When I searched for a new T I was looking for someone who was comfortable with outside contact because I knew I needed it, especially then, because I was so traumatized. I was truly blessed to find my T who is very comfortable with email and his boundaries around using it. He also has a beeper that I can use when I really need to talk to him.

He says he will do his best to respond to emails within 24 hours and if I don't hear from him to re-send it. I will email him once a week or every other week. I only write a paragraph or two and he will respond with reassurance. I don't ask to process anything via email or try to prolong sessions that way. We use it for connection and reassurance mostly. If I email my T in the evening I'm 99% sure to get a response early the next morning. That is his routine... he answers email in the early morning before his day begins.

He tells me things like he'd rather hear from me in an email which takes a very few minutes to read and respond to than to either have me dysregulated and uncontained for days or have me show up to session a big mess because my emotions have snowballed. He also says I'm easy to respond to because I am brief and to the point and I know what I need and I ask him for it.

It works well for us but I can understand that other Ts need their own boundaries around this issue. The issue becomes a problem when the T is inconsistent which then leads the patient to feel insecure and unsafe in the relationship. It can also be a problem if the emails are too lengthy or numerous. My T said if that would happen we would just talk about it because it would mean I'm leaving him while I'm too uncontained and dysregulated.

TN