight has it's perks where the wardrobe is concerned! Thanks for your comments I've been trying to find something on the net about what someone who wasn't nurtured would look/act like (profile), but haven't had much luck. I hate it when she (P) says things and I don't ask about them right away. I tend to obsess about them until my next appointment. " Maybe your ability to nurture all of those people when...Read More...

Which, by the way, might be the most difficult and painful thing you've ever done. Sometimes therapists don't mention this detail. So true, especially the "the ridiculousness of the VAGUE" part. I think my initial response was, "ok, that sounds kind of hard...how long does this generally take?" I would echo what CT says, especially the leak analogy. That's it in a nutshell. Russ RussRead More...

Thanks HollyBaby and QueenGrey your comments were helpful. H- I will tell him how I feel about our sessions next time. When I started with him, he kept pushing me to move on - but I wasnt ready to do that until I sensed he really understood the depth of the problem and who I am . Now we've delved so much into the past, I really do want the guidance to move on. Q- Your comment about finding the authenticity rather than finding one specific answer is helpful - I know I went in thinking (and I...Read More...

“This is what is hardest: to close the open hand because one loves.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~Read More...

I'd like to see some numbers. How many people go through this intense transference in therapy? Also, how have these people succeeded in resolving it. I always think, well it will resolve when I'm done with therapy. But then I fear that if it doesn't get resolved correctly, I'll attach onto someone else in an unhealthy way again. Does anyone know where to get numbers on this? I asked my T how often she deals with this, she waited a long time. I finally said, "It was a serious question." She...Read More...

Wisdom, I had it just a year ago this month. I did not have radiation thanks to changing guidelines! I am in the process of doing follow-up. Dr. X says I am cured but I don't agree. It makes me nervous when he says that. SGRead More...

Hi everyone.....thanks for all of your replies. They are really informative...I haven't discussed my personal feeling of anger with many others or related it to my therapy so this is great. It is awful though, that you all have to deal with this stuff too. I went to my appt yesterday after work and it was really...stupid. I tried to keep her at bay, was thinking maybe she doesn't know what she's doing and what if she can't handle me and all I bring to this? All the time there, I was...Read More...

Jo....and Wiz....I'm sorry both of you have had to go through all of this....especially the stress of it all. I think the stress is worse than any of the procedures. I too know what it is like. I have to do an endometrial Bx every time I have a pap. It's not fun...and I often put it off for as long as I can. My Dr. hates that. My breasts are not really an issue, since I had a reduction done 10 years ago and don't really have much breast tissue left. My mother had breast cancer...but is in...Read More...

Its not at all bad to have the sexual fantasies for you T whether they are male or female. Everyone has them. I think about having sex with my P all the time. I havent told him that yet but I am sure he knows and it will come up some time. But I do have a T that I have also been working through transference with through email, and I told him everything I think about. Its easier to be honest through email when you dont have to see their face when they hear what you are saying. My T tells me...Read More...

OW, I guess I am dealing with it head on, then. I gave my therapist a long letter, explaining how I felt about the whole thing. I told her directly that I wish she was my mom and why. After the letter, we didn't really process it much. I saw her today, but I didn't want to bring up these issues, because I won't see her again for 2 weeks. (I usually see her twice a week, plus she calls me once a week, so the idea of not seeing her for 2 weeks is killing me.) I didn't want to bring this up,...Read More...

Dysfunctional family behaviors/patterns/illnesses are often inherited by generations to pass.Read More...

Your have courage .......... WizRead More...

HB I'm welling up like the others...this is an inspiration to the rest of us that there is life after T...thank you. LRead More...

BLU, Just to add to what River said...I think some Ts do work with transference but don't talk about it. Mine seems totally open to it, but has never once used the word "transference" even though I have. So, you can ask about it, but you may or may not get the most direct answer because a lot of Ts are careful to not say, "Ok, because of this , you are experiencing this , and as a result you can expect A, B and C to now happen." Keep up updated. RussRead More...

Great advice! That's how we should live, yes?!Read More...

I'd like to think I am doing better, but I am not sure. I still cry over him and at times it feels less intense and other times it feels the same. All I know is that I am still confused. I know the psychiatrist told me that I am not in love with my chiropractor and that it just feels like love, but sometimes I think I do really love him and I think I cry because I've never felt this way about a man and it confuses me. And the worse part is that it is a man I cannot have. But then I think...Read More...

Hi Wiz, I may have to change my nickname soon too. HB, I am doing okay. My transference feelings are manageable. I've been doing a better job of expressing myself about relationship. I think I will start a new post describing what is going on? I hope your move is going okay.Read More...

Attachment girl, you were so helpful! Thank you for answering my question. Its exactly what I was asking. I had to come back and read it a few times. My therapist follows much of Winicott in relation to transference / countertransference and object relations. I am not real up to date on theory. Again I appreciate your explaination MegabyteRead More...

Hi Hollybaby, Just wanted to say hi and welcome to the forums! Great question, btw, and some great answers. AGRead More...

I hate criticism!!! As a teacher, I have to give it all of the time but I try to always follow up with, "This is a criticism of your work, not YOU." My X all but needs a badge as a member of the fashion & customs police...it used to make ME feel ashamed every time he pointed out how poorly a person's figure fitted their clothing, or how "dorky" some poor soul looked when they walked quickly, arms swinging. Jeez, and when it is directed my way by anybody I spend the next 24-48 hours...Read More...

hi again, i think that the hard session last week has really affected me, i feel like only part of me is in control at the moment and feel kinda separate from me. My thoughts are fast also. It feels safe to talk about the hard stuff.Read More...

Em You make a very good point here. I have wondered if my son felt anything for his current therapist. He used to have a man, who I thought was pretty nice, but my son finally said he wanted to stop seeing him because it was boring!?! So, we stopped. His T now is a very energetic, hot looking woman. Seriously, any teen age boy could get MAJOR transference for her! But, he has never said anything (and I really don't expect him to). I just also wonder if it is different for teens. Your input...Read More...

This is so hard and frightening and necessary. I'm not doing very well at this yet, but intellectually I understand how much it will help me to overcome those monsters. Each time I am a little bit successful, and things turn out ok, I know I am building that bridge to happiness and health. It is important for me, and my T points this out quite often, to look at how far I have come. How I have changed many of my behaviors, even if only slightly. I know I still have a long way to go, but the...Read More...