quote:

I feel I have to 'man up'. And until I learn to be more robust (because I'm really not at the moment), I'm remaining sceptical of overtly happy, fun, social chameleon type of people. But not only this, I am NOT going to be impressed by confidence anymore. I am not going to find my happiness in trying to become somebody I am not simply because I have no idea who I am.

Have you read "The Sociopath Next Door"? From what I have read, sociopaths do NOT experience the normal range of motions that we do. When they are acting empathetic, or cautious, or sad, they are literally doing just that... ACTING. They don't "do" sophisticated emotions. They utterly lack sensitivity and are only interested in one thing: Winning.

Integrity and honor are also things that they lack and are not interested in. Many "BS" their way through life. From what I gather, they have very little sense of responsibility and are parasitic. Instead of striving to do their best, they make sure that they keep everyone else at or below their level.

If they lack emotions, they do now how to do a few things very very well: Charm, maniupulation, and crocodile tears. Ever notice that when they go into an emotional state they can shut it off just as quickly?

That's a red flag. I also don't let people get too close to me too quickly, (they tend to pretend to be your best friend the first time they meet you)

The one I knew was also a chameleon. From what I gather, SP's don't seem to have much of a sense of self either. Their life is based on their "prey"

So perhaps our sensitivity and difficulty in trusting is a GOOD thing at times!

Also, I do not think you are "weak" Forgetmenot, for having a hard time figuring out who to trust and who not to trust. I was reading a book about trauma, and people that have been through hell and back, through "war"- have to make those decisions quickly. I did the same thing- I would totally distrust most people and overtrust one or two- I would "trust them with my life" - which was kind of literally true- in the case of my rock climbing partner, but this could apply to an emotional scenario as well. I like to have a "comrade in arms" that I can trust in "battle" as well.

I just look for the signs mentioned above. If someone just seems "off" in the way that the sociopath I met does, I avoid them like the plague. I may make a mistake, but I have to do it, I got hurt badly and it's not worth it to me.

I also give "3 strikes" - if someone betrays me 3 times (or less) DONE! I think that's ok, right?

It feels good to know that I am not crazy, that I was had, and there was a reason for it. I don't normally like to claim myself as a victim, in most cases human relationships are a delicate balancing act. I also dislike "objectifying" people with mental or emotional disorders, it's not a very kind thing to do, But not in this case- you won't see one in therapy, and everyone else is THEIR object. We are just there for them to play with. Information is a good thing, especially for many of us here, who already have been hurt badly.

Hope all goes well, and we master the trusting of our own instincts! (May the Force be with you?)