Ghost Girl: For you to have gone and consulted with another T, to me, takes tremendous bravery and knowing what you need I have always been scared to do this, for some reason. I have done it twice with the same T. in the two and a half years I have been seeing the main T.

I am glad you made headway this week as sometimes, we can feel so stuck and all we need is for something just to dislodge so we can move forward. Sometimes the fear keeps us from moving forward and it seems you are moving in a forward direction, which is wonderful!

Thank you for sharing your experience with me and it gives me some idea in the direction I need to go when he returns from vacation. I have purposed I am going to tell him I NEED him to be more open with me. I can not continue therapy without him being in the room. It's as if I can not feel him and this is one of those things where I am unsure if this is my past speaking or if this is what is really going on in the now.

All the best, T.

Jones: Thank you for so succinctly laying this out. It definitely cuts through the cobwebs and helps me see things a little clearer. The T. I see fits in the 'relationship is helpful' category. Thank you for this as it is so helpful! T.

Closed Doors: This is what makes it so difficult...talking it through with the T. who is triggering you. I can not tell you the fierce fear that comes upon me when I need to do this. I completely shut down. I can not look at him, speak about it to him and my brain goes on silent. I am trying to push myself past this fear, which is so VERY HARD. I get so frozen I start to question whether I am even cut out for relationships. Truly. To be intimate with another by sharing why I am feeling what I am feeling, especially if the other is the cause or trigger of it, so difficult for me to navigate through this. I guess this is why therapy is definitely WORK.

BLT: Yes, a hundred deaths. But you are correct when you say he has been fairly steady. And he doesn't allow outside contact but I was having a mini freak out a couple of weeks ago and told him I had to know if he was mad at me before I came to session or otherwise, I could not come. He did text me back and was once again, constant.

I have put this poor man through hell. This abandonment issue and so many other things are like an abyss. What will satisfy, quench, or fill the longing for what never can be?

Thank you T.