quote:“I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.” ~ ZIG ZIGLER
When I married, I really thought I was marrying the "wrong" person, because I lost who I thought was the "right" person a long time ago. But the truth is, the person I thought was "right" did not treat ME right. My DH treats me right, and I am getting better at treating him right, too. And in just the last year, my perceptions have changed so that I'm really starting to believe I married the right person after all. What a relief to have something change, that I really never thought would or could. I'm so, so grateful for that.
Echoes - I agree that our children are so, so precious. And just for the record, I would be THRILLED if my children turned out like you.
FMN - I'm sorry your mum left you when you were 1.
My mom was very young when I was born, an active alcoholic, probably depressed, and deeply resentful of my existence, which made her feel trapped into marrying a man she didn't love (I was conceived in a last fling with her ex-boyfriend while the man she was engaged to was overseas). So even though she was there in body, she definitely was not there in spirit. And when she was, she was just mean. I can really understand that needy feeling in relationships. I avoided them/yearned for them, too, and was also frequently attracted to unavailable people (not a conscious decision...but certainly safer that way!!). I was not going to get married, but made a "mistake" and felt like I "had" too...and now I can honestly say, thank goodness that all happened. But I felt like the first 10 years of my marriage I was dragged kicking and screaming through it. It's only the last couple of years, and especially the past few months, that it feels like things are finally (hopefully!!) taking a turn for the better. I don't think my DH "gets all this" nearly as much as I once thought I'd like him to...but he is most definitely willing to be patient alongside me. If he weren't, he would have left me a long time ago. I remember how much I yearned to have someone like that, all the while he was right there. I hope you can meet someone like that one day, too.
Hugs,
SG