My SIL lives in Flagstaff and she needs an attachment therapst and I found one for her in Flagstaff. However, I am in a major metropolitan area and there aren't any attachment therapists around here except for RAD. It seems, though, that you might find someone who is more accepting of attachment if you research "trauma" T's. There seems to be a lot more of those.

When I consulted with the trauma T over the summer, she mentioned that she didn't think (and this is coming from a T) my T had the sensitivity I needed. I went to a T last year and he said, in response to something I told him my T said, "ouch when you are doing surgery, you want to go in with a sharp knife, not a blunt knife."

If they themselves have not experienced a particular problem and cannot simply relate and then on top of it are relying on this theory or that expert, it's quite possible that you could find someone who doesn't have a solid understanding of attachment. All minds are not created equal.

My T and I have actually discussed the following. He has never experienced the pain of longing. At least not like I do. How can he possibly relate? Or begin to develop anything but an intellectual understanding of what I am go through. He would certainly never have an emotional understanding of what I go through.

My T's training was in CBT. He did not seem to have a complete understanding of transference and whatever understanding he did have of it was learned on his own or in talking to other therapists. He seemed to say the right things most of the time but did not have it all worked out for himself on an emotional level. His nonverbals often gave him away.

He shies away from the psychoanalytic stuff (and has told me so) and chose his graduate school based on his own personal inclinations. He seemed to have the same basic boundaries for everyone. He'd never attend a client's wedding, etc., that kind of stuff. I really loved that article you posted XOXO on boundary negotiation because now I see so clearly what happened between he and I. I can see how it would take a lot more work for a T to renegotiate their own boundaries in order to accommodate a client.

In my T's defense, he just got stuck in his own thinking. He's a human being. We all get stuck in our own thinking.

Experience has a lot to do with it, attitudes towards dependence and sensitivity. If your own T is highly independent, he or she may bristle at the thought of someone depending too deeply on them. Sounds like poor Cipher's prof falls into that category. That would be hard for me to swallow also Cipher.

What about the losses they have sustained in their own lives. If they have experienced some devastating loss(es) they may be reluctant to get too attached themselves to clients, which seems inevitable when you work with someone over a period of time.

Or they themselves may not be very emotional people and may not form emotional attachments with other people. T's form their opinions based on their own emotional makeup and understanding of the world and apply what they've learned within that context.

It seems to me that dependent personality disorder and borderline pd have common overlaps. If you've ever read the stuff on dependent personality disorder, the literature actually talks about not letting therapy go on for to long because the client will become too dependent, etc. etc. And that the therapist actually must bring up termination.

IMO, it goes above and beyond attachment and object relations and straight into developing that space between your emotions and your mind. Most of us are embedded in our emotional experience. We have an emotion and that is our reality. We can have all the understanding in the world re: our object relations but until we develop that space and the critical thinking and then new ways of behaving and feeling, etc. etc., we won't get anywhere.

As I have started to develop the capacity to mentalize, I am able to reflect on my own experience and make a "guess" about the experience of others at the same time or close in time afterwards, which is definitely helping me to become less "embedded" in my emotional experience.

I downloaded an "Expert's" treatment book re: borderlines and he said that "these people" will want to come twice a week but you can't let them come more than once a week. If you are a T and you are relying on that book, you could have someone who isn't functioning well and needs to come more than once a week but you think you are being a good T because you are following the treatment manual of a so-called expert. And you are being a good T because you are following that treatment manual. But maybe there is a missing piece.


Jeffrey Young, who is CBT trained, has developed his own treatment program for borderlines and he recommends that they go to therapy twice a week for three years.

Which expert is right? Which one has a more complete understanding of borderlines? Which one has a more complete understanding of attachment? Which one has a more complete understanding of object relations?

I'm going with Jeffrey Young but that is solely based on my own experience as an individual.