I relate - although thankfully I am able to show some emotions to my T now - but automatically have a 'poker face' if she's done or said something I'm hurt by (I feel the need to protect other people from any feelings I might have that might leave them feeling bad - although I know that is a projection of mine, not reality).

I remember being in a car accident where a car slammed into the front wheel of my car so hard the wheel ended up shunted in a couple of feet. No injuries to me or the other driver (although she was in shock). I remember feeling NOTHING. Not shock, not numb - nothing. I remember being aware I wasn't feeling anything; and that I kinda felt like I had to 'act' how I SHOULD feel; because I was so ashamed by my reaction of feeling NOTHING.

I suppress most of my deep feelings - I can have intense panic attacks in the presence of other people and they'd have NO IDEA. All my panic attacks are internal, never in the outside.

I also dissociate in a way no one would know either.

It's conditioned into me - basically, it wasn't safe enough to have a panic attack as a child, or let on to anyone I was dissociating. So I learnt to suppress those things.

Might be a good thing to bring up with your T, GG. You're certainly not 'odd' or 'different' - I think a lot of people your T has seen will be similar so it shouldn't come as a shock to her or anything.