Interesting. The reason I went into therapy was because I was waking up with horrific anxiety/panic attacks in the wee hours. I've had less since starting therapy but I still occasionally wake up drenched in sweat without remembering what I'd been dreaming about. Or, I'll wake up in the morning with just a general sense of fear/dread without really knowing why. According to my T, sometimes we don't remember our dreams for a reason. Not a conscious reason of course, but a reason nontheless.Read More...

There's a really good book out (where I got my profile quote) by Marianne Williamson titled, "A Return to Love." She defines love, in the introduction, as "...what we are born with. Fear is what we have learned [in this life]. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment -- the unlearning -- of fear and the acceptance of love in our hearts. Love is the essential existential fact. It is our ultimate reality and our purpose here on earth."Read More...

Totally agree! Thanks for your replyRead More...

I usually give gifts to therapists and teachers, I always have. Its usually on there birthday or christmas. I have only had one therapist who declined to recieve a gift it was just a card and chocolates, Then she tried to give me a christmas card and some candy, so i said "Oh, Im not sure if i can accept this I took the card and left the candy. She was just a weirdo though. My current therapist is very nice about accepting gifts, she has a few things that i have brought for her sitting on...Read More...

Yeah I think Therapists have freudian slips all the time. mine says things by mistake and it always cracks us up laughing.Read More...

This ^ is why it is called Gradual School ! Thanks TN...and everyone.... It's nice to know that SOMEONE understands...and feels the way I do. I've been afraid that what I did was totally inappropriate and off base. When in reality (I know)...it was not. I have even asked her if she had a personal issue with casual touch. She did flinch a bit...so I may have hit a nerve there. hmmm.... Anyway...she denied having such an issue, which I thought was really strange. After all...I had just offered...Read More...

I think therapy often makes things worse for a little while - the stuff kind of turmoil of the mind that we're always talking about. I hope you've been able to talk to your T about the stuff you post here, and I'm glad you're still going. I know talking about quitting and actually quitting are different. It's just a hard, uphill battle most of the time, I think. I hope you're willing to talk, and I'm happy to hear from you. Take care of yourself 'till you post again, Kats!Read More...

Hi emerald... Just thought I'd add a nickel here...2 cents is just not enough these days. First...anyone who sees a T, has a diagnosis. They have to write something down My primary care physician even has a mental health diagnosis written in my chart. It's not the most accurate one but I had to tell her what my diagnosis was because she had to know...and if she knows...she has to document. We picked one that would not impact me socially but was still a part of the cluster that fit me. She...Read More...

PL you described exactly what happens to me. Wynne this is a very good question. And it is something that after a year we are still fine tuning. My T is usually good about winding down the session with 10 minutes to go and that allows me to get the emotions under control. Sometimes that is very difficult and when session is over I go to sit in his reception area. It is usually empty at the time I see him on Monday...he is usually the only T working those midday hours. He told me I am welcome...Read More...

Hi Kats - I'm so glad to hear you are doing so well. Enjoy it and savor it. You deserve to feel this way for all the hard work you've done. Thanks for sharing - it is encouraging as we all continue on our journeys. OWRead More...

Robin, Sounds interesting!! I just started my classes and it took me all day just to get the online tutorial completed!!! i like the old-fashioned way of reading a book and writing your answers on a piece of paper. lol! I wish you good luck with your classes!Read More...

Wynne, I don't know if this is any consolation but after the holidays last year my T told me that while she was visiting her family her and her FOO fell right back into their old roles of relating to each other. Apparently there was some conflict but of course she didn't give me anymore details. But when you are with your FOO it is extremely hard to not be who you were when you were all still living together. Kids especially have firm roles in the family and they totally polarize. One is...Read More...

HB & AG, Thanks so much for your replies. At first I was pretty dismissive about the content of my dreams, mostly because my recollection of them is so fragmented and - most of all - I had a hard time facing what they represented. But my T said that to ignore our dream-life is to ignore a huge part of our interior life, and ignoring our interior life is sort of like how our parents ignored us as children. He said that to study our interior life is the greatest act of loving ourself. I...Read More...

