to be honest, TAS, i do not think it is possible to logically think these things through without the feelings chiming in, so it makes sense that this is difficult. I think that these FEELINGS brought to the forefront are what therapy quite frankly is all about. they ARE painful, but i do think that to deal with these feelings is helpful and critical to living an honest life, to understanding what we're each all about, where those feelings originate and why. what sets them off? i do think that when we look at that stuff and understand and accept them that they given much less power over us, how we perceive others, how we perceive others' perception of us, and how we live our lives. but, i think it is critical and pivotal to not only acknowledge these feelings, but to talk to the very person that triggers these feelings. it's very difficult to do, and can very painful. but to talk them over with your trigger person can provide you amazing healing and strength. i think the most harmful thing would be to over-think this stuff and not talk about it with your trigger. therapy, I think, is an opportunity beyond our wildest dreams.