Kats...I am also nervous about the holidays and not seeing my T for two weeks. The thing I'm holding onto is that he has told me that I can email him and if I really need it ... he can schedule a telephone session. I doubt I would ask him to do that but it's nice to know the offer is out there. I will probably email him or if things get difficult I may call just for that minute of contact that has an amazing calming effect on me. As for not going too deep too soon... I think this is a wise...Read More...

AG, Many thanks for the excerpts. I've been thinking about them and the topic of the role of individual therapy in my life for a bit now, 'cause the sessions with Tfella are up and it's time for me to probably be transitioning to seeing someone in the community - or not. And since I'm in group therapy as it is, I had to figure out what individual therapy gave that group didn't - or, if it didn't give anything different, if I even needed to try to find another T. I have decided to start...Read More...

i like the dear t posts. it inspired me to write my own letter. i'm not gonna post it here. but, in the writing, i figured out that alot of my whiny, unable-to-put-into-words behavior at my last session was probably coming from a very young age in my mind, a place we have been working on in therapy. i also figured out that i DO have several friends(i kept telling him i had none at last session--very pity-partyish), but it is my walls that pevent me from getting too close. i am not sure how...Read More...

I don't think you can easily separate human nature and transference since it is human nature to transfer your experiences from past relationships onto present ones. It is kind of like a mental short cut so that every new relationship we form isn't completely new and mysterious. We can kind of "place" people in certain categories in order to make relating to them easier before we get to know them really well. In therapy you create an intense, intimate relationship with your T that isn't like...Read More...

I'll chime in and share my confession experience too. I had written a poem which I thought described the therapeutic relationship. I had decided to read it to my T one day in session. Well he took it in a more "romantic" way than I had intended. Even though I realized I had feelings for him I did not mean to convey them in the poem. In fact, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding my feelings even though they were torturing me. Well, once I read the poem my T got very defensive. He...Read More...

I do relate, Kat. And some days alcohol can seem like your only friend. When you give it up, you give up a friend. A rather backstabbing one, but a friend, nonetheless. At least that is what my AC (alcohol counselor) tells me. Some days are harder than others, but EVERY morning when I wake up and didn’t succumb to the urge to drink the day before I am so happy and so pleased with myself. I know if it were the other way around, I’d be down for the count for a very long time. I’ve watched both...Read More...

AG, your reply to Wynne was perfectomundo! I tried to come up with an answer but could not see through my own mental fog I have been experiencing lately. I have experienced just what she described many times in my past but was helpless to express it the way that you did and I am impressed with your ability to do so. This is exactly what my T has helped me appreciate about my hyper-vigilance and uncanny ability to know how to employ survival skills in any threatening or potentially...Read More...

Heh. Whereas my Tfella had a slightly different reaction: I have a stunningly poker blank face, pretty much any time. My "listening" face and my "scared all to the dickens and mentally checked out" face are nearly identical. So Tfelle sighed and was like, "Um, we totally need to work out a signal for when that's going on." I think he's since gotten better at reading me, but at that point he really had no chance. *pats Tfella onna head through the interwebs* He tried, though!Read More...

Heh. JM, I'm at the point where I couldn't name what how he said affected me: it's one of the things I'm working on. S'why (I imagine) I generally post things by narrating them like I do: it's easier, and I don't have to figure out how to say what I was feeling. Generally 'cause I don't know/am not sure. Interesting tidbit? After I left my 'rent's place, I was driving home through rain on a trafficky turnpike, and I suddenly realized that I was _much_ more relaxed and generally suffused with...Read More...

Incognito, Processing therapy sessions can take a while. Sometimes this makes the 45min appt once a week thing so frustrating. No sooner then I get in my car after a session and am driving home do I have some fantastic insight or finally start feeling the real stuff that was masked by my anxiety during my session. This is when journaling become invaluable. It can be almost like another mini sum-up session. Calling your T too can help when the yucky stuff really sinks in a few days later and...Read More...

(sniffing the air) You got a point.Read More...

SimplyMe, I think you really misunderstood a lot of what I said. I mentioned morals because I was trying to point out that my feelings were so strong that I was tempted to violate MY morals. Presumably, someone's morals are based on what they think is important and should guide their behavior. A willingness to go against that guide is a strong sign that something intense and difficult to deal with is going on. It had nothing to do with your morals, whatever they are. I do not expect other...Read More...